When you had 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc) child, how did your feelings change towards your firstborn?

[Mandymoo]

Did your feelings change towards your first child or not? I have a 3.5 yr old dd and a 4 wk old ds. Just interested as to what other mums have experienced.

Whilst pregnant with dd2, I was most concerned that I wouldn't love the new baby any where near as much. Then she was born, and it really was love at first sight, I was so relieved because it left me guilt-free to concentrate on dd1 to mitigate jealousy etc.

Cos i had twins second pregnancy i over compensated for the swarms of relatives who were coo-ing over twin novelty. i made special fuss over him - and rather liked him actually as he was so willing and helpful and generally pleseant considering he was just landed with a new bro and sis at once.

he did say to his nan " nanna, you won't have any more babies will you?"

it was strange actually. before dd it had been me and ds against the world kind of thing.

when i had her he stayed with relatives and the first time he walked into the ward to see us i thought "wow, he's so big". it almost seemed like he grew in one day.

its pretty much the same, my feelings havent changed towards him and at first i had a hard time accepting that i loved dd just as much...it felt like i was betraying ds in a way. silly, but i remember not wanting to say exactly the same to her at bedtime as i do to him as it was "our thing". doesnt bother me now but i think ds feels a bit put out sometimes when im constantly cooing over something new she's done. i have to remind him that i did exactly the same when he was 2 and that when he gets a certificate, or learnt to ride his bike for example, im equally proud.

i can honestly say i adore them both in very different ways.

My experience was that I fell in love with each of my 4 babies very quickly (I know it's different for everyone), and found it a little hard sometimes not to look on the "next child up" as a huge creature who, while still mine, had somehow become just a bit out of my full focus. First time this happened, ds1 was 21m and so still a baby himself really, and i felt sooo guilty. I expect it's all tose hormones playing mind games ! The most poignant thing I remember about my ds1 becoming a big brother was when ds2 was about 3w old. I was putting ds1 to bed, kissing and hugging him goodnight, when he looked at me and said "Mummy back now". It broke my heart because I had been feeling a bit remote from him, until that very day, for some doubtless hormonal reason.

But the next 2 times it was much easier (mentally at least !).

Found first born suddenly very big, quite noisy and bumptious and dirty and not as sweet and lovely as the little one! Her status as my baby went out the window when a new baby turned up. But that feeling didn't last - we all settled down together in a few weeks.
I've found that each baby changes your feelings towards the next one up (I've had 4), but it is more to do with everyone finding a new place in the family I think.

this is something I've thought about a lot since trying for baby no 2. sometimes me and ds do things together and then it suddenly strikes me that if I have another baby then our whole dinamic will change. And I've also thought of it as a betrayal of ds. course it's all kinda akademic as haven't been able to get pregnant though lol

It was me and dd against the world before I had dd2. I had to keep reminding myself that temper tantrum throwing whinging 3 year old was just a bigger version of the sweet little baba that was in my arms.
Now, they are 5 and 8 and I love them both the same. It was weird adjusting though.

I too was worried about not oving the baby the same, then dd1 being jealous. My feelings towards dd1 haven't changed in my head but i suppose in reality the practice has changed. (Not so much time together, not so many cuddles). Then again that was bound to happen because she is in Reception now.
My sister had her boys very close, her second soon was born just after the first's first Birthday and she always said it made her heart hurt to watch her DS1!
I kind of know what she means now as alot of my time is spent up looking after dd2 (15 months) and dd1 (5) is very often amusing herself and sometimes i catch myself looking at her and wanting to cuddle her and realising that all the dynamics have changed! We do quality time things like go to Cinema and have lunch together.

After all that though i have to say dd1's life has been so enriched by having a sister and the adore each other. It really is them against the world.

Yes - for a long time I saw him as an irritation, getting in the way of looking after dd (who I bonded with straight away - unlike him) but now I love them both again. Thankfully as I was getting worried I wasn't going to feel the same about both children (dd is now 9 months).

ds1 was suddenly huge and grown up.And he also became Daddy's, as I was hospital a week with ds2, then dh looked after ds1 when I got home, as he couldn't feed ds2, so that was a natural division of labour.When one is asleep, I adore the other one, but when they are both awake, I dont find much time to think about how much I love either of them, we just get on with things.That isnt as negative as it sounds actually!

I felt guilty for the majority of my pregnancy with dd2 as dd1 was only 7 months when I got pregnant - I felt I was robbing her of her babyhood if this makes sense.

I thought I couldn't possibly love dd2 as much as dd1 - but I did.

Dd1 seemed so big when dd2 was born (she was only 16 months) it felt like changing a nappy of a six year old - substantial legs unlike my newborn dd2.

I was very careful to lavish loads of kisses etc on dd1 as I felt guilty loving dd2 as well.

I love having our 'special time' together as at 20 months she is developing so fast - she is a joy!

At first I was worried that I wouldn't love the baby as much

Then as time went by I was worried that I loved the baby TOO much

I find the elder one far more irritating than I used to do

It's hard not to drool over the cute baby all day

I still enjoy the moments when it is just me and dd1 together - when the baby is asleep etc - it's nice to recapture the magic of the first flush of our romance :)

Morningpaper, you've summed it up so well
Ds1 is very annoying, but I love him when I've got him all alone...