DC3 - I REALLY want to, he doesn't. Where to from here?!

[twinsister]

Needing wise counsel from MNetters please. Sorry it's a bit long.

When we got married we agreed on 2-3 children, should we be so lucky.

We now have two beautiful DDs, aged 2 and nearly 4. I definitely want a third. We have been dancing around the issue for the last 12 months but last night DH said he definitely didn't want to try for a third.

I didn't realise how much I did until now. I think I had just been blissfully carrying on with my own imagination presuming he would eventually come around to it.

What do I do from here? Can/should I keep trying to convince him? Definitely wont be considering planning an 'accidental' pregnancy.

I just feel like my life plan has been reshaped in the last 24 hours and feel a bit physically sick. I know I'm being a bit silly. Rational input required!

More info; I'm 37, DH has just turned 40. we have a 5 bedroom house, financially we are fine so whilst it would be an additional cost we could afford it, I am a fraternal twin so heightened chances (one of his reasons for being against it), I had PND after DD2 (another reason against a third), I had a prolapse after our first (a third reason) which is much improved but I did have to have a CS for DD2 and would again for future pregnancies.

We are now living close to my family so would have a million times more support this time around. I went back to work six months ago but have recently decided to set up my own business from home freelancing as not feeling I'm spending enough time with the girls before they go to school.

It has been a stressful few years for various reasons including his parents ill health, moving countries and having small babies. DH is happy with our lot and sees now as the chance to enter stage two of parenthood. Whereas I see it as an opportunity to have DC3 in a much nicer situation than we had the first two.

Arrrggh. He's not being unreasonable but we just disagree. What do we do?!

thanks all

we use email like that too. I hope it works out for you.

Agree with what cory says. If you and partner split up as you resent him for denying you a 3rd child, that would be one thing. If he ends up not bonding with the 3rd child/they feel rejected by their Dad, that could be much worse.

Also what if you struggle to conceive this time being that bit older- you can't make this the be all and end all imo.

It sounds like you've got a lovely life just now i'd just enjoy that.

I don't think anyone should be cohersed into having a child if they're against it. I know people chnge their minds but really at his age he is probably just wanting to enjoy the children you have rather than be starting from scratch all over again. You sound lovely and reasonable and it's nice that you would never trick him or become 'accidently' pregnant. That is NOT the way to go about it. It could lead to complete break down of the family. My advice (completely my opinion) would be to move on with the two beautiful children you have. Try to think of all the opertunities they will have, more time with parents, more chances of days out and holidays without a newborn baby holding you all back.

I do know how you feel. I have longed for a third (not for the baby bit, more for the thought of larger family, another sibling for my 2 boys, big family dinners, that sort of thing) BUT I realised that I probably wouldn't feel done at 3 either, where does it end? I know I'd want a 4th and 5th! Before you know it, it gets to the point where you're just having babies and have no time to invest in the children you have. My DH said he 'could be pursuaded to have another', we could afford it financially. However, I don't want to have to 'pursuade' DH into having another. If he doesn't have the same wish that I have, the same wanting, for me it's not worth it. I don't want to make him feel pressured into expanding our family when we are happy as we are. We have pleanty of time for both the boys. They are both healthy and beautiful.

I'm not against bigger families at all. If everyone is on board then it's great but for us, just me feeling broody, isn't enough for me to upheave the whole family unit.