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Parenting

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Original poster

How much time do you spend holding your young baby?

13 replies

weeblueberry · 12/07/2013 09:55

I have an 8 week old baby and (I know this is a stupid question...) but I'm wondering how often others with similarly aged babies spend actually holding them?

I have a bit of a guilt complex about putting baby into her bouncy chair when I'm interacting with her and feel as though I should be holding her all the time when she's not sleeping. I know deep down this is unreasonable but I wonder if it will affect bonding if I'm not holding her lots at this young age?

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Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/07/2013 10:02

I have a 7 month old and feel the same

He always loved his play gym - even from that age - and used to spend quite a bit if time in it. Probably about 90 mins a day spread over 3 or 4 sessions.

I sometimes leave him to play in his cot for a bit before you g to sleep.

Then I feel really guilty that I should be cuddling him all the time

The only uni g that makes me feel better is that he is a brilliant sleeper and self settler and I'm honestly convinced it was helped because he had periods of chillaxing in his Moses basket or cot and never got used to being rocked to sleep etc unless he was upset or when he was very tiny

flossyflo · 12/07/2013 11:54

My DD likes spending time in her chair and having tummy time in her cot, we do spend time cuddling but definitely don't hold her all the time. I am always near by and she likes looking around. Dd is 13 weeks. Wouldn't worry about it at all, comforting him when he is upset, feeding, and cuddles will be enough for bonding surely? Don't feel I need to carry my DD around all the time.

Phoenixflame · 12/07/2013 12:21

My DD is 13weeks old and she spends most of the day in my arms or being held by DH. She doesn't like being put down a lot. Although sometimes she will happily lie in her swing chair or on the sofa for the odd 20mins while I potter about doing some cleaning etc. But it really depends on her mood. She's very much a mummy's girl and sometimes it's only me who can settle her. It was the same with DS. I enjoy holding her for a lot of the day but I am quite lazy and it's a good excuse to put my feet up and rest

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stowsettler · 12/07/2013 13:59

DD is 19 weeks and has been quite independently-minded from the start. She's not keen on many cuddles, so we don't tend to hold her except when she's tired. She doesn't really like it then but is so interested in everything it's the only way we can persuade her to sleep!
We do a lot of face-to-face chatting with her on our knees, also in the sling. She does quite like that.

mrsmartin1984 · 12/07/2013 15:41

My DD is 5m. Only three nights ago she started sleeping in her cot. Before that she'd be cuddled up to me all night. When we are out and about she is in a baby sling, so cuddled up to me there. And then she likes to cuddle me for the rest of the day. But I love it. You can't cuddle your baby too much and you'll miss it when they're toddlers

rallytog1 · 12/07/2013 21:48

DD is 11wo. From day one she's been a very un-cuddly baby. She'll tolerate it for a bit but then screams to be put down. She doesn't like being in a sling. She's generally happiest in her bouncy chair or playgym chatting to me and DH - she does demand constant attention and interaction from us, and generally seems very content, so it's not as though she's anti-social. She just likes doing it at a distance!

I think that just as some adults aren't very physical in their affection, so some babies aren't. I have struggled with feelings of guilt about it but am beginning to accept that if she's making it clear she doesn't want cuddles, I'm not going to help anything by forcing them on her.

(Obviously we do cuddle her for feeding, comfort, upset etc - just

rallytog1 · 12/07/2013 21:48

... make sure we take our cues from her)

changechangechange · 13/07/2013 17:50

I held mine constantly, but mainly because he shrieked as soon as he was put down (awake or asleep, onto floor or bed, into carseat, Moses basket, bouncy chair, baby highchair seat thingy, propped up on cushions, etc etc). I think if your baby is clearly content to be put down for a bit, then that's fine. Welcome to the maternal guilt trip...

Original poster

weeblueberry · 13/07/2013 19:35

Thank you everyone. Baby is certainly often happy to be in the bouncy chair/playmat for a while. I'm often still engaging with her while she's in there so she coos and smiles at me still. As a result (I think...) she is also happy to be in them when I'm not actively entertaining her because she's not seeing it as a place I just dump her when I'm busy?

Really appreciate your insights. I really am so so lucky with her and don't want to take advantage of that by not stimulating her as much as I could be.

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Mutley77 · 15/07/2013 14:58

My DC1 was happy to be left so I don't remember holding her that much at all - I used to chat to her when she was in her chair and on mat but could also leave her there if I wanted to get on with something.

DC2 - I can't remember that much, he was very sleepy for the first 8-12 weeks so I think I used to leave him in his pram sleeping quite a lot as I had DC 1 to look after too!

DC3 - wants to be held pretty much all the time. I have now become best friends with my Baby Bjorn which I hardly ever used with the others. It means I can get on with jobs and looking after my other 2 (luckily aged 4 and 8 so don't need me to be hands on with them), baby often falls asleep in it and is happy with the contact rather than actually being held.

Babies seem to be all different and I take my lead from the baby - if they want comfort they will ask IMO.

I think baby

Mutley77 · 15/07/2013 14:59

Sorry that last line was supposed to be at the beginning of the penultimate paragraph..!

FeegleFion · 15/07/2013 15:08

My 7 month old DS is in my arms most of the time; morning, noon and night

He'll go into the jumparoo for a little while and happily roll around on the floor too but not for long. He prefers close contact and so do I .

I also take him with me to shower and sit him in his Bumbo, so that he can see me.

This is my 2nd baby and also my last baby and I want to squeeze every single second out of his baby days, they grow too fast!

Funghoul · 15/07/2013 23:48

Dd is almost 9 weeks and she has started to object to being held for too long! She's always had time in her Moses basket, or on her play mat, but now she's starting to really enjoy kicking her legs like mad, or grabbing for toys dangling above her. I actively try not to hold her every waking minute, although she does still get lots of cuddles, we just make sure to play with her whilst she's on mat.

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