First day on my own with two children.

[cupcake78]

Come make me feel normal please. I'm in tears because I miss dh so much and I'm hoping its still the baby blues and not PND setting in. Dd is 2 weeks old tomorrow. Very scared of being on my own with her, feeling very lonely! Ds getting ready for school and being brilliant.

I have a lot of things going on in my life with two very sick parents, one of whom I can't visit because of having baby. Trying to sell house, uncertainty around my job/career.

When does baby blues turn into PND?

I embarked on life with two about six months ago. It's hard work but its totally do-able. Don't panic. Take everything slowly. Within a week or so youll feel ok.

My mantra is "one job at a time", so my theory is when I've got two screaming children, both needing nappies changes, bottles, lunch, cuddles I do a v quick "priority check" in my head.

No 1 priority is nearly always "stop the toddler braining herself / touching the oven / opening the hen house. Then you just work through each job: give baby bottle, change nappy 1, make lunch, change nappy 2. The list is never done (!) but it makes me feel in control to think "well, I can only do one thing at once".

And I think it's natural for hormonal baby blues from the first few weeks to slide into a bit of stress at looking after two. Doesn't mean you have / will have PND. I think it's normal to feel stressed and anxious when caring for two small children, but I can honestly say that within a few weeks I stopped dreading my days with both of them and no DP. Do you have a routine for baby 1?

My ds is 5 and at school for the next 10 days. If I'm honest I miss him a lot but know its alot more peaceful without him around. He's brilliant company though and actually at times can be a good help!

Shortly have 6 weeks off with him at home. I've managed the supermarket and school run so far! No breakfast or drinks for me yet but we are all washed dressed, children fed and have food in! Dh has done a great job but were now out of everything! Even the freezer is empty

You are completely normal. It is really hard with 2 kids! I felt 'on the edge' for weeks because it's hard when you're dealing with two very demanding but competing priorities: a child who is used to your undivided attention, and a newborn. My DS2 is 11wks now (DS1 2.7 y/o) and some days are great, others are AWFUL (you know, the ones that start with a tantrum!) and the rest are at best mundane (not sure I'm cut out for this stay at home mum business).

The trick is to find things to save your sanity - try to get out at least once a day so you don't feel cooped up. If you can't and the weather is OK, sit in the garden.

Having said that, if you genuinely feel that you may be suffering from PND, go and talk to your GP. Your mental health is very important!

Also meant to say you need to give yourself a break! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get things done. I've realised over the last two months that I'm my own worst enemy in trying to carry on as normal, and have forced myself to stop for the time being. Even if the house isn't as clean as I'd like it, it's only for the time being.

Try not to make decisions on things now (like returning or not returning to work). In a few weeks you will feel different as you start getting a bit more sleep and your hormones return to normal. I found saying to myself 'I'll think about that in August' has really helped!

Good grief, you had managed a supermarket shop with a newborn in tow by 10.21am? Sounds like you are coping to me.

I think the trick is to set your standards and expectations really, really low. Aim to survive the day. If possible, leave things that are stressful until there are two of you around. I remember feeling really vulnerable when I took our first two out for the first time when DS2 was a week old - they were side by side in the buggy and DS1 kept hurting DS2 when he thought I wasn't looking (now the closest of friends). In hindsight it was nothing, but with the fog of hormones, it felt awful.

Not sure when baby blues officially turns into PND, but I'd make sure your health visitor knows you are feeling a bit wobbly & be kind to yourself in the meantime.

I developed pnd after my dd was born 4 months ago (i also have a 2.5 year old ds). i knew it was pnd because by the time dd was about 8 weeks i was feeling totally overwhelmed, had suicidal thoughts, didn't feel at all connected to dd (to the point of referring to her as "it") and had zero energy and motivation. Good news is i got meds and am pretty much back to normal now. Pnd is horrible but treatable.

My advice is give it a few more weeks and see how it goes. Having two is hard but you do eventually get the hang of it. If you're still not sure about pnd see your doctor, they'll be happy to help.

Definitely mention to your HV that you are feeling tearful. I was having an issue with feeding and was v tearful at about 10 days and got put on the HV's watch list, which sounds awful but actually meant they rang me and came to see me, which made a massive difference and I felt really supported!

My expectations are very high. Always have been. I expect to be doing everything I was before baby came. I struggle with this not happening and see it as failure and inadequacy. Not in others, only in me! I find the baby years very frustrating as I can't get things done and I'm a doer

The tears just keep coming. I feel totally wiped out emotionally and physically. Im shattered, its too hot and the children are whiny. I would kill for a bath but know its unlikely to happen as there is no time. I've managed to eat a banana and slice of bread all day and wonder why I'm exhausted.

The weekend is taken up with visitors here and me hospital visiting relatives. I really need to get better at pacing myself. How single parents do this day in day out I will never know !

Cup, you've got to eat. Please put it on your mental to do list. Since you say youre a doer, why not write an actual timetable for your day. Every time you give your toddler a meal, eat the same thing with him. Every time you give your baby a feed, drink a cup of tea or glass of water. Dehydration is a huge cause of low energy and crap physical form.

have some food and a bath. regular meals make a big difference. also downtime if you can't actually have time to sleep.

I found dried fruit a lifesaver! With DS I got husband to make me a sandwich before he left in the morning or I wouldn't have eaten between him leaving for work and coming home.
Priorities. The basics!
Re visitors. If they come then they help! Bring something for the freezer. Hold baby whilst you have a bath etc. Any friends in RL who can help?

Look after yourself. When I first had my second, I would forget to eat and suffer. So I started eating with my toddler or leaving snacks on the kitchen worktop so I can eat during the day. Being hungry and tired is enough to make you weep.
And lower your standards. You say you're a doer? Looking after your children is doing.

Don't be afraid to have friends round.

I always felt shit that I couldn't produce delicious lunches, pots of tea, homemade cakes and interesting chat, then I realised that all my mum friends were juggling it and they didn't mind if I spent half the time they were there changing nappies and doing Lego and they didn't expect anything more than a cup of tea and a biscuit and they were happy to make it themselves if my LOs needed me and vice versa at their houses.