Thank you all so much. Some lovely responses. And what a relief to know some of your halos have slipped, too. 
Yes, I suppose some MNers do come across as pretty awe-inspiringly "together" with their parenting. And I'm a perfectionist to the core - which is probably what so much of this fretting is about - and, because you can't parent perfectly, every day brings a bit of tension between what you'd like to achieve, and what you actually do.
I connected with what you said, glassofwine. My dp also says to me that I'm doing a great job, and it's impossible to be perfect. Sounds so obvious when you say it. Am in awe at your three under three - blimey! 
As for books, well I'm a bit late to attachment/empathic/whatever-you-want-to-call-it parenting. So books, not really - although Margot Sunderland's newly published "The Science of Parenting" arrived in the post today, and is looking interesting. I stumbled on www.naturalchildproject.org maybe a year ago (when ds was just approaching his first birthday). Prior to that, incredibly naive as it may seem, I just didn't know there was an alternative to what's become the standard Western way of parenting. I read lots of books (too many!), but they were all pretty mainstream - "Baby Whisperer" included. And this is how we parented for the first year - flexible-ish routine, ds sleeping in his own room, plenty of flapping over what he should be doing, etc.
www.naturalchildproject.org opened my eyes to a completely different way of doing things. I spent weeks reading the articles on there when ds was asleep, and actually had a counselling session with Jan Hunt over the phone. Something I hadn't, and still haven't, really come to terms with is the fact that we left ds to cry it out for a few nights when he was maybe five months old; left him to really sob in his cot for maybe 45 minutes at a time. We were all knackered, desperate for sleep, and friends and the health visitor and sleep clinic were pressing us - so my head thought it must be OK, even though my heart never bought it. So we still did it, and I feel SOOO guilty. So I called Jan about this; wanted to feel at peace with a pretty big parenting cock-up. She was eye-opening and inspiring (her son breastfed until seven, and co-slept until 12) - if a little difficult to relate to from our then very different situation. So yes, Natural Child Project has been my most significant attachment parenting resource to date.
Sometimes I wonder about getting more books, but I have been such an obsessive reader that dp has thrown one book in the bin (twice), and I set a New Year resolution for this year to read no parenting books (or websites! 
) unless it was an emergency. And I managed it for two months and was really quite sane! Have obviously lapsed, and am enjoying the support of MN no end. What I mean is that, books maybe have their limitations - so many, so often contradictory. And for me personally, I sometimes find reading them after a lapse only makes me feel worse! Oh the guilt ...
Should really have said by now how much of a lovely day ds and I had today - a distinct positive in all this worrying. We walked to the river this morning with a friend, played lots of football, did errands with ds behaving beautifully in the fruit and veg shop (all those tomatoes to lob - so tempting!), and went on another walk to the park this evening. Felt so pleased with myself, but had lost a bit of patience by bedtime - and so felt a bit crap again.
I obviously have some stuff to deal with personally here, to do with how I deal with making mistakes and feeling too much guilt for my own and ds's good. Really, today was 90% a good day, but that 10% really niggles me.
Definitely a good point about getting regular breaks. It's not happening! My mum, who has helped us a lot in the past, is caring for my poorly sister a lot at the moment. It doesn't seem fair to ask too much of her for the time being. I need to sort something on this score though - that, or spend ds's nap/sleep times having bath or relax instead of getting lost in parenting books/websites!
Something that did strike a chord today was the section in this new Margot Sunderland book about parents' diets and how they influence mood, energy levels, etc. I know from a blood test I had last autumn that my serotonin level was (is?) way off the bottom end of the normal range - suggesting that my happier moments (and there are some!) must be miracles. Flicking through these pages reminded me about eating the right foods and supplements, and working out a way to exercise regularly to boost my mood. Maybe if I can get my serotonin level up, much of this fretting will become a distant memory! We live in hope.
Anyway, I'm on a complete ramble! Thank you again ladies, really thank you. Am feeling much better for your kindness and support.
Sleep tight.
EBAB