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Original poster

5 year gap - tales of 'success' please I feel like I have ruined DS's life...

39 replies

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 06/07/2013 09:18

I know it is the post birth hormones (DD 2 weeks today) but I cannot shake the feeling that we have done the wrong thing with a 5 yr gap. Not that we can do anything about it obviously. Keep crying about it.

DS (5) just seems so old - realtively - and this morning asked when DD will be old enough to play with him. I just worry that by the time she can play he'll no longer be interested in playing as he'll be heading towards tweens/teens. I feel like we have done wrong by him. Sad

We chose to have a big gap as we are in close in age to our siblings and don't really get along. We also didn't feel able to have 2 close together. So it was a choice, which I know some don't have the option of.

Just wanted to please ask for 5 year gaps 'success' stories....

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undertheduvet · 06/07/2013 10:16

ive a 4 1/2 year gap and it worked really well ds1 (7) and ds2 (3) are little best pals. i think having a younger sibling has stopped ds1 from growing up too quickly iyswim. he still wants to do more hrown up things but loves playing with cars and make believe games and trains. doesnt feel its uncool because hes playinf with his brother. Personally i found it easier as well as the older one was at school so the new baby also gets the one to one time he older one got.

jimijack · 06/07/2013 10:22

Hi!
I have a 6 month old and a 10 year old and tis fiiiiiine Smile

In fact, its lovely. My 10 year old is SO helpful and SO proud of his little brother.

I came into the room the other day and my 10 year old was casually "winding" the baby while watching Adventure time on tv telling him all about it.

My age gap was not by choice, but my ds was 5 before we started trying for dc2, i could NOT have coped with 2 littlies.

Here Brew xxx

GrandPoohBah · 06/07/2013 10:28

I have a 5yo DSS who acquired not one but two baby sisters this year, from his mum and his dad. I don't know about his mum's baby but our DD absolutely adores him - he's the only person who can consistently make her giggle, she looks for him all the time, and he loves it! We haven't had a moment of jealousy, he tidies up his toys in case she puts small bits in her mouth, and he comes to tell me about a million times if she's grizzly and needs feeding.

Congratulations op, I'll be fine :)

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perplexedpirate · 06/07/2013 10:28

9 years between me and my bro and I luffs him!
There are pictures of me holding him when he was a baby and its clear we are besotted with each other.
It'll be fine, big age gaps are great! Smile

PattieOfurniture · 06/07/2013 10:34

I have a 6 year gap with my two, the first year was the hardest. Now they play great together and no one makes ds2 18mo laugh like his big 7 nearly 8 yo brother. It's magical

Branleuse · 06/07/2013 10:37

theres no such thing as the perfect gap. 5 years is a perfectly normal gap. You dont ruin a kids life by giving them a sibling. Its a wonderful thing.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 06/07/2013 10:59

I have a 4 year gap and now at 5 and 1 they are best friends. They'll play together because they're siblings, the age won't matter. :)

I also couldn't see how a sibling would be good for DD1, she was so used to it being just us. But she adores her sister and it's lovely seeing them together now, even if they are bloody noisy!

Satnightdropout · 06/07/2013 11:07

There was 5 years between me and brother, me being the eldest. We were very close, always playing together and arguing like siblings do (which I believe is a sign of a close relationship, lol). I don't really ever remember him being too young to play with, he grew up so quick.

However, when I got to about 13,him being 8, I started wanting to go out with my friends from school and he used to always have to tag along. But that soon went once he got a bit older and he developed his own group of friends. Now that we're 24 (very nearly 25) and 20 we get on very well and don't notice and age gap at all.

McButtonwillow · 06/07/2013 18:42

I have a 5 year at gap, ds1 is 8 & ds2 is 3 and they play together loads and are actually much closer then I ever thought they would be. Admittedly when ds2 was a baby it was pretty boring for ds1 but once he started toddling about and talking their relationship went from strength to strength and now they are as thick as thieves Smile

MsJupiterJones · 07/07/2013 00:43

My sister is 4 1/2 yrs younger than me and my brother 7 1/2 yrs younger, I get on fantastically well with both of them and have wonderful happy memories of our childhood together.

My brother & sister who have a smaller age gap get on least well - too much competition maybe? - but really you don't have anything to worry about.

It is probably the hormones, I wept buckets post-birth thinking I had had DS too old and kept counting the years we'd have together if I lived to 80, 100 etc... Normal I think but keep an eye on yourself in case it becomes too obsessive. Congratulations!

Goldmandra · 07/07/2013 15:22

My two girls are just under 6 years apart.

They get on far better than most of my friends' children.

It took ten years for any sibling rivalry to develop at all and it's still very low level.

DD1 has gone to theme park today (as a volunteer guide) and I've just listened to a couple of DD2's friends quizzing her about it and asking her why she isn't jealous.

It hasn't occurred to her to be jealous because they don't expect to do the same things.

The age gap means that they don't compete for the same kind of attention and it also means that DD1 can look after DD2 at times, taking the role of a grown up, e.g. picking her up from school for me.

It's all good. I wouldn't change it for the world Smile

Xihha · 08/07/2013 16:49

There is 5 years between my 2. ds (who is 9) is brilliant at amusing his little sister (4) and tells me he quite likes having an excuse to play with little kids toys sometimes and has been teaching her to read, dd loves having a much bigger brother and learns so much from him. (they do fight from time to time but I think all children do) and ds's friends are great at letting dd play with them unless its football coz she kicks like a girl Grin

I come from a big family and theres quite big age gaps between some of us as well (my big brothers are 9years and 2 years older than me and my younger brothers and sisters are 10, 12, 14 and 15 years younger than me) and all of us get on really well with each other, although my big brothers tell me I was an absolute pain when i was little (and sometimes still am).

BeaandMe · 08/07/2013 21:51

i have a six yo ds and a six month old dd. It is fab. Ds seems to think dd understands everything he says and they pjay together for hours at a time!

Original poster
MrsMargoLeadbetter · 09/07/2013 14:10

Thanks for the further good news stories as it were.

The hormones have calmed down a little so feeling a bit more rational. Really good to hear so many success stories though. Thanks again.

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