Kindergarten pressure

[oceanblue321]

I have a two and a four year old and a husband who travels for long periods. We gave no family nearby and working from home is a juggling act. I feel a total loss of financial j dependence having given up a good job when our first child arrived. Kindergarten are pressuring me to pick up our two earlier as they say they need more mummy time. I feel like bad mother and I'm constantly running around trying to meet demands. Help! Do I stand up to Kindergarten and say no or just give up my last thread of work/me time. Some nights are so sleepless with either child waking up that J feel I'm on the edge of totally losing it. Any suggestions?

Okay, how often are they in Kindergarden? Do they both go? What are the 'demands' you are running around after? Are you working at the moment?

I think the answers to these questions will affect the responses you get :)

They both go every morning. I work from home and the demands are more just the everyday mum/wife/work demands and the constant juggling act.

So it's not like they're there full-time then. Why do Kindergarten think they need more mummy-time? Seems like a funny thing to say and I'd want to understand their reasons I think.
On the other hand, if their reasons are good and your kids do in fact need more mummy-time, I'd be inclined to re-prioritise.

I'd take it to mean they haven't settled well. Some DC don't (more often boys than girls, IME). I think it's brilliant they are being honest with you.

Is the 4yo starting school in Sept? Is it just the two year old who is having problems? You have to decided if your DS will be happier pining for you while at kindergarten, or with you while you are feeling resentful you re unable to work/relax because you are caring for him.

Strangely it's our 4yo who is struggling and has always struggled with change. One teacher was away this week and I was ill for a few days so I think it's a reaction to changes in routine, but instead of understanding it as temporary I feel they over-react each time she needs reassurance. It's difficult to know how to respond. On the whole everything is good and she misses her friends at the weekend but she has wobbles when anyone is away: me, my husband or a teacher. She is quite sensitive, whereas nothing phases our 2yo.

I agree but it seems to only be from time to time during any change in routine.

Are you in the UK? Or is it something like a Steiner kindergarten? It doesn't sound like the kind of thing most UK nursery/preschool staff would say - they are usually keen to help children become more independent and less clingy.

In any case, I would say that what your children probably most need is a mother who can keep her stress levels down as much as possible (not easy if your DH is mostly away and you don't have family support) so I would try to deflect the kindergarten, reassure your DD, and hope things improve once the unsettling effect of the teacher being away/your being ill has passed.

No, we're in Europe and Kindergarten teachers here have strong opinions on parenting styles. It's a Montessori Kindergarten which we've generally been really happy with. You're right about stress levels and they've been at an all time high thus week. 2yo is pushing all the boundaries and antibiotics are making me feel grotty.. I really appreciate all of your helpful comments. Thank you so much.

Ah, the Europe/Montessori thing makes a lot of sense. Have you tried explaining that you think it is a combination of the teacher's absence, your DH being away and your illness that has unsettled your DD, rather than not having enough time with you?

She may be acting miserable at kindergarten and saying she wants her mummy, but to be honest that is what children often say as a default thing when they are not happy for all sorts of reasons, and they often cheer up with other solutions than getting their mummy back (which may not actually help at all).

Don't let yourself be browbeaten by the kindergarten into reducing hours if you know it is going to make you more stressed and miserable yourself - that certainly won't be good for the children.

Just discovered from DD that a teacher has been telling her to ask me to pick her up early! How do I tackle this one? It's really unprofessional and I've been getting the feeling that she wants to go home early.

Thank you. Yes, I'm not sure that going earlier works. DS often kicks up more a fuss. Wonder if the changer over of staff with summer hols and my health is the prob as SD worries if I'm unwell or her routine changes.