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Parenting

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Original poster

Neat Trick: Getting a Toddler to say "Sorry"

9 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 04/06/2006 14:58

DS2, 20 months, is mostly non-verbal. But we've picked up a way for him to say sorry - he strokes his victim on the cheek, softly. It gets him back in the habit of being gentle, and does come across as a genuine "sorry".

He's learned it pretty quickly, and it makes it much easier to get out of tussles with him.

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chjlly · 04/06/2006 15:00

My ds used to stoke the victim he had hurt when saying sorry - it did scare some kids though when he stroked them though!

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 04/06/2006 15:01

Yeah, he does sometimes use saying sorry as a chance to get in a few more swipes.

But mostly, he seems to understand the idea, and it helps some.

(He's such a slappy/kicky sort of baby. I'm sure his brother was the same, but it's quite alarming living with such a little savage.)

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yawningmonster · 05/06/2006 10:33

sorry to change tack slightly NQC but what are your current tactics when your ds kicks and slaps? I have a 20mth old who slaps and kicks anything he disagrees with, he doesnt do it hard and at home ignoring seems to be fairly successful, ie: if slaps me I get up and do something else immediately withdrawing from him. I cant do this when he wallops another child though and have said "gentle hands" and distracted about a kazillion times a day. Would be greatful for ideas (time out not really an option, he is still very babyish for 20 mths and just wouldnt get it) He too will now pat and stroke after each wallop (kind of a wallop/make it better/wallop type arrangement)

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Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 05/06/2006 10:38

Hmm, I try:

ignoring, as you say. If he's on me, and slaps me, I put him down.
he's got to say "sorry".
and hitting doesn't help him get what he wants.

To be fair, though, at this age, some degree of hitting is inevitable. They can't say "oi, don't do that", so they assert themselves by hitting. If they're hitting people their size or bigger, and with provocation (e.g. DS2 hits DS1 after DS1 has been rough with him), then I think it's safe to assume they'll grow out of it.

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Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 05/06/2006 10:39

Oh, and I'd take him away from the kid he's hitting, obviously.

Another "discipline" technique that works quite well at this age is the long boring lecture. You come down to their level, and explain, in a few calm measured sentences, why hitting is wrong. This makes clear to the other parents that you're doing something about it, and hopefuly punishes your child by boring them and stopping them doing what they want.

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biglips · 05/06/2006 10:40

mine is 20 months too and she gives them a kiss and cuddle - another way of saying sorry

nowanearlyNicemum · 05/06/2006 10:40

ditto biglips!!

biglips · 05/06/2006 10:41

as ive tried to get her to say sorry but she cant even say the word as yet! but she can say "Thank you"!! - lol!!

plummymummy · 07/06/2006 22:28

Ds (2 this month) only learned sorry about a month ago. Before that we used to ask him to say sorry and he would rub his head! We thought maybe another kid bumped into him at nursery and he associated the word sorry with a sore head! Time out used to work for him but doesn't anymore. Getting him to say sorry is more effective. Also considering starting a sticker reward thing (when he's good) as he loves stickers.

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