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Original poster

Will he get custody

15 replies

MummyOf3SoonToBe4 · 04/07/2013 17:09

I'm out of my mind with worry, my ex has threatened to take my unborn baby away from me as soon as it's born, it all started because he said he wants me back but I refused and he likes to throw his toys out the pram and get nasty when he hears something he doesn't like or doesn't get his own way, I have 3 other children from a previous relationship and anyone who has multiple kiddies will know it can be very trying at times and can get quite stressful so he threw in my face that he has me audio recorded snapping at them which I don't do that often but when they all play up together it's tough I don't smack or do anything negative towards just shout sometimes and use the time out wall, I said that I would be willing to help him as he is a first time dad and I would try and help him to be as best a dad as he can be but only when he had time off from and free time for me there was nothing more i could offer he also said his mum wanted to see the baby so I said she could come to mine for the first few months or until I felt comfortable enough for him to let the baby go with him for a while I said that this might take 3-6 months after that he exploded and said it wasn't good enough and that he was going to rip my family into a million pieces just to get his baby because it WILL live with him, so now I am beside myself with worry that I will loose my new baby and it will get taken away from it's siblings, this man has no experience with children he lives with his grandparents in a single room with a single bed, he constantly lied about being antidepressants, he would constantly say nasty things to me to get a reaction and just generally make me feel like crap on 6 different occasions he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby, his mum threw him out and has only just started talking to her again, I'm hoping someone could give me some advice I'm sorry it's long winded many thanks

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/07/2013 17:11

There is absolutely no way this abusive man would get residence with your baby. You don't even have to have him on the birth certificate, indeed, you can't name him as father unless he attends the registration. Please don't worry.

Original poster
MummyOf3SoonToBe4 · 04/07/2013 17:17

Thank you, it's just been playing on my mind its awful I didn't think that any court would take a child away from is mother when there are multiple children that Arnt in any danger and are just loved more than anything in the world :), but It just really hurts like a knife stabbing in my heart when I heard him say it I don't understand how someone can not want something one minute and then want to rip it away the next

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/07/2013 17:22

Oh, they all do that, "I'll take the dc" is a standard threat, and recognised as such in The System. The best he could hope to start with is the odd hour-long, supervised access.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting Relationship problems
NumTumDeDum · 04/07/2013 17:43

There is no possibility of your child being removed at birth on his say so. This is an empty threat designed to scare you into doing what he wants. It would be sensible to report the things he is saying to you to your midwife and GP so there is a record. If you at all concerned phone child protection for advice. It seems more likely that they would be concerned about his behaviour than yours.

When the baby is born you will habe parental responsibility. Father does not get this automatically unless he is married to the mother. He can obtain it by you both registering him as the father at the registry office, or later by you completing a pr agreement or he can apply to the court. The court is highly likely to grant it provided there is evidence he is the father - usually a dna test.

Your suggestions regarding contact are sensible. If he does not agree with you he can ask you to attend mediation or he can make an application for contact. If he wants the child to live with him it would be an application for residence (not custody - that's the american version). He is not going to get residence based on what you say in your op. He is likely to get contact on a gradual basis working from seeing baby at home to taking baby out to then having baby with him. The speed of that depends on many factors, including any risks to baby.

If there is any violence at all get it logged and report. You won't now get legal aid unless there is evidence of domestic violence.

Original poster
MummyOf3SoonToBe4 · 04/07/2013 17:52

That was really good advice thank you for taking the time to read my worries, it's just frustrating and statements like that can really put you down

OP posts:
LookingForwardToMarch · 04/07/2013 17:54

If its any help you have to be a terrible, god-awful abusive/addict/mental mum for him to have a chance.

And you sound nice so I wouldn't worry Smile

NumTumDeDum · 04/07/2013 18:06

No problem, sorry about the typos. Any further probs post in Legal as there are a lot of family solicitors on MN. Just one other thing, keep a diary of your conversations with him from now on, log any incident together with what was said, you may need to refer to it later. Also put your proposals in writing - email will suffice.

brilliantwhite · 04/07/2013 18:15

i think you should get proper legal advice instead of listening to people saying what they know you want to hear . it will set your mind at rest if it the advice is from someone who knows the law .

Original poster
MummyOf3SoonToBe4 · 04/07/2013 18:33

I really didn't know where to put this post as iv only just signed up so I was hoping in here would attract some people who have had the same problem, iv actually had to change my number as he wouldn't relent up so hopefully I won't hear anything until after the baby is here :)

OP posts:
brilliantwhite · 04/07/2013 18:44

i should think it is really a bad time for you and would rather you got some solid advice than people just saying everything will be ok ,can you go to citizien advice and get some free legal advice, and i think there is a legal thread on here , i hope everything works out for you .

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/07/2013 18:52

The legal matters board where OP will get exactly the same advice.]]

NandH · 04/07/2013 18:58

He will NOT get custody! What an idiot he's being! Please don't worry! I'm speaking from similar experience, however I shan't bore you with that! Just please don't worry!!!

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 04/07/2013 19:08

Log EVERYTHING, if you can, think back and write up retrospectively things that have happened. Be really careful what you put in writing to him, i.e email and what you might say in a phone call - he could record it. Don't worry about the alleged recording - it would not be good enough evidence to take away a baby from a new mum!!!!! Just make sure you have a good support team around you

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 04/07/2013 22:28

He will not be able to take her. His only motivatin is to hurt you.

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 04/07/2013 22:31

You might want to post on the Relationships board. There's lots of people on there and I'm sure there will be people who have gone through this.

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