Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Am I too young?

55 replies

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 21:37

Hi everyone, I am soon to be 18 years old and I am in a loving relationship that has so far been 3 years. I have one problem, I really want a baby, and my partner says that he does too but we are too young. However I feel that it is not all about age but it is about maturity and i feel ready. What do you think? Has anyone experienced this and if so, what did you do? Bex

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BagelBird · 03/06/2006 22:18

You can be a lot older and not ready for a child! It is more about where you are emotionally in your life and relationship rather than your age.
Personally, I am very glad that I enjoyed my early twenties with a little money going out, kitting out my house, enjoying being part of a couple etc and waited until late twenties to have our children. Don’t resent not going out/ the lost spontaneity of childless couple lifestyle as I have done that, enjoyed it and ready to move on.
Only you can judge whether the time is right - but if your partner isn’t ready yet, then be very careful how you proceed. Even if you persuade him right now - how will you know that he is changing his mind for the right reasons and not just to make you happy/stop you leaving??
A baby is a massive life changing no going back kind of decision and not one you can make thanks to a load of anonymous posters telling you the obvious. Talk to your partner - try not to keep looking forward to the next step and enjoy where you are now. It is easy to get caught into always looking forward and never really appreciating what is right here now.
Good Luck with your decision

bramblina · 03/06/2006 22:19

If there's any doubt from either of you then don't do it. In a heated argument or 3 years down the line it will come out as someone's fault and that will just drive you both crazy. You must both be up for it 100%. It's a little person, a life, a real little person you're thinking about. But that little someone will come along for you eventually. And oh boy it is worth the wait.

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 22:19

You are right foundintranslation, I feel that maybe I am confusing the broodiness with being ready. I think its linked to hormones, evey month the week before my period I get broody. Does that happen to other peeple?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

AngelaD · 03/06/2006 22:23

Children are for life not just for Christmas !
Interesting that you say you'd like a baby, do you not want an awkward 6 year old or a spotty faced teenagers too ? They are not babies for long.
Good luck
xx

bramblina · 03/06/2006 22:26

Yes, I am broody everyday, but my ds is only 10 months. I am broody because there's nothing better than a brand new wonderful newborn and all the wonderful things that go along with that, but for me, I stop the broodiness by reminding myself of the downsides. It's all too easy to want something and convince yourself to go for it because you choose to see the good sides of it, but if you really think about the downsides it will make you re-assess. This can be true of most things- the grass is always greener on the other side.

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 22:26

Very true. I think that the fact I have to ask people probably means im not ready yet emotionally. Also my partner doesnt seem ready because he is the one that says we are too young and not ready yet. I will go to uni, party and then think about being a mummy :) I think mind was made up already but thanks every1 :o!!!!

OP posts:

julezboo · 03/06/2006 22:27

Hi BSB

I fell pregnant with my son at aged 19 - just three weeks before i found out me and my then partner discussed it and had decided to wait - go figure lol. Although not with the same man now, My little boy is 4 years old. I ended up a single mammy by the time he was 2 months old and i wont lie to you it was hard. He was born 9 weeks early and I was poorly so a little extra hard for me. But i coped. I dont regret having him though he is my whole world now, what i do regret is not having done my studies first.

Suppose what Im trying to say is make sure you and your dp are totally ready, the previous poster who said "they are not babies for long" is right, it only seems like yesterday my Matthew was born, hes starting school in sept. Im 24 now with "the one" and trying for another baby ( i must be mental though haha)

Please think about your decision carefully

Good luck chick x x x

pinkmagic1 · 03/06/2006 22:43

I had my DS when I hd just turned 25. I didn't want to be an older parent, but I didn't want to be ridiculously young either.
I actually got married when I was only 18 but the thought of having a child then would have totally freaked me out. DH and me got ourselves reasonably financially secure, enjoyed each others company and really got to know each other inside out before we decided to take the plunge and have a child.
Looking after a child is more demanding than you can ever imagine, can put strain on the most rock solid of relationships and there is no going back. Its up to you but please think long and hard.

AngelaD · 03/06/2006 23:11

Good on you Bexy, think of all the stories you'll have to share with your little one about travelling the world and graduating, my girls love to hear about what I was like as a young woman and I like to think the stories are midly interesting (if a little edited).

LadyTambaOfTambaTown · 03/06/2006 23:36

I had ds1 at 18 and ds2 at 20.

They are 4 and 2 now.

I dont think even now I am ready to have children. I wouldnt change my boys for anything - but to have the freedom to be young would be fantastic.

In hindsight, I would have waited - but then hindsight is a wonderful thing isnt it!

Live your life for you. Emjoy spending time with your partner just the two of you, travel, do everything you ever dreamed of doing. And then consider having children, because once you do there is no turning back.

zoeuk1 · 04/06/2006 09:54

we had our first ds when dh was 19 and i had just turned 22. ds1 is now 12 and we have another ds whos 7 and we got married 6 yrs ago. we had only been together for a matter of weeks before i fell pregnant with ds1! terrible i know! fortunately it worked out for us and we are both really plessed we had the children young. when ds1 is 20 dh will be 39. im sure they'll enjoy popping to the pub together etc!

fattiemumma · 04/06/2006 10:22

my son was born on my 20th birthday so not quite as young as you.

i would say that if your really wanting to have a child with this man then you need to speak about it a lot more.
your desire to have a child wont decrease in time...only get stronger, as will your partner's.

i think there is a lot of maturity in your posts and after a little time you will just "know" that the time is right.for both of you.

good luck.

DumbledoresGirl · 04/06/2006 10:34

I think if you are asking if you are too young, you are too young. What I mean by that is, if you have the slightest doubt at all, don't do it. Having a baby will change your life forever and there are no days off, for the next 20 years at least. Do you really want that?

Butht then, I admit, I was 31 before I had my first child and had no real urge to have a child until I was in my late 20s. I mean, I always wanted to have them eventually, but I wanted to have my youth and freedom first. With the benefit of hindsight, I would say mid 20s would be a good age to start a family, no earlier. If the man you are with is the right man for you, he will still be around in 6-7 years time.

Adorabelle · 04/06/2006 10:42

Was 27 when I had my now 2yr old dd. Was not ready at all before then.
Now know if I had her
any younger I would not have coped as wouldn't
have been emotionally/mentally ready to deal with
the stresses & strains motherhood often brings along. Love being a Mum, wouldn't change one moment of it, but bloody hell it can be hard sometimes.

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 04/06/2006 12:49

Like I said before, working in a nursery can give you the idea that children are not as difficult as some pople saythey are. Dont get me wrong, you gus, but in a nursery it does seemlike an easy thing to do. BUT...you have more than one adult, it is not a 24/7 job and you can handthem back. I think those are the things I easily forget.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 04/06/2006 13:21

When broodiness takes over it becomes very difficult to think about anything other than having a baby. And when you start trying to conceive it develops into obsession (see any conception thread on here). I think at any point when you start considering starting a family you should approach it from a different angle. Instead of sitting down and discussing 'do we want a baby?', 'how will it fit in with studying?', 'what about work and nurseries?', 'do we get married first?' ad nauseum, you should try talking about anything other than babies. Talk about what you'd like to study, what countries you want to see, whether you want to try writing a book, what colour to paint the kitchen in your first house etc. And when you find yourself getting passionate about all of these things and planning the amazing things you will do as a couple, then consider how a baby will affect these things. Consider how it's easier to have the baby after all these wonderful things as an addition to a full life, but how much harder it will be to give your all to anything once you have a baby.

I have no doubt that any mother at any age will do her best by her child, but why not think about doing best by yourself and dp first?

Twiglett · 04/06/2006 13:25

I would have been .. I didn't have my first till I was 33 and had a whale of a time in my 20's studying, travelling and working and partying

I was ready to have children in my early 30's and wouldn't have been before

looking back .. I regret nothing ... you need to work out whether you'd regret anything

festiveface · 04/06/2006 14:33

i haven't read all the posts here but, i got pregnant at 19 and had a second child at 23. i had felt broody since the age of 17, it was all i ever wanted. now, at 30, i know i should have waited. i love my kids with all my heart but my advice is DONT DO IT, WAIT.
i think when you are young it's best to be free of the responsibility. children can wait but once you have had them your life is not your own ever again.
i never bargained for how much i would worry about mine. you are opening a large can of worms when you get pregnant and you should be experienced in life. thats my feelings anyway.

trinityrhino · 04/06/2006 15:07

you will never be free and able to do whatever you want ever again and you will be exhausted and yearn for sleep for years

i would wait, live a little first, enjoy your carefreeness

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 04/06/2006 15:12

It is great to only be responsible for myself at the moment nd I dont think I am ready to give up that freedom to care for a new little person.

OP posts:

tribpot · 04/06/2006 15:28

In a nursery, you basically 'only' have to look after the baby (times three) - play with them, change nappies (and actually do you have a nappy rota so some poor soul has to wipe poopy bots for an entire day or something?), feed them, get them off to sleep. There are loads of other people around to talk to, give advice, help out, moan to when your children are being appalling, etc.

Contrast that with actually having a baby. No sleep, often no-one to talk to all day (or all night!), no handing them back and going off down the boozer (if only), and having to fit in running a house / having a job / having some semblance of a marriage / god forbid some semblance of a life of your own, and it goes on 24*7, every day of the year. Plus you don't get paid. (Although I admit that only someone genuinely interested in kids would work for the wages that nursery staff get).

My babysitter worked in nurseries when she was your age, she's now at uni and 21. Although she is incredibly broody she knows it's too soon for her to have kids.

My older sister had a baby at 19, and I'm pretty sure she would advise waiting as well.

dinosaure · 04/06/2006 15:30

Please don't be offended, but I think yes, you are too young. Go and be silly and irresponsible for a few years, once you have a baby you can never - NEVER - live like that again.

FioFio · 04/06/2006 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

FioFio · 04/06/2006 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

spacedonkey · 04/06/2006 15:36

I was 23 when I had my dd (25 when I had ds) and I think that was too young. Not that I regret having them at all, just that it is very hard to understand how big the unremitting responsibility is before you actually do it.

Flip

1 2 3