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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I too young?

55 replies

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 21:37

Hi everyone, I am soon to be 18 years old and I am in a loving relationship that has so far been 3 years. I have one problem, I really want a baby, and my partner says that he does too but we are too young. However I feel that it is not all about age but it is about maturity and i feel ready. What do you think? Has anyone experienced this and if so, what did you do? Bex

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soapbox · 03/06/2006 21:42

I think you need to do what is right for you:)

I would say that for me it would have been a sheer disaster if I had had a child that young. I wanted my freedom to travel the world, study and get a good job. I also would have had a child with the wrong man at 18, even if I did marry him!

There really is no rush - you have your whole life ahead of you.

But there are others on here who have had children quite young who are really good parents. So you might want to listen to them rather than an old fart like me

Chandra · 03/06/2006 21:42

BSB, I'm even wary of posting this but... parenthood is a great responsability, once a parent all your life revolves around it and there's no way to go back. Children are fantastic, they really are, but my advice would be to wait, live as much as you can and then, have the baby and pass on him/her all the wisdom you have earned (and funny stories) you had accumulated by experiencing being free and independant during your early adulthood.

kama · 03/06/2006 21:44

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KommandantColditz · 03/06/2006 21:44

don't do it.

I had a baby at 22, and I had had my fun, but do you really want to spend your 18th birthday pregnant?

You can have more fun, if you want your babies young then fine, wait until you are 20-something.

Go clubbing. Get mindlessly drunk. Go on holiday with your mates. Stay out all night, sleep on a beach, go camping, get on a train and go to france for the day - don't have babies yet. 18 does not come back, ever again.

foundintranslation · 03/06/2006 21:45

I think my answer to yout title would be:
Not necessarily, but possibly.
It certainly isn't all about age - you're right on that. A lot, I think, depends on your situation - what do you want to do in the future? Would having a baby now be seriously detrimental to those plans? What do you and your partner both do now? How long have you wanted a baby? Do you have any experience of babies/children (your name would seem to indicate at least babysitting experience)?
HTH. (I'm afraid I've no experience of this personally - Ihad my first at 28 and would have felt far too young at your age, but that was all to do with my own situation and where I felt I was in my life)

MerlinsBeard · 03/06/2006 21:45

i was 21 when i had my first and i would say to make sure that u have done everything taht u want to do first that having a child would prevent. I had fulfilled my dream and it was the right point in my life AND my partners life to start a family. At the end of the day it should be a joint decision and there is plenty of time for you to have children.

tortoise · 03/06/2006 21:45

i had my 1st at 19 and although not planned it was great.He's 9 now and i have 3 other children.Shame neither of my 2 relationships worked out.
Do what you feel right.You have plenty of time for children and looking back myself i wish i had waited a while longer to see how the relationship worked out before having children.
Good luck it whatever you decide to do.

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 21:46

Yeah it makes sense guys. It would be good for m to get my degree first. I just worry that it will never happen if I get myself a full time job after my degree. Also its hard working with children, I love it soooo much but I end up getting all broody!! Same when I see my man with his younger cousins and I know he would really enjoy being a dad. I suppose I am just trying to grow up too quick!

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moondog · 03/06/2006 21:46

wAAAAAY TOO YPUNG.
yU'RE NUTS TO BE CONTEMPLATING BABY NOW.

charliecat · 03/06/2006 21:47

If you do go ahead in a few years time your going to have a 6/7/8 year old and your friends are just going to be settling down themselves, so while your ready to get back out on the dance floor after being stuck at home watching the tweenies for years they are all going to be saying No sorry, going to have a night -in tonight. Cant drink, im pregnant etc.
Wouldnt recommend it.

KommandantColditz · 03/06/2006 21:49

That's the problem with babies. You can't change your mind. You have about 20 years before it is at all too late, and you can change your mind about not having a baby, but if you do have a baby now, then if it turns out to be too early for you, it's tough luck because you are stuck with that decision.

KommandantColditz · 03/06/2006 21:50

Plus, when you have a 6/7 year old, and want to be going out clubbing, everyone else you know with a 6/7 year old will be 10/15 years older than you and will want to drink wine.

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 21:51

I suppose, thinking about it I would liketo have a young newborn now, but in a couple of years it would be difficult having a toddler running around while at uni! I have two years part time exprience with children in nurseries for my Cache Diploma but at the end of the day I can hand them back! I couldnt if it was my baby!!!

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moondog · 03/06/2006 21:52

You're usually too young but rarely too old....

kama · 03/06/2006 21:53

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foundintranslation · 03/06/2006 21:54

Oh bexy, no offence but don't confuse broodiness with being ready.

You're still not necessarily 'too young', but you've got loads of time - getting a degree would be a lot more complicated with a child - don't worry about afterwards. I got pg 6 months into a new job (my first one with decent pay - I'd done a doctorate) while dh was still finishing his degree. We've managed (we've been very very lucky with the flexibility of my job and dh's willingness to do his share, but still). I think in your position I'd go and study first, enjoy some independence and have a nice time - then you can still get going afterwards :)

Alipiggie · 03/06/2006 21:58

Have a life first, go out and see the world. Children change absolutely everything and remember when they're yours you can't hand them back :o

kama · 03/06/2006 22:00

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PanicPants · 03/06/2006 22:00

I think you're far to young, I'd wait a year at least and then see how you feel.

2 of my sisters had their children very young, and although they certainly haven't regretted having their children they have regretted the missed oportunities.

On the other hand I left having children until my late 20's and then it took me 4 years to conceive, so maybe a happy medium is best!

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 22:01

Yes, well we are engaged and supposed to marry in two years. Prehaps it would be best for a child if we waited until we are little bit more mature as after we have married I will also have experienced a gap year and got a bit more life experience. Working in a nursery with children is not the same as being a 24/7 mummy but both appeal, ad I have wanted this for a while now.

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bramblina · 03/06/2006 22:02

I don't think age comes in to it as much as some folk make out- I view it in as much that if you have a lot of experience, knowledge, understanding, time, patience and security to offer then that's probably a good home to bring a child in to. There are definitely a lot of advantages to having your family young.
Do you both have savings or are you financially stable & secure? Can you cook? Are you happy with giving up your life for the little one? And have you thought about why you want the baby, or who do you want it for? For you, to have someone to love and someone who loves you, or because you feel you have a lot of life to give, educate and nurture?
Have you thought about how many children you want, and will you be able to have them with the age gap you intend if you have your first just now?
I really hope this doesn't come accross in a bad way! I'm just trying to give you a few different perspectives to think about.

kama · 03/06/2006 22:03

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Snafu · 03/06/2006 22:09

What's the rush?

Original poster

Babysitterbexy · 03/06/2006 22:11

He is the one who put the doubts in my head about age which makes me think he doesnt feel ready.

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ScummyMummy · 03/06/2006 22:18

Hi Bex.
My gut instinct is to say yes, you are too young, wait, wait, wait! But that is partly old fogeyness on my part, I think. I've met some great teenage parents and also some very stressed ones. But that's true of older parents too I guess. I think I'd ask these sorts of questions:
Do you live with your partner?
In your own place? With enough space?
Do you have enough money to live on?
Are your parents supportive?
Are you and your partner doing jobs that you like or are you, like many people, still working towards that, ie at college or looking for a job you like?
Do you and your partner both want a child now? (sounds like no?)

I think that, unless you are super rich and even then to an extent, having a baby kind of takes away your license to experiment and make mistakes for a while and that's a major shame- people really do need a time when they are responsible only to themselves, I think. Things that are quite difficult to deal with anyway can stymie you completely if you have a kid to contend with as well. For example, if one of you stayed at home to look after the baby for a while the other might have to stay in their job even if they hated it so that there was some money coming in. 17 is very young to be in a job you hate for the forseeable future, I'd say. That's just one example. You could decide that you and you boyf are a teenage fling after all (does happen- I thought I'd be with the love of my teenage life forever. I'm not!), discover that you long to travel the world (quite hard with a baby) etc etc etc. I'm really not saying teenage parenthood can't work- there're lots and lots of people who make it work brilliantly but it can come at a big price, ime. Most people don't regret their kids but I don't think there can be too many good arguments against putting parenthood off for a few more years at least. Good luck, whatever you decide to do though.

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