I do take medication and it really, really helps. I wish I had had access to it earlier - I only started taking it about a year ago. There were other things that helped other than medication, but it's like medication is a sort of glue that helps improvements that I make stick, rather than falling off all the time. Because previously it felt like I would work on one issue and that would get easier but everything else would get worse, so I would turn to something else and the original thing would get worse and fall back to the baseline of chaos again and I could never ever catch up, which was pretty depressing.
I feel like I function at a somewhat "normal" level now which I really didn't then! I say "somewhat" because I do still feel that I fall short of what other mums do - I know I rely on DH a lot more, based on what my friends say they have to manage in their homes, but I no longer beat myself up about this, and I'm sure there are also trade offs like maybe I notice details other people might not etc.
The hole I was stuck in where everything was chaotic, and every individual issue was sort of spreading out and affecting all the others is a REALLY common ADHD issue. I think of it like a plate of spaghetti. If you took one strand away, you wouldn't notice the difference. And sometimes as you take one out it snaps and sprays sauce everywhere. But little by little as you eat each strand of spaghetti, you can start seeing the pile get smaller and at the end when you only have a few left, they are spread out and don't touch each other any more.
Interestingly there is actually research about this - people who struggle with executive functioning (which is behind ADHD, and these skills are what enable you to do all the proactive stuff, like keep the kitchen counters clear, keep up with laundry, anticipate what children will need, know when you're going to run out of groceries etc) are not actually any worse at doing the tasks themselves, but people with poor executive functioning skills tend to live in chaotic environments so for example while someone with a neat and tidy house can simply take a clean chopping board, knife and pan and ample ingredients from their fridge/cupboard and start assembling a meal, the person with poor EF will often have to wash up the things they need, wipe down the stove, clear a space on the counter, reassess the recipe 3x because they are missing key ingredients. So that all makes the task much harder and more exhausting and time consuming. Which then has a vicious cycle effect where at the end cleaning up after yourself feels impossible and overwhelming (because it's not just a pan and a knife, but every other pan and plate and cup you own standing in a line next to the sink or a dishwasher waiting to be emptied etc). Which may then lead to less desire to cook properly, tendency to just eat biscuits to stave off hunger etc so you will have even less motivation and energy, etc.
And as I tended to find, when I solved one issue e.g. I might have got in a really good routine of keeping the counter clear for example. That helped with one aspect, but I still had to wash up the saucepan, chopping board, knife, wipe the stove and reassess the recipe 3x. So the end result was that it didn't feel like my change had made a difference, which was demotivating and I wouldn't keep up with it (which is why my habits never stuck), which then fed into a loop of negative self-talk like "Why am I so useless?" "I can never do anything properly" and the resulting low mood would also tank my motivation and energy, just like the fact I would live off biscuits and cups of tea for days at a time.
If I could go back or to give advice to someone who is stuck under the pile of spaghetti 
I would say to first of all identify any elephants in the room which are basically sneaking their own spaghetti onto my plate (very fussy eaters, those elephants).
Addiction/Abuse/environmental hazards (e.g. mould)/Stressful job, isolation, childhood trauma.
It is not easy to tackle any of these things but they are worth being honest about with yourself, because they are likely to be making everything harder and a lot of the effects of them are outside of your control - you have to deal with it from the root by e.g. separating from the abusive person, leaving the job.
Also get yourself on an ADHD waiting list if not diagnosed and in the meantime, go to the GP and ask for blood tests to screen for any medical causes of tiredness/brain fog, such as vitamin deficiencies and hormone issues e.g. thyroid. Consider a sleep study if revelant e.g. potential sleep apnoea. Ask about anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication, which GPs can usually prescribe, and consider DBT if it is offered in your area - this tends to be better for ADHD than general CBT. ADHD-informed CBT is good but that is unlikely to be available without a diagnosis.
Then try to list out all the factors that seem to cause issues and affect everything else, or things you feel guilty about/think you "should" do but can never seem to manage. Don't be daunted if it's a long list. That just tells you that you are dealing with a lot, more than most people, and in fact you should be proud of EVERYTHING you achieve because you have hurdles in the way which most people don't have.
Go down the list and see if any of it is a responsibility which you can reasonably drop. For example, are you volunteering at school? Strike this off because you have more urgent priorities at the moment. Are you managing stuff like your partner's family birthdays? Hand it back to him. This will immediately remove some things from your plate and that will help. If you're anything like the average ADHDer you'll also have loads of half-formed ideas in there like wanting to paint all the walls and make the entire family's diet more green and exercise more and write a novel and retrain as a social worker and etc etc etc. Having them all written out there makes it more obvious that you literally can't do all of those things at once.
Then pick one or two items off the list which, if you could tackle them, it would make a difference (even a small one) to the ease of your day to day life. That leaves one or two slots for anything which is urgent and unavoidable (e.g. things which have filled this slot for me: Pregnancy, having a newborn, starting a new job, settling child into childcare, moving house, potty training toddler).
Those are your THREE FOCUSES and NOTHING else is a focus. Ditch the guilt about excess spending, screen time, nutrition, exercise, gentle parenting, whatever it is which is not on the focus list. Give yourself total permission to be lazy and take shortcuts in those things. You will get to those later, but right now you are focusing on the three top things.
Focusing on it means, literally, use your hyperfocus - read books about it, watch documentaries about it, search old MN threads (or start a new one), watch youtube videos to find out the best way to do it. Invest in new tools/materials/systems, even courses, if you want and it will help you get excited about it.
I did this before medication and it helped a lot - previously I'd think I was doing useful stuff but it would be all over the place so it would get absorbed back into the spaghetti mess and then I wouldn't understand why it didn't help. More intense focus on one specific area actually created change which stuck, and dropping the guilt on everything else meant that I wasn't constantly beating myself up for all the ways I was "failing" because I knew that I had identified that as a problem, but I was not prioritising it yet, for a specific reason ie, I was prioritising this other issue which would in turn make the next thing I focused on easier. And it works. It really really does.