23 month old sleeping: tearing my hair out

[CakeInMyFace]

Am looking for some advice as I'm tearing my hair out. Since my DD was 18 months we've been having trouble with sleep in some form or another. The last few months she's mostly in our bed (when she wakes at night) plus ridiculously early wakings, but this is starting to cause major problems with my DH and I sleeping (too big, kicking me in the face etc etc).

As we've been getting ready to tackle this, she now won't go to bed either. The last few nights she has been crying (while we go back in every few min) but it goes on for hours and we end up taking her into our bed after giving up. She immediately goes to sleep next to me. When I try to put her in the cot she wraps her legs around me and it's a struggle to even put her down.

Seems I've created a problem where she can't sleep alone / in her cot anymore. The crying thing doesn't seem to be working and she's not getting much sleep. Her routine is a one hour nap over lunchtime (usually from 12:30 - 1:30). It used to be 12:30-2pm but cut this back to see if it would help. Bedtime routine starts about 7pm with a warm bath, teeth brushed, one or two short stories.

Am going crazy from sleep deprivation, no time to myself and feeling like a totally shit mother that can't get it right.

Please help!

My DS struggled at this age too. It was his imagination kicking in and I had to introduce light in his room or he was genuinely scared. We used this which turns off automatically after 45mins and this torch light which DS loves playing with and then uses as night light which we turn off when going to bed. He then has the minimum light from his groclock overnight.

This works for him, much more settled. But it still took about 6 weeks of return to bed/gradual withdrawal to get him sleeping better.

Fwiw I'd put a mattress on the floor of her room and lie down with her whilst she falls asleep. Then sleep there overnight. Gradually,every few days, move the mattress closer to the door, then through the door... Take it in turns with your DH. Big reward for nights spent in her bed rather than joining you on the mattress.

You'll get there eventually and personally I wouldn't leave her to cry.

Good luck

Thanks HP that's good advice. I never wanted to do crying but felt like it might be the only way. Mattress on the floor sounds like a good way to go, hadn't thought of doing that.

The night light sounds a good idea too - it's just so hard to know if its genuine fears (separation from me, etc) or if it's her playing up to get her own way with us.

Anything is worth a try to get this sorted out for the long term.

I thought my DS was just putting it on too at first. Felt v bad when it became obvious he was scared.

If it elapsed, he's just turned 3 and goes up for 1 story then left awake on his own. Doesn't get out of bed, quite happily falls asleep and sleeps through til mr sun (groclock thing) nearly every day and has for about the last 9-10mths. There was a time we never thought we'd get here. Then of course I go and have another one - dd 9 wks, so no sleep again!

*helps, not elapsed...no idea why my iPad did that one!