Please help me feel better about this!!

[Maisie55]

As a bit of background DS is 8 months, not the best sleeper, has been fed or rocked to sleep everytime. His sleep has been up and down lately but generally improving so an average night would be feeding about 1 and 5 and maybe going back down til 6.30 ish. Last week we had one amazing night where he went from 8.30-4.30.

This week we are on holiday and he has been worse, up 2 or 3 times in the night. Last night he had been up at 10.30 and when I got back into bed I forgot to turn the monitor back on. I woke up at 5 and ran in there to check him, he was fast asleep and appeared fine. I then had to get him up at 5.25 as I was so worried about how he would be if he could have been crying for hours in the night.

I am absolutely distraught about this, am very much against CC and CIO and would never have wanted to do this to any of my babies and have been sobbing on and off all morning about how I may have damaged him and whether this will have screwed him up or damaged the trust/bond etc. I have been trying to console myself with the fact that when I checked in his cot he hadn't been sick, he doesn't sound hoarse and he didn't wake his brother in the room next door. there is no way that we would have heard him crying as there are three doors between our room and his room in this place and we can only hear him through the monitor at night.

I can't believe that he slept through without waking so there must have been some crying and when I went to get him this morning he was at the other end of the cot so had obviously moved around a lot in the night, he also looked a bit puffy around the eyes which is just heartbreaking, although this may have been because I woke him up (clutching at straws!).

He seemed really tired still so went for a nap at 7 which I fed and rocked him for as usual, so of course I'm worried he's really tired because he was crying for hours in the night!

I know I need to just stop thinking about all the what ifs as there's no way I'll ever know what happened in the night and I keep imagining the worst, I just keep thinking of him crying on his own and noone coming and it breaks my heart.

How do I get over it and do you think he's ok?!!

Sorry for such a long post just needed to get it all out!

You'd have heard him, honestly. He was probably just extra tired and catching up. Seriously, just enjoy the feeling of having had uninterrupted sleep!

I know this might sound unsympathetic, but honestly, if he needed you, you'd have heard him. We've never had a monitor and always woke to see to DS.

I suspect he slept through - don't beat yourself up.

Are you for real?!

You would have heard him. Unless he sleeps in a different, detached house really you would. The puffy eyes probably are from being woken up early! 8 months wouldn't be out of the question for spontaneously sleeping through, either as a one off or as the start of doing it for good.

Maisie Oh dear, you sound so upset, but for your sake and your baby's sake you need to calm down a little. A mother's instinct would mean that if your baby was crying for any length of time, you would have heard him. He would have certainly woken your other DS if he had been crying too.

I suspect his eyes were puffy because you woke him up at 5.25.

You say you are on holiday? Try and put this behind you and enjoy your time away with your family. Your baby will be fine and will not be damaged by this. You never know, it may be the start of more restful nights for all of you.

Hope that helps a little.

Yep you would have heard, they get pretty loud, we stopped using our monitor as we can hear her through the wall. You sound like you need to put some one else on duty for a couple of nights and get a little rest, maybe his sleeping pattern is just changing. Dd started waking less around that time, he could be more tired as away from home.

Thank you for all the responses.

Having read back my op I admit that I do sound a bit hysterical and I can see why I may come across as overreacting. I posted too early and should have given myself some time to calm down!

I would really love to believe that I would have heard him but this is an old building with thick walls and our room is the opposite side of the house with three doors between us and we really can't hear anything without the monitor, however I am taking some comfort in the fact that he didn't wake his brother.

DS appears completely fine today so I will try not to think about it anymore! thank you again for your responses.