9 year old buying sweets before tea

[Hercule]

Ok I think I'm probably being too controlling here, and this is just the beginning of 'letting go'. DD1 goes out to play after school and keeps buying sweets from the local shop. Up until now I've only allowed fruit as a snack before tea. Initially I was annoyed and confiscated her money but now I'm thinking that was daft and as she gets older I obviously won't be able to control her diet (to that extent) or what she spends her pocket money on. Still annoying though when she picks at her tea and then 'fesses up to eating a Snickers 10 minutes before.

Not massive issue but would welcome any opinions.

Why are you giving her money?

Of course you should confiscate it. That way she learns that there are consequences for doing something you have asked her not to do.

She is only 9. You need to teach her rules and boundaries now or you will have a terrible time when she hits the teens.

She has pocket money once a week on a Saturday. She has been taking some of it out with her when she goes out to play without me realising. So you think I would be right to ban her from buying sweets and confiscate her pocket money? That was my initial thought, then I wondered if I was being silly. Presumably once kids get older (11?12?teens) they have their own pocket money/allowance. I remember buying crap from the shop on my way home from secondary school.

By the way I have no problem with rules boundaries, just questioning whether this particular rule is reasonable. If so am obviously happy to apply punishments for not obeying.

Mine had money that they earned for doing jobs.

They also had sanctions for misbehaving.

Personally I don't think pocket money is an entitlement. However, I know others will disagree.

9 is very young, but more to the point, you have asked her not to buy sweets and eat them before meals, and she is still doing it. I would have stopped the pocket money after the second offence, having issued a warning after the first.

You will have far bigger issues all too soon over alcohol, drugs, boys, homework, exams, staying out late, etc, so better clarify the ground rules now.

X posted with your last post.

Yes, I think the rule is entirely reasonable. I would be really cross if I had cooked a nice meal and DC wouldn't eat it because they had been eating sweets.

Ds has pocket money but it's kept in the kitchen cupboard and he had to ask if he can use it for sweets. Once a week after school is our rule otherwise he'd do it every day!

Could she buy sweets and eat them after her meal, providing she eats all of it?

Thanks for responses. So my rule is reasonable. Yes I know as she gets older there will be bigger issues, that's why I think it's important to get the balance right between discipline and trust. She's my eldest, so as she gets older I'm having to feel my way through the transition between her being with me and under my control all the time, and the total independence of adulthood. It's always helpful to get advice from parents with older children so thank you.

By the way the trouble with allowing her to buy the sweets and have them after tea is she's got two younger siblings so she'd have to share them! And I'm def not happy with them having sweets every day ( or her tbh).

Could you bribe her / encourage delayed gratification? Eg encourage her to save for something she really wants - and top up each week so she sees the reward? And give her a suitable snack / money to buy nice soft summer fruits with / dried fruit? Or a drink? Sounds to me like a sugar craving, so helping your daughter learn healthy snacking habits is important too. M&S do some yoghurt coated raisins and small dried fruit packs.