Hold my hand trying to get DS to sleep in his cot

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

He's been wailing for an hour now. I've popped in to tuck him back in and reassure him every few minutes but its not working. If anything he's wailing louder

He's nearly 11 months. I know i should have done it months ago but I didn't.

DP has gone to the pub lucky git. DD is at a friends. It seemed a good night to start.

Going back now. Feel like crying myself

You will triumph. I did it with my 10month old a wee while ago and it's made such a difference. She even will nap in her travel cot when away from home now. She's just happier cos she's getting better quality sleep. What have you been doing before this?

Sorry I can't offer much help as my daughter only stays in her cot for a few hours but is the room between 16-20 degrees Celsius? Also have you made sure he hasn't got a temperature or anything it could also be down to teething as my 6 month old wont be comforted even with milk when teething all I can suggest is nurofen or teething gel or maybe a bath, a drink and a cuddle and story in a darkish room then if he cheers up try and settle him in his cot again or try watching the tv with him and amusing him til he calms down. Hope this is of some help as I'm all too familiar with that feeling

It will be worth it. I sat next to ds1's cot for three long hours when he was 17 months with tears running down my face as well as his it was an hour the second night and five minutes the third. Now I have a little boy who gets excited about going to bed! Won't leave it so long with ds2. He is only 15 weeks now and far too little but he does not do sleeping. Sigh.

Done what months ago?

I still co sleep with my 6yo at times...there's nothing wrong with it.

And I have 6mo baby as well...go and get him, he doesn't understand why you're leaving him. You'll feel better too.

That was intended kindly btw...sorry if I sounded high-horsey. I'm pretty rubbish at parenting in many ways but I really think sleeping near to a baby is the best thing for them. And it's less painful for us as grown ups, not having to go through all this.

I'd pick him up and cuddle him to sleep then keep putting him in. Then leave for a few mins, then cuddle again. That's how I did it with ds who didn't nap in his cot and with dd who I coslept with until 9/10 months. Didn't leave them to wail for ages though as it was counter productive.

He's gone to sleep. I cheated and decided to give him some calpol a few minutes after I posted as I do think he may be teething. I then kneeled by his cot holding his hand and he drifted off.

Until tongith I've just given in after 10 mintues or so and brought him down to the sofa.

You didn't sound high horsey at all Roony. I carried on co-sleeping with DD from time to time until she was at nearly 6

so you gave him some drugs to help him nod off? Great. Sorry this sort of post pisses me off. Please don't sit discussing your childs agony with a bunch of strangers, I feel sick when I read a mum asking for support while they ignore their baby cry, you'll get none from me. Instead follow your instincts and pick up your baby. If you like training things get a dog.

No Monkeynuts I gave him some drugs because I suspected he may be in pain. I couldn't give them to him earlier because I would have over dosed him as he'd already had some and the time had not elapsed until he could have his next dose. After posting I realised he could have some more. Yes I feel like I cheated but no I did not give him drugs just to send him to sleep.

So you decided to do this the night he was in pain and you knew he was in pain? The mind boggles.

...and you sat on here asking for YOUR hand to be held.

OP are you under pressure to get him into his own space? If so that's horrid and I sympathise but you've every right not to do this.

If not then, just don't do it...especially not while he is in pain he doesn't understand, and needs to be near you.

OP you are entirely within your rights to do sleep training if you want to, or not if you don't. That is your choice as a parent. But you should only do it if you are confident that there are no other issues. So he is clean, warm, fed and definitely not teething or in pain. This is the wrong time. Good luck.

Thank you Wellie and Rooney. He woke again at 9.45 and didnt go to sleep again until 1am despite me holdig him and breastfeeding him the whole time. Then he woke from 3-6 and I held him again then got up with DD. Now I'm breastfeeding him.

There never seems to be a right time. I intended to start 6 weeks ago. First he and I had thrush (him in mouth me in breast), then I had a dreadful bout of mastitis, then he had chicken pox. Then the teething started up again. I've got to go back to work in a couple of weeks and I am desperate to get some semblence of sleep before that.

We've co-slept for almost his whole life though he normally starts sleeping in the cot and moves into our bed after a bit. My relationship with dp is suffering as he keeps sleeping in spare room though he works away 3-4 nights a week anyway. My relationship with my 7 year old is suffering because my temper is so short as I'm not sleeping properly. Sometimes I am crying just because I've been up nearly all nihgt and I still need to get up and take her to school.

I know I'm a rubbish mum. I know I shouldn't have done it but quite honestly I'd reached desperation stage. I want to be an alpha mum like Monkeynut who clearly finds parenting easy. She'll probably attack me again and that's her perogative she's right I'm a shit cruel mother.

I'm dreading going back to work. I can barely function as it is.

Oh my good lord, you're anything but. It is often when children need us the most, and are at their most demanding, that we find ourselves the least able to cope and the most desperate. This is TOTALLY normal and you are from the sound of it a really excellent parent.

If you didn't care you wouldn't even be on here.

I do understand, and also I do think it'll get easier for you. Fwiw I'm on my third baby and I'm single and often, it is shit - I am barely able to function a lot of days. But being single, I don't have to go back to work at the moment which is a fucking lifesaver tbh.

I'm often useless with my older children, this is babies for you - they aren't more important than the others, but they are more urgent which means, that yes everyone else has to come second for a short time while they're little - and that is OK. Honestly it is. You have done the intensive stuff with dd already . That is how come she can survive being slightly less catered for right now, iyswim...she has the tools to cope with that and the baby still doesn't, so, your needing to put him first is absolutely right.

DP can totally wait, too...you can recover from something if it is only a few months, and neither of you has been horrid to the other, or done anything hurtful. This is a baby, it is normal.

Much love to you. You sound fantastic and your children and your DP are lucky to have you xxxxxx

Do you sleep better when he is in your bed? I always find I do - getting UP and out of bed to attend to a baby in a cot, I find knackers me to a new level of unfunctioning stupor.

Rolling over in bed to attend to one is still awful night after night but it is infinitely more doable - something to do with your brain having to respond to being upright, I think - and having to wake a little more, to stand up.

OTOH if you want to do a system of sleep training eg controlled crying etc, then probably it needs a bit of strategic planning, not being done in a panic as that won't work and will leave you all in a state.

I'd probably suggest bed sharing for the foreseeable and talking to DP so he understands it's temporary and you'll let him back in eventually and then you'll feel like it's all above board and agreed, no resentment etc.

You are absolutely not a shit cruel mother. You have a lot going on and it sounds like you could use some support. How did you settle him up until now? Can DH help?

Thank you again both of you. Rooney how you do it by yourself with 3 I do not know I take my hat off to you (goes to buy a hat so she can do just that)

Right now he's asleep on sofa next to me looking so peaceful.

Mainly I've been settling him by feeding him and putting him in cot asleep though there have been some nights he's been tired and simply settled in cot after a few minutes. Nearly always though he wakes up after an hour or so and wails as he is upset to find himself in cot.

DH can't really help much as he's away Monday - Thursday. He's quite helpful when he's home though.

I really hate co-sleeping with him because I sometimes have fits in my sleep and I'm terrified of hurting him so when he is in with me I can never do more than doze off and keep jerking myself awake, then I drift off then wake up feeling worried. I keep trying to put him back in cot as soon as he's in a deep enough sleep then the whole cycle starts again but sometimes I'm so exhausted I just fall to sleep then wake up terrified I've had a fit and hurt him even though I never have

Oh god now I sound like I'm making excuses.

All I want is a whole nights sleep. He's worth every second of sleep depravation and so is DD but I dream of sleep (or I would if I slept long enough to dream)

I think DS is dreaming something nice, he's licking his lips and making little squeaky noises in his sleep :)

Oh sweet I Love it when they do things like that.

I'm glad he has drifted off.

I didn't realise you had fits, I'm really sorry about my inappropriate advice earlier.

Hmm...there are some good value co sleeping cots around. I'm not sure but I think they were on ebay. How would that work? I mean having him in a little three sided cot by the bed?

and btw - hat off right back at you!

Roony we had the 3 sided cot until about 3 months ago when he got too big for it and we've not been able to find another to fit him (he's a very long baby) You didnt give bad advice it was perfectly appropriate given what you knew.

I just woke him up laughing at the veet review on this thread. Poor little boy looked rather concerned at me tears of laughter

LOL that is superb. Thanks for the link.

Hmm if you take the side off a proper big cot, you won't be able to get out of bed anyway

I'm not sure what to suggest!

Oh my goodness, you really are up against it you poor thing. How did last night go? Maybe you need to move gently from feeding to sleep, to feeding to drowsy and then try rocking/patting/stroking/sssshhhh to get him to drift off. Gentler than leaving him but helps you to move towards him settling in the cot? No idea what to suggest, just want you to know people are thinking of you.