Lazy 18yr old daughter

[jessad]

Hi, at my wits end need advice. My Dd is just 18 has now left college only works weekends. Her boyfriend is round all the time and we feed him at least 4 times per week. DH and I both work I leave 7.20 and get home 6.20' he leaves 8.00 and finishes between 4 and 6. He always cooks she never starts anything. If she does cook anything she never cleans up, the dishwasher gets begrudgingly filled badly so nothing washes despite being asked numerous times to rinse plates and stack effectively. Her room is full of dirty plates cups bowls empty pizza boxes and empty bottles of coke and wine. We are at our wits end and have talked to her about it so much but to no avail. She has no drive or ambition and seems content to just do nothing. She turned 18 a month ago and has not even been out to a pub or a club. They just sit in her pigsty of a room watching Tv. Help really needed. Husband has defiantly had enough and I am not looking forward to the next onfrontation.

Is she shy?
I'm shy and would need to be pushed to socialise outside my comfort zones.
Can't help with the laziness, my oldest is only eight yrs old.

How is she getting the money to go out? Maybe have a think about how you facilitate the behaviour? E.g stop assuming you need to cook for her, keep the fridge less well stocked and if you are supporting her financially only do so in return for chores??

I guess the next steps would be to get her paying nominal rent??

If you want the boyf around less I guess you need to say...

Well if she has no money she can't really go out but she may be getting JSA? She has to have some small amount of money so wherever she is getting it from, you need to lay claim to a bit of it. You cannot continue to feed, clothe and house another adult who is making no effort to contribute.

For starters I would tell her that you are only willing to feed her bf 2 evenings a week, give her a list of jobs which she needs to do every day (childish but if she doesn't listen to general talks the only way to do it) and if the jobs don't get done, take the tv from her room.

Thank you for your comments. I will try lists and if she finds nothing to do come sept, I will be charging rent.