Why can I never, ever relax whhen dd is awake?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My dd is 5 tomorrow and I love her to bits. I can't say I love all of motherhood though. I am single and her dad is nowhere on the scene. I get stressed with the mess and all the constant demands. I always get shouty demands when I am in the middle of fulfilling a previous demand. Like when I am making her dinner she will ask me to take her upstairs to the loo etc.
I was making her birthday cake earlier and she kept going in the fridge and picking at ham then trying to touch the sponge with horrid, meaty, sticky fingers. i shouted at her then felt soooo guilty. The cake is all lopsided as I couldn't do it properly with her milling around. I do think it is charming though in a dilapidated way!
I am always telling her not to do x, y and z. All my dreams of being a perfect, calm, radiant, patient mum are replaced by me being a shouty, impatient wreck. My copy of "How to talk so that kids will listen" lies half read on my dressing room tabel. This ia partly because I have no time to finish it and partly because I know the theory but can't put it into practice.
It has got to the stage where I am looking foward to my appointment with the local psychiatric team in July so that they can give me something to calm me down and hopefully zombify me!

I am similar to you in nature so it sounds. I have a 1 year old and a DH who suffers chronic back pain so can't do much to help. I find myself getting really highly strung with DS and hate all the mess but in retrospect I realise alot of the time I set my standards too high and try to achieve too much. Is it really so important to have everything neat and tidy 100% of the time or could it be so 50% of the time and spend the time you would have spent tidying with your daughter playing, reading or baking together? I find it easier when I can get DS outside to play as it's less mess to clear up afterwards. I also try and get out most days then it's not so difficult to occupy him when we get home. I try and do alot of meal prep and housework when he is asleep too.
Try and look at things from a fun perspective. It's great you made her cake but maybe it would have been less stressful if she had helped decorate it and then wouldn't have gotten in the way? Maybe you could do homemade pizza for dinner and she could help?