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Original poster

Did I over react - 6 year old rude at dinner time

27 replies

Dorange · 21/06/2013 23:13

So it is Friday

DD spent the whole week going school, doing her extra curricular classes (drama, gymnastics and swimming), playing with her bike, her friends, etc...I work full time and study part time.

She knew we were having macaroni cheese for dinner today because her dad made it yesterday. When was time to eat she had a major strop and almost threw a tantrum because she didn't want it, whit out even trying or sitting at the table. I managed to get her to sit and try the food by threatening with 'no DVD' (she usually watches one every Friday)...she did try and kept complaining and being rude all the time while i was eating and I gave few warnings she would be sent to her bedroom and stay there until tomorrow morning.

I finished my dinner and she was still complaining, I gave her 5 minutes to shut up and start eating, she kept complaining, so I directed her to her bedroom and told her t stay there and not talk to me until tomorrow.

She went to the sitting room and start to read books and I sent her back to bedroom and went to my own bedroom to finish my assignment.
She came with a drawing for me and I sent her back and said I wasn't interested.
She fell asleep.

I feel bad, maybe I over reacted, she isn't a fussy eater, but for me to be so rude, having a plate of good food in front of you whilst some people are starving just makes me lose it. She is sometimes so ungrateful, she has a perfect good life, but 6 is too young to appreciate it, isn't it?

If she had spoken to me properly I would probably be nicer but you know it is Friday, I have a course tomorrow, I just couldn't take it anymore.
But she is only 6...

Am I a monster?

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Mabelface · 21/06/2013 23:19

sounds like she was knackered. I think you may have been a little harsh with her. tomorrow's another day, so start again in the morning

Original poster

Dorange · 21/06/2013 23:39

How to deal with rudeness at meal times and general ungratefulness?

OP posts:

stowsettler · 22/06/2013 07:22

You warned her, and you carried out your threat. I'd have done the same.

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LeoTheLateBloomer · 22/06/2013 07:26

I agree that when you've warned them you need to follow it through, but I think telling her to stay in her room until the morning and ignoring her peace offering was harsh.

NeverBeenToMe · 22/06/2013 07:51

I think 'a few warnings' isn't the way to go ..... If she was rude again after the first warning, that was the time to carry out the consequence.

exoticfruits · 22/06/2013 07:56

I think I would have just said 'fair enough- don't eat it but there is nothing else' and refused further discussion. As it was you carried through what you said- sounds reasonable to me.

overmydeadbody · 22/06/2013 08:00

No that is not an over reaction.

dozily · 22/06/2013 08:03

I've got a Dd of.a.similar age and she had a pretty busy week too. To be honest she was worse behaved and had a complete tantrum at bedtime last night!

I don't think you were wrong to carry through a threat once you'd made it but I think you could have been a bit more understanding at the end of a long week. (Easier said than done though.) At that age I think some of it is beyond their control.

Branleuse · 22/06/2013 08:04

i dont see a problem.

You have to be harsh at times.

Avondale · 22/06/2013 08:06

She sat down and she tried it. This is minimum I require. If they don't eat it, there is nothing else. I understand the complaining is VERY annoying. I think I would have sent her to her room for 10 minutes or so. I don't like going to bed on an argument. But as someone else said, today is another day. Put it behind you, you were both probably tired so relax any enjoy weekend together.

Roshbegosh · 22/06/2013 08:07

Does she generally hate macaroni cheese?
I don't blame you as we all do things we wish we hadn't but I do feel a bit sorry for her. She did try to make it up and I say fuck the assignment.

TheSecondComing · 22/06/2013 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 22/06/2013 08:17

Does seem a bit harsh, she was probably as knackered as you - you admitted that it was a Friday and you couldn't take it any more, perhaps that was where she was coming from too?

Fwiw, I don't think you always have to stand by a threat if you make it in the heat of the moment and regret it. It sometimes doesn't hurt to have a cuddle and say "I'm sorry, I didn't handle that well. How could we both have avoided that argument?". If you knock back peace offerings now they won't always be forthcoming....

But today is another day. Have a lovely one reconnecting with her.

zippey · 22/06/2013 08:36

I don't think you are a monster but maybe you were a little harsh. As adults there are some foods we do not like or times when we are not hungry. I'm sure it's the same for children.

Also her peace offering of the drawing might have been a good opportunity to talk about her behaviour without any fireworks.

Roshbegosh · 22/06/2013 08:36

GlutenFree is right, peace offerings won't always be forthcoming.
Is your DD left feeling that mummy only loves me if I do exactly what she wants all the time, including eating a dinner I hate?

insanityscratching · 22/06/2013 08:44

I'd say you were a bit harsh. I'd have told her to leave the table if she didn't want to eat and warned her there would be nothing else but that would have been it but I like mealtimes to be relaxed and stress free so never battle over who has eaten or not eaten anyway.
Tomorrow's another day though so maybe you could ask her about her drawing and say sorry for last night as you were tired and you think she was too.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 22/06/2013 08:47

Not unreasonable not to put up with silliness at the table, but unreasonable to send her back to her room when she was quite obviously trying to make amends. That was harsh.

weeblueberry · 22/06/2013 10:45

Has she said before she doesn't like macaroni?

I think setting a punishment and carrying it out is all good and fair but honestly couldn't have rejected my daughter coming into the room with a gift for me as a peace offering. I'd have accepted the apology and altered the punishment slightly if she genuinely felt sorry.

Startail · 22/06/2013 11:05

Far too long!
I don't know how long tea until bed time is in your house, but it can be two-three hourse here.

No way is three hourse, get yourself to bed and no bedtime kiss and a cuddle an appropriate punishment for a six year-old.

30 minutes max.

At that age DD2 was told to "Go to your room until you want to be nice"

Sometimes she reappeared in 10 minutes, when older DD1 and I realised we had forgotten about her for two hours . (She was playing on her lap top and quite happy).

That's the point, the 'punishment' is being made to leave the room. That like making a younger child sit on the stairs or giving a quick smack (if you do such things) indicates the child has gone too far.

Drawing the punishment out is pointless. DD wouldn't remember why she was in trouble (I'm tired, I don't feel like, eating this, I don't feel like sitting at the table, is hardly going to register as a huge crime with a child too young to cook or understand the cost of food.)

All it does is make her hate mummy and mummy sending heraway again when she had drawn a picture (6y for sorry) really will make her hste mummy.

Children shouldn't be rude, but after a long week of not being rude to teachers, Brown Owls and Swimming teachers, something has to give and parents, however tired we are, have to act proportionately.

Original poster

Dorange · 22/06/2013 12:23

This happened at 7ish, her bed time is usually 8 or 8:30 on Fridays so wasn't a long time to be in the bedroom. I agree I was harsh about not accepting the drawing and making peace, will try and make up for it but unfortunetely can't change the past and I just need to move on and hold myself up next time. She likes macaroni cheese, we discuss the menu very often, I hate wasting food but I wouldn't even mind giving her beans on toast if she really didn't want the macaroni, however couldn't stand the rudness. She has being spiteful for a long time (since toddlerhood), sometimes more sometimes less and I'm not sure if this is part of her personality, or something we are doing wrong and how to improve things.

OP posts:

Ogg · 22/06/2013 12:33

She has been spiteful for a long time (since toddlerhood) ?????? Bloody hell you need to look at how you parent and the words you use very carefully - even if you do not say that out loud if they are the words you use to describe toddler and small child behaviour in your head.

Ogg · 22/06/2013 12:36

I think your punishment was harsh and unreasonable and to say you got mad because there are people starving is ridiculous. I don't want to comment anymore.

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 22/06/2013 12:54

A spiteful toddler? Really? Your poor dd....

fanoftheinvisibleman · 22/06/2013 13:01

You thinks kids moaning about food is a spiteful personality??

Good job your have never met my 'spiteful' brat then. I shall remind him how lucky he is that he has the worlds easiest going mother with regards to food. I suspect you would need to lock him up!

Hulababy · 22/06/2013 13:12

I am not sure what you mean by her being spiteful. What do you mean? What is spiteful behaviour?

I think you were right to warn her and then remove her. But I agree with others, it was too harsh. The ignoring of her peace offering, and then no kiss and cuddle to make up before sleep is too harsh imo. I would always make up before bedtime with ANYONE wherever possible, let alone a little girl.

As you say it is now done. You need to maybe say sorry and ask to see her picture.

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