I feel like a horrible shouty mum who buys my child things to make up for the fact that I am horrible and shouty!

[superstarheartbreaker]

I am a single mum to a lovely but spirited 5 year old and I work 25 hours in s Secondary School. I have rocky mental health but am coping ok. Just very up and down since I split with my ex.
I have not much patience and shout at my dd, especially in the mornings. I love dd so much but find being a mum hard.
So as the title suggests I buy my dd stuff as I feel guilty ALL THE TIME instead of spending quality time with her (another thing to feel guilty about.)
The thing is, If I am out for the day or with other parents I'm generally ok but if it's just dd and I I hate it and get cabin fever. . The one time when I really enjoyed spending time with dd was last summer when I took her on holiday abroad. It was magic and we were both so relaxed but started fighting again on the way back! but on a day to day basis I shout at her too much and occasionally smack..I am just sooo stressed and it's getting us down. I just find small children incredibly frustrating, although adorable.

CALM DOWN SHOUTY MUM!!! you are under alot of pressure stop beating yourself up, no one said being a parent was easily do you have afirend you could meet up with on a one to one for a chat away from kids? try to slot in atime with your dd each day even if it sharing a book or playing a game together, if you have time to facebook, check emails etc then you can find the time. are you getting mental health support, i went through hell until i was diagnosed with bi polar six years ago but with meds and on going support my life has turned around for the better, please get help, you say you are coping ok with rocky mental health but are you? you sound depressed and anxious. hope you will both be ok soon.

I have a mental health review in july. can't wait to get sorted tbh.Poor dd deserves a nice, patient mum...which i'm not!

easier said than done i know but you need to look after you first of all and then think about other things that matter to you, please don,t 'lose touch' with your dd, undereath this brittle exterior is a lovely mum fighting to get out, perhaps you could push for your review to be brought forward alittle. am thinking of you and your dd, please try to be strong and hang in there, i'm here to listen if you'd like to chat more or just let off steam, take care.

Gosh. Poor you. I really hope yo have some RL support.
If this sort of thing helps, perhaps have a look at Playful Parenting. My natural style is 'shouty mum' (I grew up in that sort of house too). This has really helped me. Usually by making a prat of myself in front of my kids but it has helped me diffuse situations.
I so hope that things get easier for you.

The problem with me savoirfaire is that I am so inconsistent. I dolots of playful things to diffuse situations eg; blowing rasberries, making silly faces, tickles etc but it depends entirely on my mood. Today dd had a friend over for tea and the first thing the friend did was tread in dog poo. That put me in the foul mood for the rest of the play date. aggggrrr!