Abusive ex, should I have an abortion?

[anonymous180613]

I don't even know if this is the right place to post this but I just don't know what to do. I'm a single mum with school age kids trying to get back into work and determined to work, after taking time out to raise my kids. I recently got involved with a man who started out all hearts and flowers but turned out to have a nasty streak and was very pushy and emotionally abusive. He pressured me into having sex without a condom. I took the morning after pill the next day and broke up with him soon after. Despite taking the morning after pill I have found out I am pregnant. My first instinct was a termination as this is the last thing I want in my life right now, I don't want another baby at my age (mid 40s now), I want to go back to work, I'm a single parent with no family around to support me, and I in no way want this man involved in my life at all, I have since reported him to the police and social services as I had a suspicion he was a pedophile as he preys on single mums and has an unhealthy obsession (in my opinion) with children. Don't know what to do and have never been in this situation before, I was married for a long time. I desperately don't want another child but equally don't want to do anything I will regret and I dare not even think about the child itself. Please help...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm afraid I have no practical advice or experience but I didn't want to read and run.

All I can say is this: you must do what's right for you and your children. Don't let anyone else pressure you into a decision that you may later regret.

How far along are you?

I would. It's up to you of course, but you have listed lots of reasons in favour of a termination, very good reasons.

Its very early days, I'm only one week late.

And the other question is, despite the kind of person he is, do I owe it to him to tell him? I still have his contact details.

No way. The bastard pressured you into having unprotected sex, he deserves nothing but contempt.

In lots of different situations I would say it's only fair for the father to know, but having read your op I would agree with IWipeArses . You owe him nothing.

You've got time to think this one through, get over the initial shock and make absolutely sure you're happy with your decision.

Good luck

I'm so sorry, OP. Marie Stopes and BPAS provide a wonderful service, and will be able to help with impartial counselling to help you make the right decision. You may need a referral from your GP to see them (depends on local NHS contract), but why not call one of them and see if they can give you some help in making your mind up?

You don't owe him anything right now. You owe it to yourself to do whatever is best for you and your family - either way, with no pressure at all. If you decide to continue with a pregnancy, I reckon he probably owes you something, not the other way around. Also, considering your suspicions about him, presumably you wouldn't want him anywhere near you again?

Thanks for that, I look into that. And thanks for your kind replies. I was so worried I would be judged on here for even considering a termination.

No, I would not want him anywhere near me again. He told me (afterwards) he wanted to get me pregnant as he wanted a baby girl :(

I would, just imagine if you kept it and he found out.

He sounds revolting. I wouldn't let him know anything. I really don't think you need him in your life no matter what your decision.

You have very good practical reasons for not continuing with this pregnancy, I agree that if you are struggling with the decision for whatever reason, you would benefit from the specialist counseling that is available.

What you describe of this man gives me the shudders.

Oh anonymous that's shocking

Definitely go for counselling. It sounds like there's been lots going on in your head.

Oh and by the way, I've stayed impartial up until now but I would never judge you for chosing a termination. If I were in your shoes I expect I would do the same.

I can't tell you what to do all I can say is look how you want your life in a years time, do you want to of moved on and made life better or do you want to be stuck at home with a baby and him around. It doesn't go away whatever you do.

I had a late abortion due to not wanting ties to an abusive man, it always stays with you but I don't regret it.

Don't tell him.

In your situation, with the feelings you have, I would absolutely have a termination.

You have time to think some more if you need to but please know that terminating needn't be the traumatic event that is often portrayed, there may be the odd 'what if?' But I think that is the case for every major decision in life - it's normal. Lots of women terminate and it brings only relief.

Good luck x

Hi op. To be perfectly honest I would abort. In fact, when I was 17, and in the same situation, I did.

It was hard and obviously, you have many other factors ti consider than I did, it was the best choice for me at the time.

I spoke to Marie stopes and they were amazing, I cant fault them and I had a termination at 10th weeks. I was and still am 100% that it was the best thing for me to do.

I never told the father and l stopped contact 3 days after I found I was pregnant.

I really hope you have someone in rl to help you

Good luck op

The guy is an arse and contacting him could be dangerous for you if he is abusive. Definitely use the contacts advised to talk to a professional about your options, if you are only a week late then you have time on your side before a decision needs to made.

Good luck xx