I dont have the much publicised motherly feelings...is something wrong with me?!?

[AlCookie]

You know those flowery motherly words written n said by almost all mums - 'being a mum is the best thing thats happened to me'....well i might sound crazy but i just dont feel like that at all!

I m a first time mum of a 15 month old toddler who is a good boy but has all the usual issues - aggressiveness on some days, picky eating on some days, not wanting to sleep on some days, very clingy on some days .....n bla bla bla

I get so frustrated at times...so pushed to the edge ....so willing to bang my head against the wall --- that i m ashamed to say being a mum is the most frustrating experience of my life!!!

I sincerely apologise to anyone who might feel offended by my expression above. But honestly...i dont know whats wrong. I m 29 yrs old, my baby was planned...everything is just as expected. And my son is also just as expected - a typical 15 month old. Of course i love him n i spend every hour of my day looking after him, feeding him, playing with him (i m on extended leave for now...so no job)

I dont understand whats wrong with me. Sometimes i feel i need to get away n have some time for myself- not as a once in a while getaway but as a routine. Maybe i miss working...i was never the homemaker kinds n i still detest the kitchen chores. But with a baby around home food is the best option n i cant get away without doing the kitchen.

I just feel i m not living the life i like...the life i wanted to live...the life i used to like n live!! I always knew parenthood will change everything n saying that i was not ready plain stupid. I have always been the mature n reasonable being but with motherhood ...i seem to be losing it all!!!!!!

Just looking for some words to feel better....

It's rewarding and i love my son BUT it's can be hard, monotonous, frustrating, sleepless and upsetting at times. The baby years don't suit me it seems, as now he's a proper little boy i absolutey love it like i never thought I would in the early days.

If you think you'd be happier working then why not look into that? There's no shame in it.

*it

Nothing wrong with you. Completely normal ime

I agree with SPB.

Actually would go as far as to say that your feelings are more normal than people would admit. IMHO and E.

My feelings are changing as my dc's get older. My youngest is just 2. I am better at being a preschooler mummy than I am at being a baby mummy. I certainly enjoy it more.

Yes, I agree 'normal' too!

I agree it's normal, but... It doesn't have to be as bad as that. I think you should look into some coping strategies.

You want time to yourself- well now that your DS is 15 months, that should be achievable. Is there a local gym that has a creche? Any friends/family that could do a few hours once a week? Or is your partner at home in the evenings- make one evening your night to go out with friends/see a film/do an exercise class etc.

You're getting annoyed with constant housework/cooking etc- could you afford a cleaner once a week? Make one day a week a ready meal day so no cooking/clearing up, or batch cook and freeze portions. Make sure your partner cooks at least once a week as well.

It sounds like at the moment you're quite overwhelmed by all the demands on you, and can't see a way out. I've been there, and it's horrible, but it is possible to make changes to keep your sanity.

Also, if you feel too fed up with it all, don't be afraid to see your GP. I had and, and I really didn't realise how bad it was until afterwards. I assumed it was just normal, but once I got treatment the cloud just lifted.

Good luck!

Oh thank goodness!! I knew its normal but i dont see people admitting that.

I have recently moved out of UK for my husband's work (hoping to get back soon) and its a problem to get daycares for kids below 2 yrs here. Have no family around to get continuous support either. So i m continuing on leave for this year....

Just today morning, right now...my son woke up 2 hours earlier than usual. Was all fresh n happy squealing with joy at 5 am....n also made a big poop!!!! I got so irritated because i slept so late n just didnt want to get up. I know he is just a baby....but i feel so tired all day then...this early waking is a common happening these days since the time he has his molars coming in

*I had pnd, not and!

Sympathies... I HATE that thing where your DC is in the best mood ever, full of joy, and you are in a foul temper through lack of sleep. It's really hard to feel much love for them at that point.

Repeat the MN mantra, 'This, too, shall pass.'

Completely understand. I found going back to work part time after 12 months a big help - will that be an option when you're back in the UK?

It does get better in some ways once they start talking, as they are better company so you don't feel lonely!

Thanks Pozzled...i think u r right. I should try to build in time off for myself. I dont want to feel angry n frustrated at my son...it feels so bad :-(

I did think about going for professional advice for the excessive anger n frustration (n not to mention weepiness too) but people are so quick at brushing aside everything as normal, that i come across as paranoid. Whenever i bring it up its like 'you are not the only mum around...u r not the first one doing something different...its all normal' - it may all b normal but i might b a failure at coping with all the things going on. I might b weaker than others.....n i might need help. But in our asian culture...asking for help regarding emotional issues is a huge problem n pretty much looked down upon

Thank guys....i spent my whole day sitting on the couch doing nothing except feeding my son. I didnt bother cleaning the house or the dishes. And fortunately we had leftovers from the weekend so i got away without cooking.

Well....honestly nothing can change in a day but still...i feel i can try changing somethings to make myself feel better. I will start with reducing/rescheduling the kitchen chores because i really hate that part (though i love eating )

You are totally normal, and here is how I know.....
I could have written this post myself when my DS was a year old. I enjoy my work and found the monotony and day in day out work involved in looking after him too much. It took me until then to acknowledge properly that I wasn't really enjoying it but couldn't admit it to anyone (not even my husband or mom who I have good relationships with) as I felt like I should love being a mom 24/7 and thought everyone else around me did. I finally decided to go to the drs, who referred me to a councillor. I saw her within a few weeks and was SO glad that I made that step!!
I explained to her that I resented being the main carer for him and never had any time for myself, how I loved him but just didn't always enjoy being with him. I was in tears as I felt such a bad mom compared to all my friends who seemed to think it was the best thing ever. You know what she said?.....,you are normal!! It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders instantly when she said that lots of people probably felt this but couldn't admit it. She made suggestions just like the other posts above about scheduling in some relaxation and me time into every day. I found that when I started doing it, just half and hour on my own doing something not child related really helped me appreciate him more.
Take the advice of other posters and I am sure you will start to feel a bit happier, but a visit to your gp may also be good, simply to talk to someone independent who doesn't really know you. Just a thought :) xxx