Squabbling sublings help/advice needed DESPERATE

[directoroflegacy]

And they are not even toddlers
Ds is just turned 15
dd is 7

I thought it would get better as they got older but it's not.
I've tried everything?-
Getting involved
Not getting involved
Bribery
Reasoning

It's got to the point that grandparents won't look after the 2 of them at the same time anymore - I have finally decided to ask for advice here as soon they will be going to grandparents for a weekend together(before we've coincided going away when one of them has a scout camp etc) I'M dreading it.

I'm beginning to think it's just bad behaviour? and my fault as not nipping it in the bud earlier.

Now I can't remember a time when they didn't fight- it's not physical but the constant arguing, squabbling, back answering eachother, insulting eachother is so draining.

I don't expect then to be best of friends just civil to eachother!
ANY advice much appreciated - however harsh!

Siblings not sublings!!

This sounds like sibling rivalry that has never been sorted.

Sit down with each child individually and talk to them, ask the eldest in particular how long he has felt so negatively about his sister...don't be surprised to hear something along the lines of 'always'. He may perceive that she is your favourite or that he's always been the one made to compromise (unwillingly), if there is resentment and it is deep seated then you have a serious problem - don't criticise negative feelings, talk to him about solutions.

The younger one may be trying to get the attention of the older one, or may have come to believe that she can get away with worse behaviour because she's younger - especially if she's heard the emphasis of careful/gentle/responsible behaviour being placed on him.

Should all else fail; make sure they both know that if they can't say anything polite to each other, they are expected to say nothing at all - this can lead to an even worse atmosphere though (ice cold hostility can be the result).

Some great advice here- at the mo they are playing happily WITH EACHOTHER in the garden, but I know it's only a matter of time!

Yes, I agree that I need to look at my own behaviour first- I know that I am far more affectionate with dd, her 'cute' toddler phase coincided with as starting to be a stroppy teen.

I will check out that eBook!

They are both vvv competitive - they didn't get this from me or dh ! So any game / activity is bound to end in an argument / storming off!