Going away and leaving children with friends

[malak123fm]

Divorced, my two children 8 years and six and half years old live with me. Got residence order, and dad got weekly overnight contact. Will be going away for two weeks during school time who need to attend school. I consider leaving kids with close friends, but concerned if dad will cause me problems (though he will not commit to keeping kids with him when I will be away).

Will I be liable legally if I leave kids with friends? (by the way no family members in UK). Also considered writing letter to dad offering him to look after kids when I am away. That way I would have given him chance to have them in order not blame me when I have to leave them with friends.
Please advise
Thanks

I would discuss it with the Dad first- explain it is for work and that you have to have a water tight arrangement- whatever is decided on has to be kept to- if he leaves it to friends then make sure he understands they can't be messed about.

Dear exoticfruits
Thanks for your reply which is a sensible option, but there is no verbal communication between us because he would shout, interrupt and jump to conclusions. For a while we've been keeping communication to the odd text message. This is where I thought of sending it in writing, that way I will have a proof?
Regards

Hi
I only replied because I saw it last night and thought it a bit sad that you had no replies. Getting it in writing would be a good idea but it is no help if he decides to interfere with the friends once you are gone. Hopefully, now it is bumped up, someone will give some real help.

Thanks exoticfruits, this is the whole point why I started this thread is to get some much needed advice and help, especially when matter could have legal impact while dealing with an awkward individual. Yes you gathered it right that he could interfere with friends. He did it in the past (when friends were minding my kids even for a couple of hours, so he surely would do it when it would be for two weeks!!!)
It is very kind of you to come back to me.
Thanks again

I will bump it up once more- there must be someone who can help.............

Thank you dear exoticfruits, you are really kind and caring. Luckily I got plenty of time to investigate how best to handle this, as I got to go away in October 13. But I like to plan things in advance.
I posted same thread on lone parents and got a couple of suggestions: To talk to dad - which is impossible as verbal communication is a disaster between us.
other option to email him, but he is not computer literate.

I am left with option to write to him and send it recorded delivery with offer to have kids and if he refuses to give him address where to contact them.
Any more suggestions please???
Love x

If no one comes forward you could try Citizen's Advice Bureau.

I am thinking of Children's Helpline as an option, but considering parents' points of view is important, we could all think of different things!

Maybe you are just under the wrong topic- you might get a response under 'lone parents'.

How thoughtful of you dear exoticfruits, hope all is well with you and your loved ones. I know I will get sorted somehow, just this afternoon a friend of mine offered to come and stay with my children at home, rather than me leaving them somewhere else. This sounds like a better option so I am considering her offer. That way their father cannot complain as they are in their own home with a responsible adult, also he can pick them up for contact if he wishes to do so.
Good night x

Sounds a good option. Hope it works out. It just makes me a bit sad that you get a silly thread about children screeching in cafes with over 600 posts and you get someone who wants help with none!

I really appreciate your kind support.
Life is never simple or straight forward!
take care, I will keep you posted x

I don't see why there would be a problem if he's not willing. You're leaving them with responsible adults to care for, allowing access and not allowing them to miss school.
I'd check with citizens advice though just to make doubly sure, they can usually tell you or point you in the direction of someone that can x

Dear mrslb333
As you said I better double check with citizens advice.

Thanking you for your reply
Best x

OP, I have just seen this as I don't normally frequent this board. But, as has been said many times on the Relationships board, what arrangements a parent makes for childcare on their days is completely up to them, and not the other parent. (Ie, if your ex was to leave them with someone on his day, there isn't very much you could do about it).

The same applies to you - just as childminder, nanny arrangements or sleep overs are up to you, so is who you leave the children with if you go away.

If things had been more amicable and he more reasonable, it would be great if you could ask him to help. But they aren't and that is clearly his doing, so there is absolutely no reason why you should even let him know you are going away. If you let him know, he is likely to interfere and cause problems. Far better to protect yourself, your friend, and most importantly, your children by making arrangements which can be planned, and not interfered with.

Dear DIYapprentice, Thanks for this detailed explanation. BUT, as dad got contact arranged by court every week, if I go away without informing him, I could be breaking the court order. Besides he is the kind of problematic person that does his best to cause me trouble, for example first time ever in nearly three years, I was not at home to collect kids from him having arranged for a friend to take kids from him; he refused to give kids to her, kept kids with him and phoned police. When I went to pick kids up from him, police turned up at my door step saying that my ex contacted them. That is just one example.

It is alright for him to go away without informing us and he misses contact up to five weeks when he goes away.

I don't have a solicitor any more, but I got to know how best to arrange contact when I am away, so I will go to citizens advice and hope I will get any further.
Sorry for going on, but just to give you an idea of how difficult things are with him, which is why I am trying to get any relevant information and advice in advance.

Thanking you all for your time to read and respond.
Love xx