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Original poster

Very sad 10 yo daughter at school

10 replies

maman2012 · 14/06/2013 22:37

My daughter 10, went to bed very sad and as a mum, I share her sadness and now very worried about her.
She asked me what she never gets picked for anything at school, she said even in class, she puts her hand up and doesn't get to participate, if there is a play, she will get a small part ....
She already complained about this last year and the one before, and I have mentioned it to her teacher then, who obviously said that she gives every child the chance to take part in assemblies.
I am so worried and annoyed and feel for my daughter, I don't know what to do, I don't want her to loose any confidence in herself nor be affected by this for lifeHmmHmm

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mumtosp · 14/06/2013 23:10

Oh that sounds horrible Sad... My DS in only 8 months old so I have no experience in these matters... But I didn't want to just read and run. I'm sure someone will come along with some great advice... Till then here's an un-MN hug from me... :)

GingerJulep · 15/06/2013 01:37

Doesn't get picked by the teacher or other pupils?

When does she go to secondary school? Not long to go now?

If she will be where she is for a while def worth a quiet word with the teacher.

Midlifecrisisarefun · 15/06/2013 07:08

Does she do things out of school that you can build her confidence with? DS2 was rather like that at school, always overlooked...he sang in a choir and eventually the last of week of junior school, the children were allowed to perform their own songs of their own choosing, no being chosen, he and a boy who got chosen for everything sang together. He was far better a singer. The teacher came to me and said in front of DS ' has been hiding his light under a bushel hasn't he' He looked up and said 'no, you didn't WANT to know me or what I can do' The teachers face was a picture.

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Original poster
maman2012 · 15/06/2013 07:11

Thank you mumtops... She doesn't get picked by the teacher initially, I am thinking of talking to the teacher but I told her that if I do so, she needs to tell him what's going on herself as I want her to stand for herself and not count on me.

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nooka · 15/06/2013 07:19

Maman, do you think that your dd is not being picked, or is it more that she feels she is not being picked? I ask because my dd sometimes used to say this sort of thing when she was younger, and it wasn't always really the case (or at least no more than for anyone else). Alternately is she possibly not very confident in putting herself forward (by nature or because she has lost her confidence).

If it is a confidence issue I would be careful about forcing her to speak to her teacher, because she may find that very stressful, and need your support (I'd say to my dd when she was younger that I'd stand by her but she needed to talk too). Some people get confident by being pushed to take big steps and some really need to take lots of tiny ones.

Otherwise I agree with midlifecrisisarefun, see what outside of school activities might be available and suit your dd and hopefully in a different setting she will get more of a chance to shine.

Original poster
maman2012 · 15/06/2013 07:53

She does drama as an afternoon school club & Cubs every Thursday.

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monikar · 15/06/2013 09:21

maman Oh dear, it is horrible when these things happen at school. I agree, it might be worth having a word with the teacher.

Just a suggestion, if you are keen for your DD to raise it with the teacher first - could she say to him 'Mum was wondering if it would be possible to speak to you after school today please', to which he is likely to say 'what about?'. Then your DD could explain - with my DD at this age I would have briefed her in what to say.

My DD was shy at this age too, and would have even found this discussion too difficult to have, so I would have had to initiate the conversation with the teacher myself.

cory · 15/06/2013 16:54

I was wondering the same as nooka.

To my dd at this age, never being picked for anything important meant not getting to play the lead. I pointed out to her that with 60 children in her year and only two performances every year over a period of 3 years, the same would be true of most of her friends and there wouldn't even be room for all of them to get speaking parts. She hadn't thought of that: all she saw was A and B and C who had got to play the lead, not D, E, F and all the way down to Z who hadn't.

Again, if you put up your hand in class, you have a 1/30 chance of getting the question (assuming the teacher is savvy enough to also ask the lazy ones and the shy ones who are not putting their hand up).

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 15/06/2013 17:00

midlifecrisis I have just fallen in love with your son. What a brilliant kid. Shame you didn't catch a photo of her face!

Maman does she change schools in Sept?

Original poster
maman2012 · 16/06/2013 11:10

Hi, thank you for your messages.
I was planning to have a word with both her teacher in her presence and let her express herself. I noticed that there are certain teachers my daughter doesn't feel comfortable with, for instance, she was quite happy in year 1, 2 & 3 but had the sane issue with teacher in year 4 & now in year 5 !!
She will be changing school in sept 2014, hope she will get a teacher she feels comfy with.

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