Back to work blues

[newmum2Jack]

Hey, I have just started a new, quite demanding job and my ds is only 3.5 months. I feel a bit down and miss him so much, any advice or tips if this will get easier? My mum looks after him during the day, but still hard :(

Is it a job full time? If it is I would reconsider and look for part time and less demanding or if you can afford it, I would consider not working for a few years until your baby is of school age. I am sorry if this comes across as harsh but your baby needs you, it's mum, and you need this time to get to know your baby and build a strong connection. I talk from experience. Your child will only be a baby once so pls cherish it. In answer to your question, It eventually does get easier but you can lose the bond you had, miss out on all the special things your baby does for the first time. You feel guilty as well for not being there as they grow up.

Unfortunately I am not in a financial position to not work, yeah it's a full time post.

I'm back at work next week, DS2 will be 9 months but I'm still struggling with the idea. He just seems too much of a baby to go to nursery. With DS1 I didn't go back until he was 13 months & felt I was off too long, had anticipated 9 months being about right but it's not. I know he'll be well looked after but it's hard isn't it?

No you won't lose your bond! I think stronger's post is rather unforgiving. My mum had to work 10-12 hour days running her business as my so called father abandoned her. We have always been very close and had a great bond. Couple of things - at least for the first few weeks, can your mum bring dc to office for lunchtime & you feed him in the car? Or you go home in lunch hour? I was brought in to my mum every lunchtime! Also, read a story and snuggle up every night to make special, calm time even when he is tiny. Not only does this accelerate reading ability, it creates a little oasis with dc where housework, dinner, bills etc don't exist.

What Ehhn said. To say you will lose your bond is utter rubbish. Ds has been ft at his cm since 9 months and our bond could not be stronger now at 2.6. You are providing an excellent female role model for your little boy, so please try to ignore comments that are likely to make you feel even worse. And besides, he is forming a very important bond with I imagine the most trusted and loved woman in your life!

Is your job the kind that has flexible working? Can you do compressed hours so you can have a long weekend or work some long days, some short days? Could you work from home for a day or two, so you're around more during the day? I began by working from home 2 days a week, but the pattern has changed several times depending on how I felt about work life balance. I now work from home one day, work some shorter days which gives me more quality time in the evenings, and some longer days. I have just reduced my hours very slightly too.

It does get easier, but you need to look at ways that allow you to spend more time around your ds because your baby needs you to be satisfied and happy.

Good luck and if this isn't possible, how about meeting your mum and ds for some lunch breaks?

Hi, I know this is very hard. Please do not worry about your bond! If you have to work, then you've just got to get on with it. It's good that your baby is with your mum. They will develop a very special and close relationship. My dd1 has a very special closeness with her grandad because of this, which my subsequent children don't have as much. She's learnt a lot from him. You're very lucky in that way.

Enjoy every second that you're not at work and make weekends special. You are working to provide for your baby now and in the future. When they are older they will appreciate this. It will all be fine, hard work, but fine. Good luck.

What a horrible post from Stronger. Unfortunately as a fulltime working mum you will often have to put up with such unhelpful and judgemental comments which just make you feel even more guilty. Take no notice.

I'm a fulltime working mum and it is bloody hard work but at least your DS is with your mum and they will develop a lovely relationship, far better tthan our situation of having fulltime childcare. It is really really tough going back to work whatever the age and the guilt doesn't get any easier but unfortunately it what we have to do to pay the bills. Just make sure that when your not in work you get to spend as much time with him as possible.

You are being a brilliant mum by providing for your family, ignore Strongers post but develop a thick skin there are lots of people like that who love to pass judgement on our situation.

i have just gone back to work ft my baby is 7 months and I am finding it hard too. luckily I am a teacher so have 6 week holiday coming up and then managed to negotiate 4 days in September. It is hard being away from my dd and I really sympathise with you OP. i think stronger's post is awful, as if you are not finding it hard enough. Of course you wont lose your bond - my mum had to work ft from when I was 4 months and we still had a very strong bond 28 years later. the things I am finding helpful are making sure I have special time with her morning and evening, cherishing the weekends and reminding myself that I am working for a reason; to provide everything I can so my daughter's needs are met and she can live happily and comfortably.

Just to put a couple of things straight from the other posters. I am not passing judgement at all. Like I said I am talking from experience as I went back to work full time to a demanding job with my first child but I regret it now. I have my second child now and work part time which is what I wished I had done in the first place. Just being straight with the op and not wrapping it up in Cotten wool like the rest of you are. At the end of the day OP only you know what is best.

Not wrapping it up in cotton wool stronger - note how many people have said "it's hard" but sharing positive experiences as the op hasn't got the luxury of choosing. Yes everyone would like to wave a magic wand and have a perfect life-work balance where you neither get frustrated as a sahm nor guilty from working but let's face it (apart from you with your 2nd dc) most don't have the circumstances to do so. So there is no point focusing on what someone may regret; focusing on the positives makes the tough stuff easier to bear. Seeing as the op is already struggling with some of the emotional issues she doesn't exactly need them reiterated. Plus she was asking for methods on how to cope, not opinions on the relative difficulty of it.
Op hope some of the suggestions have been helpful!

newmum2Jack I feel for you, I'm in the same position. DD is 15 weeks and I've been back at work since she was less than 8 weeks - albeit only 2 days a week at the moment. I go back full time in August to a new job. No option for me either, much as I'd love to stay at home with her as someone (not very) helpfully suggested.
I will miss her, but she's already in nursery one day a week and obviously loves it and it quite clearly stimulates and challenges her already. DP will be looking after her mostly and I hope to go part-time in my new job in due course - no guarantees though.