I've started this thread as I'm in a situation which seems rather unique and not quite sure how to deal with it. I appreciate that many ?mums? may relate to this situation but not sure if many ?dads? would? If you have been through it and found a solution I would be grateful to hear.
So I am the father of 2 lovely boys 3 & 5, I don?t think they are any more difficult than any other 2 boys of their age. They of course do not do what they are told without asking 10 times, have a tendency to fight over every little thing (which does drive me crazy), complain about their food - all the things which seems so normal :).
And looking from the outside in it would appear we have a great family life, I have a lovely kind wife I love very much and unlike many fathers I have been fortunate enough to be able to work at home. When our first son was born I was committed to being a really involved father and as I was at home (although working) - I could help give my wife some rest and look after our son - it was great to be so hands on. When our second son was born it sadly I had to work away more, my wife understandably struggled with looking after both of them (I have no doubt that being a full time parent is much harder than ?working? and any working parent who says otherwise in my opinion knows nothing). I eventually started to work at home more and more and my wife also started her own little business... and it was at this point things started to go a bit wrong.
It was almost like a switch had been flipped in her, the excitement of doing her own thing had overtaken the joy of being a mum (and in many ways I do not blame her, it had been a tough 3 years particularly the last). And over time I noticed she was taking less and less responsibility, where before we shared equally firstly it was simple things like just playing with them - she just always be in her computer and prefer to let the boys watch TV (I?m very anti-TV which caused some friction). Then things like bathing them, whenever bath time she would choose to do something else change the sheets etc when given the choice of her or I sitting with them. Reading with them before they went to bed became my full time job and I was putting them to bed myself most evenings (although she would never miss tucking them in). It was almost as if - if there was someone else to take over these things she would happily let them, not that should would not do it if asked but just if possible she would not - like she didn?t enjoy them anymore. When it first started to happen I spoke to her about it and she said she just needed some time not being in charge - so I tried to just take on what she prefered not to do.
Over time I have taken more and more responsibility where these days the majority of day to day stuff falls into my remit (I would be untrue if I said my wife was lazy, far from it she generally puts playing with the kids down the priority list). She simply doesn?t seem to want to play or read with them - if she does she loses interest really quickly. In some ways I feel I should be grateful I have the opportunity to be so involved, I take and drop my kids to school/nursery - work one day a week with my son in his class, help tutor him at home, play so much together and take them out on my own most weekends.
However sometimes I just want to have some time when I?m not in charge, not responsible and know they would be looked after as I would look after them. My wife has of course looked after them alone, but when I come back its appears its been a really difficult time and she is stressed and I feel guilty letting her do it on her own.
Not having this break just means I have become almost constantly stressed (I run my own business too) and also get snappy - which is not good for anyone. However I simply don?t know how to deal with it - I understand this is a common complaint of mums about dads, but this is quite a role reversal...
Anyway I guess I needed to just get it out there - if you have been in a similar situation and can relate then please do get in touch.