How many tantrums for your 2.5y-3y?

[badchat]

DD is nearly 3. She is a sweet and loveable little person, who can be very caring with people and her toys, and very enthusiastic and fun to be around, but at the moment she just seems to get FRUSTRATED with nearly everything, nearly all the time.

I KNOW this is par for the course with toddlers, but every now and then I wonder whether this level of frustration is normal. I would say we have a mini-tantrum (screaming/wailing/sometimes kicking etc. for a good few minutes) anywhere up to 30-40 times in a day - e.g. from when she woke up at 5.30am this morning to when we left the house at 8am we had screaming/shouting for the following:

• Want a story
• Want to get changed NOW
• Don't want nappy changed
• Want cereal NOW
• Don't want to wear jeans
• Don't want hair brushed
• DS (14mo) coming near 'her' toys
• Lego bricks being out rather than in the cupboard
• Not being able to put some lego bricks together
• Not being able to build a stacking cup tower in the order she wanted to
• Me saying thank you for the giraffe instead of thank you for the present, or not doing something else right in response to being handed a lego giraffe!
• DS knocking down her tower
• Not wanting to get in pushchair

I know these are all very normal things - I have read enough MN 'what's the best toddler tantrum' threads - but are most toddlers so relentless in their foot-stamping/wailing? And when will it stop?! I'm hoping someone will come along and say their 3yo was just like this, but now at 4yo they are a total angel!

Seriously, although I feel like sometimes I can deal with it quite calmly and consistently, the screaming drives me absolutely barmy some days; it is so shrieky and ear-piercing. Getting outside normally helps, and sometimes I can get somewhere with cuddles and/or a little humour/distraction, or just saying, "hey, you seem really upset about x, is that what's happening?" etc. but sometimes I just flip and turn into horrible shouty mum, which I hate.

So, does this just sound normal for a 3yo? And any other super tips for nipping tantrums in the bud/maintaining my cool when I am on the 20th screaming fit of the day?

She sounds tired TBH. My ds gets like this when he's been waking early due to the sun coming up and noisy birds plus not having a nap. So I've finally got decent blackout blinds and making sure he naps every other day which helps.

Sounds like a rough patch, which is normal. Dd is 3.4 and her tantrums have ebbed and flowed over the last year or so. Sometimes constant. Now some days we don't have any at all (!)

When she has had a very tantrummy episode like you describe, it has passed (but it the mean time it has driven me to tears and shouting!). Sometimes there has been a physical cause eg tiredness- she is an early bird too and has recently dropped her nap which made for some interesting afternoons! Her worst ever phase, which went on for weeks, was caused by threadworms.

Quiet time seems to help her- a big bottle of pva glue and a tub of googly eyes/sequins has been my saviour. Also seeing friends.

Good point Creature - I'd kind of considered that and dismissed it, as in, "oh she can't be tired when she's just got up", but she does wake up pretty early sometimes, and struggles to sleep - sometimes I hear her still singing away to herself 45mins after they've gone to bed.

I reinstated the chair into the bedroom so I can reach far enough up to press the blackout blind on properly (had been being lazy and leaving a little gap) and hey presto! she slept til 7am this morning and did seem not as grumpy! hooray! It's kind of the parenting equivalent of the old turning the computer off and on again IT helpline fix isn't it? Terribly obvious but osmetimes you need someone to point it out!

okthen I am SO cheered by you saying you have some tantrum-less days. That is the kind of thing I need to hear to give me some hope! I like the glue and sequins idea a lot. I've kind of written off craft-y stuff in the past as something DD's not into as she rarely spends more than 5mins sitting down with whatever paint/glue I get out, but when I think about it, she loves going to a painting cafe near us and sticking sequins and stamps and things on paper/cardboard shapes, and perhaps I just need to make the atmosphere a bit more conducive to quiet concentration and get some more fun stuff...

My dd is 2 and a half and has gone through a phase of getting up between 5 and 6 and then spent the day being grumpy and crying over the slightest thing. We have made the room as dark as possible, put her to bed a bit later and if she wakes up early leave her to nod off again for an hour. She is now getting up nearer 7 and is much happier. I have found she needs 12 hours at night.

Yes agree about the early mornings - DD is 3 and 2 months, and I get so frustrated when she's up at 6 because I know she won't nap (not for the last 6 months) and she will be tired and grumpy all day. Reading this thread I might put my black out blind back up if I can find it!!

As for the tantrums - we went through a terrible phase just before she turned 3, since then there has been an improvement but we've not managed a day without at least one. I hate shouting and losing my temper (have been knackered with new baby also) so I just pick her up and put her in her room. Surprisingly she does stay in there, and calms down much quicker than if I try and reason with her (time out works, who knew?? )