parenting

[hgomer]

I am way past the nappy stage with my kids but sometimes it doesnt feel like it. One of the big issues is accommodation.

My kids are mostly in their 20s and spend about half their income on accommo. They can save money by perching with us but then they want to be independent and not be a home lodger, having to be polite to the parents of an evening.

From my point of view I don't like an empty house and it is lovely to see them at the end of each day but I do feel they need to fly the nest, however ruinous financially.

Any thoughts?

I think if they live with you in their 20s, you and they should accept that they will need their own space and independence. I think it's really hard at that age, especially if they've been to university.

At the same time, they need to respect that it's your house and let you know if they'll be late home, for example ( but try to not ask what they are up to unless they volunteer the information). I would also make them pay minimum rent so they don't get too comfortable (and I mean like £200 a month or smth like that, depending on where you are of course).

I would also insist that if they are saving money by living with you, that money goes into a savings account for a deposit on a house rather than extra drinking money. They'll thank you in the end!

I feel quite strongly that in the current climate, it's stupid to spend money on rent if they can stay with parents and save for a deposit, but I know not everyone agrees.

I am very grateful to my parents for giving me that option and certainly plan on doing the same for my children (although got a long way to go before I have to face those dilemmas!)

Just to add, maybe to avoid feeling like you all have to sit around a dinner table and then watch poirot or something together, why not have 1 evening a week a family one, which can be set at the beginning of the week to avoid clashes and resentment and the rest you and children can do what they want (eat in their room or out, etc). That way no resentment from anyone? Or is that weird?