should i care more when my son hurts himself

[cucumberkaleidascope]

OK so I was wondering what the general consensus was on how you should treat your children when they get injured. I mean low level injury.. falling over, knocking various body parts on furniture /other children! no grazes/wounds or anything that would need first aid ..

I grew up with a very 'pick yourself up and just yourself off'sort of attitude and it genuinely annoys me when children whinge and cry over nothing.

My son is 9, an only child and is completely dadless.. I can't help but want to tell him to man up sometimes. He's not a typical cryer but if he falls over for example, he will ball his eyes out. Am I mean for thinking that Yeah it hurts but not enough to cry about and that at age 9, he should be able to dust himself off or at least stop crying after 30 seconds.

Do I need to talk to him about being a bit less wimpy? Or do I need to chill out?

He's a very social, sporty boy, but not very daring/overly boyish.

Any opinions greatly appreciated:)

I totally baby my DS when he falls over. He is adopted so my situation is slightly different, as I look on it as an opportunity to give him additional nurture which in turn helps attachment.

But, in general I am not of the opinion that kids should 'man up'. I spend my childhood crying and never felt that my emotional needs were met (which is probably why i kept crying in the hope that they would be) and that has had a lasting effect on me.

You also can't know what is pain threshold is and what degree the fall/knock has hurt him.

I'd chill out as it won't last forever. I don't often see adults crying when they walk into people etc

If he falls over and hurt himself ten you should show him you care and not be annoyed with him. You can give him a quick cuddle then change the subject and distract him. But YABU he's 9 years old!! And you think he should man up

Unless there is blood or I see them fall awkwardly I encourage them to get up and dust themselves off and not make a fuss. I can't bear these parents who over fuss life is Knocks and scrapes and kids need to learn how to deal with them themselves!!

When ds falls over I briefly stand back to see how he reacts before rushing in. If he's genuinely hurt I'll soon know about it, scoop him up and give him kisses and cuddles. While he's only 2.6yo I would like to think I will always be like that. The approach seems to work as people have commented on what a little toughie he is, I guess because he knows that he doesn't hurt himself enough to cry every time he falls over, but when he does I'm there for him. When he's crying and upset I will always comfort him, however old he is. And I do think you're being quite harsh.

DS is a 9yo prima donna. I suspect he does it for attention, I give plenty of cuddles but in an absent minded my life doesn't stop for this way.

I have a similar approach as matana.

I stand back and wait to see DD's reaction before offering comfort. I hope this means that I can tell the difference between a small knock and a more serious injury.

She is 19 months old and very rarely cries if she falls over.

As a teacher I always do the 'you're ok, no blood, don't worry' but will give them a cuddle if they want one. Or I do the 'do I need to get the saw out?' joke and make them giggle.

I do the same with my DD who's 8mo, when she topples over or bumps herself (a little bit) I'll give her a big cuddle but have a smile on my face and talk in a cheery voice telling her she's fine.

I think the more you show you're worried then the worse they think it is :)

Wow thanks everyone.. :) I do still, and always have given tonnes of love and cuddles when he's hurt and upset. I guess I was wondering if I SHOULD be reacting differently as he has such a lack of male role models I don't want him growing up being a bit out of place/ being bullied for being too soft, because he hasn't ever had any of the rough n tumble/play fight with a dad/uncle /cousins, he is very much in female presence apart from at school. I guess I was wondering if it's my responsibility to discuss this with him or just let him be,i think I will let him be.. as fluffy said, adults don't do this so I'm sure he'll be just fine:)
Thanks everyone

No, I think it gives them MORE confidence when they know you will rescue them...manning up comes later. I used to be more brusque then one day I realised how upset I get when my mother brushes off my worries...we need to make them secure.

Same as Matana. I don't rush in the moment ds has fallen, I wait for his reaction. Most of the time there is no reaction, he gets up and carries on. I ask him if he's ok to which he usually says yes. If he cries, I know he has hurt himself as he's pretty hardcore most of the time.

My ds is 19 months and doesn't give a hoot if he falls/stots his head etc but when he does it we have a giggle with him call him a daft tattie then tell off whatever he jamp fell off. We also remind him why he shouldn't be playing quite so rough but he doesn't listen

My nephew is 6 and screams and wails at everything - my bitch sister has always been a 'get up and shut up' type i think that's made him more babyish than not.

I stand back and see how it goes. If they're upset I give hugs and cuddles with reassurance that they're ok. I have two boys and my youngest (2) is really rough and tumble and has to really whack himself to worry, whereas my eldest (4) holds onto his emotions if you see what I mean, so if he gets in a bad mood or is upset he holds onto that for ages - he's very much like I am. We've treated them in exactly the same way, it's just his nature.

At the moment we're trying to get seem coping strategies into place as it's quite distressing for him not being able to "come down".

By the way, please don't worry about 'manning up' or about your son being a wimp. It's horrible to be told to just get on with it when you're a child, it's what my parents did to me and my brother and it was so, so humiliating and hurtful as it just felt like we weren't good enough. My brother had terrible self esteem issues all through his adolescence and has quite skewed views on 'manliness' and comes across as a bit of a dick if I'm honest as he's just trying to overcompensate for what he perceives to be his shortcomings, when really my parents fell into the usual trap of boy=must be tough and not cry or show any weakness

I think it's good to be interested but I base it on how high the cry is. I know ds has really hurt. Himself when you hear the bang, short pause, then let rip! But with 3 I know I am less sympathetic!

I have one who is worthy of an oscar when he hurts himself. I find it hard to be sympathetic when he is making such a grand performance to be honest. He has always done it - now almost 12. Not sure there is much you can do about it to be honest. Luckily my other two are no so drawn to the drama queen approach.

I always find it slightly odd when visiting friends fall over, gouge large patches of skin off, shrug their shoulders and carry on playing, because none of my 3 react like that.

Somewhere between the two would be my ideal.

When my son falls I laugh. I know it sounds harsh but if not he will cry. His paternal grandma will gasp, rush to him and cuddle him while asking if hes ok repeatedly if he slightly trips so I have to balance it out.

Sometimes though if he falls he will get embarrassed and he wont let me look at him. If I do he kicks off so I have to 'ignore' till he comes to me or he will say 'oh sorry mum, silly me'.

He is 3. At 9 I wont be rushing to him unless hes really hurt

I tell them to shake it off. I am really not that nurturing when it comes to little things like that and of they hurt themselves doing what they shouldn't do they get zero sympathy. Otoh serious things I am huggy and calm with (like the twice dd has broke a bone and a incident that required stitches)

Brandy Like when they decide to climb up the sofa and over the top and hurt their self after been told not to? The toddler does that and I say 'told you not to do it'. He normally shouts 'leave me alone!'

Yes SP when dd(7) tripped over And cried she got zero sympathy because I told her to not run off and stay there, instead she chased after her paper plane and dropped. I would of laughed apart from it was quite a posh place and people were already askance that I told her to get up and stop crying.

I did find esp when they were little the more fuss I made the more they made to.

My niece wailed at top volume at the park for about ten minutes when she fell and grazed her knee the teeniest tiniest bit. I was a bit embarrassed, which I then felt bad about.
I am used to just going "Oh dear what a shame, have a kiss, oh look what's that over there?" and it's all forgotten. But, I guess some children feel things differently and some need more reassurance.

When my kids were little the magic kiss worked wonders. Wailing child with some injury, give it a magic kiss, and miraculously it was all better.

Sadly that stopped working some time ago

You can be affectionate and still encourage him to "shake it off." My approach with DD has always been, "It was JUST a tumble," but while giving her whatever affection she needs. Now she is 3.5 and doesn't seem to need much. . .

I always cuddle mine if they're hurt. Always. And Kiss it all better and sort out any injuries. Then they feel ready to carry on.

If there are other people about I'll take them to a quiet corner so they can have a quick cuddle or tearts without feeling there's an audience.

Sometimes it's the humiliation or shock of whatever has happened that makes a few tears flow.

I think you have to acknowledge the hurt and take a few minutes to get over it at least. If you can't do that with your mum then who can you do it with? I really don't think it's wimpy to do that. Manning up (which I don't esp like anyway) isn't something I see as relevant.

Mine are 11 and 14.

I say kindly 'up you get' if its a little trip as if not both DS will make more of it if it's given unnecessary over attention. However anything more and they get a big cuddle and attempts to make them laugh to forget it. They are children and don't need to 'man up'. Incidentally I hate that turn of phase so wouldn't even think it of my boys.