How do I explain this to a 4 year old?

[TwoTearsInABucket]

DD is very nearly 4. We walk to nursery and often walk with her friend, a boy, who is Black. Twice now she has mentioned the colour of his skin. Never in a nasty or derogatory way but in an excited way if that makes sense.
Today she was all excited because she saw a brown bus and said that it was the same as her friend's face. I didn't know what to say, so when she tried to repeat it, I just spoke before she could and said something else about the bus.
Her nursery is very multicultural and so will her school be. I don't want her to get into trouble for saying something innocently that may be taken the wrong way. How do I explain to her that it is inappropriate to mention the colour of someone's skin?

Just that its not appropriate to comment on a person's appearance. Try not to focus too much on one thing perhaps, just say that all people are different. There are a few threads on this, I'll see if I can find the more recent one

Thank you, I am not sure how to search it.

Shes just curious, its natural why ignore it? If anything ignoring is just stimulating her curiosity and causing her more questions. She's also more likely to ask someone else if you don't answer her.

Simply explain to her that everybody's skin is different. Just like (I assume) she was born with white/pink skin some people where born with brown skin or black skin. It's the same as people having different hair colours such as blonde or red. That it doesn't matter, people are still people regardless of what skin or hair colour they have. Everybody is different and that's good.

Then tell her some people get upset about being talked about and because she's such a nice person it's best not to mention it to other people. If she has any questions tell her to ask you as you won't get upset and will help her understand.

I will talk to her after nursery today. She said about the bus in front of her friend, his mum and brother. I ignored it then because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
She is very curious and tends to comment on just about everyone and everything. It's hard to know what to say sometimes straight after she has commented, as she just continually says what she sees!

e.g. DD: why has that man got his top off? me: because it is a bit hot. DD: He's got nipples. me: yes he has.

The man didn't hear her, but everyone else on the little train we were on did!

It is perfectly natural for children to be curious about the world they live in and totally appropriate for a 4 yr old to ask her parents about what she observes. Skin colour should not be a taboo subject, especially if you live in a culturally / ethnically diverse area. I think it is best to explain that people can look different for example have different hair, eye and skin colour, some are fair, some darker, some have freckles, some people are tall, short, etc. and maybe that it is nice that people look different because it makes the world more interesting or something to that effect.

It can be awkward when their little. I've had many a moment with ds but I personally believe I must talk to him about anything he wants to know about because if I can't then who else will he ask and what will they tell him?

I can appreciate is difficult when the other parents are their but I'm sure their children ask why other people are creamy colour. Children are all curious!

I think sometimes this is more about my very low embarrassment threshold than my DD's chattiness/constant stream of consciousness.

I do talk to DD about what she wants to know, in the privacy of our home. It's the commenting in public that I don't know how to handle. Another example is that she gets very excited when she sees someone with dyed pink hair. She will go on and on and on about it because she loves pink. I have told both my DC that it is rude to stare/point/talk about other people, but she just gets so over-excited. I just don't want to offend anyone.

DD is very proud to be light brown.
Daddy is brown.
Mummy is peach on a good day - often 'red' though!
We talk about black (ExP identifies as black) and white (I guess I'm 'white') but she sees brown/peach/red.
She see's everyone as having their own unique shade/colour.

DD1 is now 5 and got very upset recently as she got told off for calling a girl 'black face' - there was some perfectly logical reason for her doing this (which escapes me now but something to do with what they were leaning in class), but the girl got upset about it and DD got told off. She was very upset and confused.

Half DD's family is black - she was just making an observation, but it came across as name calling.

We just keep talking about colour, race, individuality, respect etc. I think it's all connected - it's not just a matter of talking about colour or race.

Oh I remember now - it was about the girl looking angry/cross & DD observed she had a black face (as in a dark/angry face). The older girl got upset & DD got told off.

There is a chapter about this in 'Nurtureshock'.

I'm encountering this with my daughter a lot lately, too. She's a big fan of "the brown lady" (Serena Williams) which is a bit embarrasing, but as long as no malice is intended or insinuated I think, as PPs have said, that frank conversation is the best way to go.

I liked the comment regarding not focussing on appearance. I shall try to encourage "the record-breaking tennis lady" as an alternative!

We had a similar situation with my children discussing school buddies this morning. Child 1 asked if child's 2 buddy had a black head or whether he had blond hair. I pointed out that its not nice to describe people by the colour of the skin but had blank stares followed by questions of why, immediately followed by child 2 saying buddy was a girl and not a boy!

Grr I can't find the thread I'm thinking of. It was about a girl (about 3yo I think) who had made a comment aboutthe colour of someone's skin. A lot of people said that its best just to teach that you don't make passing comments about other people, whether it be race, size,shape, whatever. It was a bit of a weird thread though