Struggling Stepdad

[RachelF2]

Hi all, I am hoping to get some advice and/or hear other people's experiences on a topic which is depressing me. I moved in with my partner of one year a few months ago with my 7 year old daughter. My partner has no children and readily admits he is struggling to know how to talk to my daughter, any time he speaks to her it seems it is to ask her to stop doing something, other than that he sounds completely uninterested in anything she or does. My daughter is obviously my main priority but I want the relationship to work, and I feel if he learned how to react to her things would be great. I asked my daughter whether she likes him and she said yes and I asked her if she thought he liked her and she said yes. He says to bear with him and he will get used to how to respond to her but it's been nearly 5 months since we moved in together and I'm worried that if it goes on much longer our relationship will be beyond help :-(

Your partner has to make a genuine effort to build a relationship by engaging your dd in conversation and taking her places. It's his responsibility to take the lead.

How about getting him to think about stuff he liked to do when was 7. Build model aeroplanes, make Lego, visit a science museum?

how does he feel about her? Does he like her, or does he find her more of a hinderance than a delightful addition to your relationship?

If it's the latter then I think you're onto a losing battle already.

Also bear in mind that she might well be saying these things in order not to upset you. Kids often do this.

Thank you everyone, we had a good chat last night and again this evening, and he now recognises what he needs to do. He said he finds it difficult communicating with children in general because they lack tact and just say things how they are (out of the mouths of babes!) but now I have explained that she doesn't mean to sound bossy or demanding but doesn't have the vocabulary to put things tactfully he says he will think more before he responds to her. I have also suggested they do things like take the dog for walks together which means they just generally chit chat, so no demands going on which he could misinterpret! We're off bowling soon and start playing more games together as a family and I have a great feeling that all will be well :-)

Thanks again to everyone, your messages have really helped x