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Original poster

Feeding room etiquette

22 replies

WestieMamma · 07/06/2013 23:48

We went out for the first time today with new baby and it was really awkward as I didn't have a clue about the etiquette around using the feeding room (at IKEA).

The door was unlocked so we went in. There was already a lady in there breastfeeding her baby. Because of the layout, I didn't notice her until we were actually in there. Is it ok to go in if someone else is using room if they haven't locked the door or should we have backed out and waited?

My husband quickly changed the baby and then waited outside as he didn't want to make the other lady feel uncomfortable. Should he have come in at all?

Sorry if this is really obvious. I have AS so 'reading' situations like this is impossible for me, so I can't tell what we're supposed to do.

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Bluestocking · 08/06/2013 00:00

I used to use the breastfeeding room at Mothercare. There were several of those amazing nursing rocking chairs in there. I wouldn't have been all that thrilled if someone's male partner had come in, but there were often several women and children in there.

Fuckwittery · 08/06/2013 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpooMoo · 08/06/2013 07:13

I think you should have asked her! If I was feeding I wouldn't mind you or you husband coming in with a baby, but I wouldn't want to be ignored.

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Morgause · 08/06/2013 07:19

I used to check if the room was empty first. If no one was there DH used to come in to help. If someone was there I'd manage on my own.

Some women are uncomfortable feeding in front of strange men so I wouldn't want to put anyone in that position.

weeblueberry · 08/06/2013 07:35

We were worried about this at the John Lewis feeding room recently-particularly about my partner being there too. But when I went in there were 3 couples already inside and no one seemed bothered that partners were in there. It wouldn't bother me personally-there's as much chance being seen by a guy if you're breastfeeding in a normal cafe, no?

Notmyidea · 08/06/2013 09:29

I'm quite happy to feed in public so I'd assume someone using a baby room to feed wasn't. I would go for saying sorry and retreating unless invited to do otherwise.

SavoyCabbage · 08/06/2013 09:37

I think you should have spoken to her. My dh wouldn't have gone in a feeding area. She might have been totally fine with him being there but she was a bit stuck if she wasn't. I never used to lock the door. You can be feeding for a while.

NoWayPedro · 08/06/2013 10:25

I personally think this is OK. If a partner goes into a feeding room (rather than those who prefer to wait outside), safe bet to say they are pro-BF and supportive and in my experience usually avert their eyes and help with the pram when you're leaving etc.

At 10mo, I have fed DD in public but wouldn't say I'm super comfortable doing it but would have no issue with this or feeding in front of my NCT friends partners. Seems different when you know someone is also a new dad whose partner is feeding.

Startail · 08/06/2013 10:28

No idea I always feed in the cafe

GingerJulep · 08/06/2013 22:53

I'd be annoyed at having a strange man in there (I'm picky about who I show my breasts to and how!). If several chairs though would have thought it not unreasonable to have a few women in there.

DiscoDonkey · 08/06/2013 22:57

I think it's fine for you to go in if someone else is already there, but in future it would probably be easiest if you dh doesn't come in, that way you don't have to worry about making anyone feel uncomfortable.

Cravingdairy · 08/06/2013 23:04

If it's a dedicated changing room as well as a feeding room, users have to accept that men may need to use it to change their children.

fairylightsinthespring · 08/06/2013 23:51

I think that's an important point. If there are changing facilities in there, you have to expect that a man may come in. TBH, if you are so uncomfortable BF in a dedicated room while a man wipes poo off his baby's bum (ie, hardly a sexy or titillating situation) then its probably best you don't attempt to BF outside the home as 100% privacy cannot be guaranteed. I wouldn't have asked the woman if it was ok if he came in, its a parents room and she didn't lock the door. She doesn't have exclusive use.

ZenGardener · 08/06/2013 23:56

Do they not separate the rooms? I live abroad so there is always a curtain or wall between the changing area and feeding area. Men are allowed in the changing area but not the feeding area.

SavoyCabbage · 09/06/2013 00:14

I would be amazed if ikea didn't have a changing table in the men's toilets. They have everything that opens and shuts in ikea.

plummyjam · 09/06/2013 08:05

I think if it's a baby change room you have to accept that blokes will come in. If it's a breastfeeding room with a change table then I think it would be polite to ask first, but personally if I was the BFing mum in your situation I wouldn't be bothered.

PinkPepper · 09/06/2013 08:11

I feed everywhere but do sometimes use the mothercare feeding room just as its so nice and quiet and comfy. And easier to resist the cake. In ours the staff unlock it. If no ones in there they always tell my partner to come in too if someone's in there they ask him to wait - but there is only two chairs anyway.

Cosmosim · 09/06/2013 08:18

FYI the Westfield shopping centres (at least new one at Stratford) have great parent rooms with several private screened cubicles as well as play area for toddlers, and communal area for changing, feeding, warming food. And of course the godsend disabled toilets that allow you to wheel your pram in when you need a wee.

ZenGardener · 09/06/2013 10:22

It depends on the Ikea, I think. I went to one where it was a small room with a changing table, sink, and chair. It was obviously only meant for one person at a time so if it was like that I would have just changed the baby using the changing tables in the toilet.

Another I went to had a huge area with the changing tables at one side and then lots of curtained off cubicles with chairs inside so you could feed your baby in private. I can't remember where that one was though. Maybe Glasgow? They all kind of blend into one!

Original poster

WestieMamma · 09/06/2013 11:00

It was the new IKEA in Uddevalla (Sweden). The feeding room has changing facilities and a 3 seater sofa and several tonnes of cushions in it. I did smile and say hello to the lady in there and she smiled back.

Thank you for all your replies. Now I can calming come up with a plan for how to act/respond in this situation in future. I can't process new situations properly on the spot, I have to have a 'flow-chart' pre-worked out in my head that I can refer to.

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changechangechange · 09/06/2013 19:14

Oh god, DS is 14mo already and I've never yet ventured into a feeding room. I'm now really curious and want to check them out...

Rockchick1984 · 10/06/2013 09:56

If your DH had been there on his own, he would have had to go in and change your LO so I don't see any problem with it. I've seen mums bottle feeding in mothercare feeding room so again, potentially a dad would need to do that. If I wasn't comfortable feeding in front of anyone, I wouldn't do it in an unlocked feeding room - there's a big difference between feeding in a cafe and in somewhere that only other people with young babies will be :)

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