Evenings with a newborn - please tell me your experiences

[Beaver80]

Hi there

DD is just 10 days old but we are finding the evenings quite difficult - she seems to want to feed/suck constantly and if she falls asleep she wakes as soon as she's put down, whereas in the day she can often be put in her basket.

Is this normal, should I be doing something differently? What is a good age to start trying a 7pm bedtime and bedtime routine? I'd love to hear your advice/experience!

Thanks so much :)

DS (now 15mo) used to cluster feed in the evenings between about 5pm and 9pm. DH would eat dinner while I fed DS and then while DS was having a rest DH would hold him and I would chuck some dinner down my neck, then have DS back to feed some more.

It passes, I promise! Although DS didn't ever really get on with sleeping in his moses basket so we gave up trying at about 5 weeks and we co-slept from then. Much much easier for everyone.

We implemented a loose bedtime "routine" at around 8 weeks (iirc - by that time the evening cluster feeds had stopped!) when we did bathtime at about 7pm followed by a feed (DS was ebf and so had his bedtime feed with both of us lying on our bed) and he would then go off (sometimes with sshhh-patting). He'd be in a pillow fort on our bed, then, until we came up to bed.

We also used a dummy for the comfort sucking thing (not everyone will agree with this). DS did just use it for comfort sucking, too, and decided at 6mo that he no longer wanted it. He doesn't suck his thumb or anything now.

"Normal" is what works for you. Lots of people have lots of advice. The only advice I will offer (other than to tell you what we did - does that count as advice?) is to listen to it all, nod, smile, say thank you and then use the bits that work for YOU. Mix and match if you need to. Babies are babies for such a short time - although it sometimes seems never ending! - it seems a shame to spend too much time worrying and doubting your instinct.

Good luck and enjoy your gorgeous baby girl

Totally normal. I remember some evenings with DD1, DH would have to feed me my dinner as DD wanted to suck constantly and in the early days I needed two hands to comfortably breastfeed. That was alternated with having to walk her up and down to ease her crying or bounce for hours on my birthing ball, although unlike the feeing at least DH could help with that. With DD2 she was a bit easier but still wanted a lot of holding and feeding in the evenings.

It really will get easier, 10 days is teeny tiny

We called the evenings the witching hour! All day DD was perfect then as soon as 6pm hit she turned into a different baby
She is now 19wks and has been fast asleep since 7pm ..... It will pass

We didn't get the bedtime thing until at least 6 months really.WE tried before that of course, but it didn't work! Cluster feeding in the evening is very normal. so is not wanting to be put down. I don't think there is any point trying any routine in the first three months as they are so brand new and unused to being in the outside world, and also they have no idea of what day and night is in the first couple of months.

Try swaddling for when you need her to go in her moses basket. For the rest of the time enjoy the cuddles and make sure your DH is taking her between feeds some of the time so you can sleep while he settles her. If you need your arms free to eat your dinner (and drink your wine) then use a sling - something like a close caboo or a moby wrap is perfect for newborns.

My DS had hideous colic in the evenings in the first few months and it sometimes took us literally hours to settle him. Now he is asleep by 8pm and we rarely hear from him before 4am unless he has teething pain. Honestly, it gets easier than this. For now forget the routine and go with the flow - your baby can't tell the time and hasn't read the books.

Thank you so much, your responses are so reassuring. I have purchased an Ellaroo wrap sling and as soon as my belly is les tender (I had a section) I'll try that too. I'm trying hard not to wish this magic period away but it's really great to hear how/when things worked out for you.

Thank you again!

I usually spend time with my newborn in garden every evening,trying to show her flowers of different colors.Sometimes I take the baby out for a walk and she really enjoys it.

DD1 - evenings as you've described till about 10 weeks when we started bedtime routine (bath, milk, tv/ story, rock to sleep). Which to begin with, could take up to 2 hours.

DD2 - started routine at 8 weeks, she took to it straight away. Still doesn't sleep through though!

FWIW, I really struggled to enjoy those newborn evenings and have always found that I feel better, stronger mentally, once I get my evenings back. Don't feel bad for finding it hard. It is hard.

We had exactly the same problem and then decided to start the gina ford routine from 2 weeks. From day one she was in bed asleep from 7pm every night without fail. A swaddle helps, dd won't sleep without one. She's now 8 weeks and goes from 7pm to 2/3 and then back down to 6/7. (no dreamfeed) Routine is not for everyone but we loved haing our evenings back and she is noticeably happier.

DD is now 14 weeks and had a routine from day 1. She thrives on it! I didn't enjoy the newborn stage either, I felt a permanent knot of anxiety about her. Over the past 6 weeks or so I've started to love doing stuff with her and she's brilliant at the moment.

Totally normal for them to be difficult at night. Ours just grew out of it, eventually.

I may be a bit extreme but I started the routine from day one and my ds was prem . Both my babies did this and slept 7-7 at 12 weeks . Both very settled and happy to go to bed at 7 pm. Each to their own though .

Routine works for some but seriously, don't freak out if you can't do it yet. I had a cluster feeding evening screamer. Sent me round the bend. Now have a toddler who sleeps 7-6 and is pretty easy going.

You will get your evenings back. Lie ins however, are a distant memory :o

Enjoy it OP. it's very hard but it will get easier

I don't know any breastfed babies who could do Gina

The advantage of cluster feeding in the eve is it should help her sleep for a longer spell at night

LO is five months and has only just started to get sleepy in the eves. We still haven't put him upstairs tho, it's less hassle to just let him sleep on one of us til I go to bed.

Until about 5 months our baby was up with us till our bedtime. Then we noticed she was less grumpy if we managed to put her to bed earlier. In the early weeks we had cluster feeding and crying for seemingly no reason (not as bad as colic though) every evening. Keep up the good work, it'll gradually get easier, it is always changing!

At this age we used to do a bedtime 'routine' around 8pm of a bath with one of us ( kills two birds with one stone), dh really enjoyed baths with them as had lots of skin to skin which I got from breastfeeding. Then feeding and poping into Moses basket. They would often sleep then, and around 11pm we woke, fed and moved into cot when we went to bed.

Enjoy the early evenings now going for a walk together, baby in pram or sling

Hi there and congratulations! Dd2 cluster fed all evening - she took small feeds throughout the day, then wanted to guzzle for 3 hours solid before bedtime. That was when I was BF - I had to switch to formula after a month due to retained placenta and surgery / infection, and the cluster feeding stopped, although she always wanted her night-time bottle only 2 hours after her previous bottle, whereas she would go 3-4 hourly between bottles during the day, so evenings were clearly her hungry times. I put her to bed after her last daytime feed at around 10-11pm for the first few months. She is now 7mo and goes to bed at 7pm since dropping down to 4 milk feeds and eating solids. We never tried to get ds1 to bed early for the first few months either - didn't see the point when we'd be up again at 9.30 / 10pm for a feed. It didn't stop either of them from going to bed early when they were weaned.

Try doing the evening routine you want to do, but at, say 11pm. Slowly bring it forward by quarter of an hour every week/few days.

To be honest, I think most babies do just fall into a roughly 7-7 pattern (ok, perhaps it's 8-7, or 6.30 - 6.30 or whatever) by six months, so I wouldn't be bashing your head against a wall just yet

I used to get some good DVD box sets set up at around 5pm before DD got waily and ensure I had my dinner prepared (meaning a tube of Pringles opened! Sorry, being facetious, but if you have a second pair of hands to make dinner leave them to it), just settle in for a comfy evening of rocking, feeding, singing, tv watching, MNing etc. it will pass soon enough.

Wiped out on the sofa baby constantly feeding you mean? Normal to me...

Congratulations! Totally normal re. evenings, I know how you feel though, it's a bit of a shock at first :-) DD is 7.3 months now, we started to get our evenings back at 3 months and just dropped the 10pm feed this week so she does 7-7. As much as it's hard now though, really enjoy this bit, the newborn cuddles go & you'll miss your evenings with your precious baby

My DD used to cluster feed 6-10pm every night, I used to sit on the sofa BF with the remote control, mumsnet on my phone and DP bringing food and drinks. When she got to about 8 weeks she started falling asleep earlier and by 10 weeks she was asleep by 7 without fail. She's 7 months old now and is still the same. Unfortunately lately with the light mornings she has decided that 5am is a good timd to get up for the day but that's another story!

Oh and congratulations! Enjoy your DD while she's little, the time goes so fast!

Thanks again everybody! Am feeling much more relaxed and confident after reading your responses.

Yes, this is very normal for a newborn. We started GF routine at 2-3 weeks and it works really well for DD (who is breastfed) who seems very happy with it and it helps to make the days a but more predictable. We spent a lot of hours helping her to learn to settle herself in moses basket in evenings though - shushing, patting, sucking a finger but not picking up unless necessary and it took her to about 6 or 7 weeks to be able to settle her self when she found her thumb to suck. That was also around the time she started to sleep through the night too. Hand on in there , sounds like you are doing great :-)

Oh i miss it dossing and doing fuck all,it was great.But it is very hard but enjoy it.Its over so soon and you will miss it when its gone.
Get yourself a couple of boxsets,books on tape.Loads of lovely yummy snack food(i was always hungry).Big bottle water get comfy and let her feed to her hearts content.You will find if you have stuff lined up to do teh time does go so much quicker.Also your dp can be your slave whats not to like