Reluctant to go out much with 8 week old. Is it normal?

[veggie77]

I've got an 8 week old boy and am starting to get a bit frustrated that he sleeps so much that there isn't much point in taking him to any baby activities. There's a couple of surestart baby play groups I could walk to but even though I want to leave the house to do them, I just chicken out every time and start to wonder how it will work when I need to feed him again in an hour or so. I'm breastfeeding on demand which is every 2.5 to 3 hours or so. Don't get me wrong , I do go out for lunch with mum and have met a friend and gone out with hubby places. But when I think about motivating myself to take my son to any organised activities, I just bail out cos it involves planning ahead feeding times earlier than normal or getting in the car to drive to it. I just find it stressful. My Mum told me its normal not to do a lot with young babies and to relax until he's 3 months old.

Are other people feeling the same? It's just that some other Mums I know with babi this age are heading out 2 or 3 days a week to various classes and mum groups. I just can't face it yet.

Thoughts please!

It is early days- if you are not ready to mix then don't. Wait until you are ready. With the first baby I ran things around his sleep etc - the second and third etc just have to fit in.

You don't have to if you don't want to. However if you're feeling a bit isolated it would be good.

When you say you need to plan around feeds do you mean you are nervous about feeding in public? This becomes easier the more you do it too.

BTW, at 8 weeks (probably up until about 8 months!) baby groups are really for you and not him, so don't worry if he sleeps through it. He probably wouldn't get anything much out of it anyway.

DD didn't get much out of baby groups until much older. Until she got mobile (around 10-12 months) she just liked to sit on me or be carried and watch what was going on. Didn't matter if we were at a group, in a coffee shop, or in the park. Take advantage of the sleeping baby and do what you want to do!

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I am still a bit nervous about feeding in public. It's always a bit of a struggle getting DS to latch on when I'm in a cafe or at someone else's house etc. I always manage to expose myself and he feeds for about 45 mins or so, which feels like ages when you're out & about. Got a scarf to cover up but still feel self conscious. I suppose I also feel like there is a deadline hanging over me to feed and keep looking at the clock, wondering how long I've got before the next feed.

I don't feel isolated but I wonder if I should be doing these classes so my son learns things / develops at the right time etc.

I have a nearly 8 weeker and I couldn't even get to the shop for milk today! Just sat in the garden a bit and I ate everything in sight.

He won't be missing out by not going to groups so young. The more you feed in public the easier it getsand you realise no-one actually even gives you a second glance.

The 'classes' are for the parents at this age, you're not disadvantaging him at all!
When you feel ready then go along to something, it's nice to meet mum's with babies the same age and comiserate with each other over lack of sleep/being pooed and puked on etc.
8 weeks is teeny tiny still.

If you're not bothered about going then don't, just relax at home.

But if you'd like to go just go and feed him there if he wants it.

I went to Tots & Tinies when LO was really small and ended up spending about the first hour feeding him, and he kept bouncing off, I was so embarrassed!

It's good practice tho and people expect it in that environment, it's a safe place to flap about a bit (and also see how other people do it).

He was too little to really appreciate it but we did enjoy some time in the sensory room and I got some ideas for toys and games for him, it was overall fun!

Not been back since but planning to go soon as he's five months now and v alert - I think he will love it!

I took dd1 to a group at 6 weeks because I needed to have something to get me out of the house on a Monday morning! There were mums there with small babies as they were siblings to toddlers.
I knew no one in the area so I needed to make some new friends. I met 3 brilliant new friends there and 6 months on we still catch up regularly and have been away for a girlie weekend

That said, there is no pressure to go just yet and I am sure I would have made the same friends if I had left it 6 months. There was always copious amounts of tea and homemade cakes which was even better

You definitely don't need the classes for development.

Normal I hope cos I'm the same! My DD is 8wk. We've had one long trip when I had to go to an evening course and it took me days to prepare. For things like going to the supermarket DH has been great but I got a friend to do the route with me (no car) so I could make sure I could do it step free with the buggy. That gave me confidence to do it alone, but it is only 15min walk away so I'm not out for ages if I do go.

I plan to stay in and not venture too far afield for a while yet. Have done creative things with scarfs and cardigans for breastfeeding as I'm not keen on being to public about it either- might change once I get a bit more confident!

Normal, I hated having to feed in public untill I got one of those breastfeeding covers that loops over your head and has wire in the neck line so you can look down at the baby and get the latch right without worrying about flashing or trying to hold anything in place. Amazon have loads of them just type in breast feeding cover. Getting one gave me so much freedom. Good luck and it gets easier I promise.

If you're a bit self conscious about feeding in public, one of the suggestions I've seen on here before is to try feeding in front of a mirror at home to help you feel more confident (and practice adjusting your top/bra.)

The thing is though that baby/toddler groups are not really 'public'. Depending on where you live, probably a large proportion of the parents there will have been through breast feeding anxieties themselves, so it should be a far easier audience

God please do not stress about this. Your baby can learn everything he needs to learn at this age from you in his home, he won't even be aware of other people (and certainly not other babies) except in the most basic sense.

I remember the frustration of trying to time trips out around wake/sleep times and all that - just take things at your own pace. Maybe try a breastfeeding-specific venue (like a bf cafe or something like that?) so you're less self-conscious about having your knockers out? But only do things that make you feel happy. If that's ten mins round the corner whilst he's having a nap just to have a coffee and chill out - do that.

Sounds normal to me, it took me a few weeks, but I felt good for going out, once i was happier with DD latching on. she wa also a long feeder. Most baby groups will not kick you out mid feed, at the end of the session, and will often have people there to give moral support.

Go when you are ready, and if you go, and don't want to stay long / feed in public, you can always leave before the end.

I made friends with people form groups at this age, but my closest friends now are from a baby group I started going to when DD was 5 months. She is 4 now!

I agree once they hit 12 wks they get more interested on the outside world.

Your DS won't know or care where he is at the moment as far as baby groups go so don't worry about his development please. He's getting everything he needs from staring at you, DH, the ceiling! at the moment.

Baby groups are for you (if you want them) at this stage. I worried about going to them too. When I made it to one it was lovely to see a group of women all looking as shell shocked (in a good way) as I still felt. It made me feel better.

I never really got massively involved with groups apart from knowing when drop-in rhyme time style ones were. Sometimes it was good to have something planned but I never gave myself a hard time if I didn't make it (most of the time).

Thanks for all your advice! Good to know how I feel is normal right now. Thanks for all the tips :-)

Where are you Veggie? I am in the same boat but for the opposite reason that my DS doesn't sleep, he has reflux and screams alot so I've been avoiding groups so far. Hopefully it will get easier at this magical 12 weeks I keep hearing about!

Hamnvik you'll be welcome at groups too regardless of screaming! Sorry about the reflux, poor baby and poor you.

People used to flop boobs out without a care at the baby groups I went to! It was at a really BF-friendly children's centre so everyone kind of enjoyed the freedom of not worrying about scarves and covering up. Nobody gave them a second glance!

Don't fret, if you are happy to stay in or do your own thing then so be it.

DC2 is 10 weeks, HV keeps sending me baby group info and BF support group info but I'm not interested at the min. there's enough to keep me occupied with relatives, close friends, DC1, school run and general housework. Adding the faff of getting DS ready for a baby group is just a stress!

With DD I was obsessed with baby groups but I had very little else to do and was quite lonely. I threw myself into the groups with varying success (from being totally ignored and sneered at during one session to ending up with a stalker at another )

They're much more fun when the baby is older and good for socialising for both of you. They're not the be all and end all though.

Don't worry about it! Just do what you feel comfortable doing.

Many HVs are worried about mothers feeling isolated, which is why they encourage you to go to these things. But if your mum is near, family drops by and the odd friend visits for coffee, you are both going to be ok.

All baby needs is you. He is utterly obsessed by his needs and having mummy nearby. That's it for the time being.

Also would like to add, when dd was in scbu, the ward sister told us, "if she's sleeping, she's growing" and we have subscribed to that ever since. Even now, aged 6, dd has 11 and a half hrs kip, and she's the tallest in her class. She used to find feeding exhausting because of her then tiny size, and I never left the house for days. I used to hate myself for not going out, but Mum and my friends had to keep telling me to relax!

There are some very competitive mums out there, paying out for music and gym lessons for babies, (in my area if you do isn't go to Monkey Music you have failed as a parent) but as other MNetters have said, every M&B is different. Go at your own pace.