Having another - better late than never?

[sheilatakeabow]

DS is six. Until now, we've been happy as a family of three, especially DH. I''ve always had reservations (I'm an only child myself) but the early three years were so so so hard, I went along with it. But now, for the first time, I'm starting to feel I could do it again, and, more than that, I want to.

DH is still unconvinced, but I'm working on that. Our circumstances are so much better than first time around - more friends and family around, settled etc.

The worry is that, with the best will in the world, DS would be 7 when any new arrival arrived so I'm realistic they won't be playmates, but would they have any type of relationship?

I was just hoping you could share your experiences of a larger age gap with me, and also, yours and your OH's ages - DH would potentially be 45 when any other child started school

Thanks in advance

I'm 34 my brother is 19, we have a fantastic relationship. He is also a great uncle and role model to my 13 & 14 year old teenage boys...

I have done almost the same as my mum as I am expecting my 3rd baby now so there will be a similar age gap as between me and my little brother :) I can't wait.

Dd was 7, ds was 5 when ds2 was born. I found the gap this time perfect. The only concern I had/have is that ds2 has no playmates nearby his age now. I would have loved to have another close in age to him but dh didnt feel the same

I am an older sister to my sibling who.is seven years younger. When she was born, I was obviously intrrested but it didnt really affect my life that much. I had my own friends and interests and was never made to.involve my sister.

We were like separate generations tbh as 'in my day' we would.play out, allllll day, and sisters generation were the first real.wave of indoor kids due to the rise i technology in the hope coupled with "everyman on the street is a paedo" paranoia. We were literally chalk.and cheese. However, my sibling wasnt for.me she was for.my parents who wanted another dc and like you, didnt feel the time was right til then. I was never made to babysit or let her into my room or take her with my friends anywhere.

Now, at 21 & 28 we enjoy each others company but really are two totally different characters. I think that is helped by the age gap - we grew up totally

uninfluenced by the other one and so developed
entirely dofferent

oops.... personalities.

I.always say we are like two "only children" of the same.parents.

My sister and I are 6 minutes apart and like chalk and cheese. We are not close and most people wouldn't know we are sisters let alone twins. She doesn't talk to me about stuff and I don't really talk to her. Don't get me wrong I love her and if the chips were down we'd pull together but for everyday stuff I rely on my husband and my mum.
So siblings aren't necessarily close even if they are born close together. Just a different perspective.

My sister is my best friend - and there are seven years between we us! I adored playing with her when she was a baby and I was a little girl, and now we go out and have fun together! I would definitely go for it!

I've got 6 years between my two DS. One is now 8 the other 2. Works very well. DS1 has always adored his baby brother, and can keep an eye on him for short periods of time......

Ds2 has had plenty of individual time, and has his own friends as I have been able to take him to various groups.

There is a nice structure in place around the school run and naps have not had to be compromised.

DS2 adores his big brother and they play silly games together, watch films etc.

DS1 is good at construction but has never been interested in playing with stuff - so he happily builds the train tracks, and lego and DS2 plays with it.

Sure there are squabbles and irritations but show me any siblings where that doesn't happen.

DH comes from a family of 4 and was always highly competitive with the sister who is 2 years younger, but has always had a closer connection with the sister who is 8 years younger.

We are not a family that tends to engage a lot in big days out - so playing in the garden, parks, bike rides and scooters (here even us adults have them) are easily tailored to all age groups......

DH was 37 and I was 34 when we had DS1, and it hasn't made a lot of difference being that much older with DS2- although I worked damn hard on the sleep aspect with DS2 (but I have boys who don't need a lot of sleep and persist in getting up at the crack of dawn)!

Good luck!

Part of the reason I don't think we're close is that things were spectacularly mismanaged

Yup, this is the root of my non-relationship with my siblings as well (although mismanaged in a very different way).

I have DD1 5.5 years and DD2 7 months. I am 37 and DH is (almost) 41 I couldn't have had DD2 any sooner (and actually thought I would never have another) due to terrible birth with DD1, PTSD, PND etc etc.
I have found that there are pros and cons but overall positive!
DD1 was quite put out by DD2's arrival as she does not like babies (never plays with dolls) and was completely disinterested in DD2 at first but just in the last few weeks things have improved a lot - DD1 is turning in to a little mother hen! She wipes DD2's face, helps with nappies and baths, shows her toys, makes up stories and reads to her (great practice for her reading) and it is lovely to watch. DD2 adores her big sister.
I find I have time to spend with both as DD1 is at school so I have time for DD2 during the day and rarely have to juggle looking after both of them at the same time on my own. School holidays might be a challenge though...
Go for it!

My and my sis are 5 1/2 years apart. We never really played together and she pretty much ignored me as resented my existence. We were like 2 only children in some respects. We did have a spell of a few years that we go on well and were pretty close when we were kids but once she got to 12 or 13 that stopped.

We have no relationship as adults but that is mainly because we are so different, although when we do see each other we are ok at small talk and actually have the same kind of sense of humour.

I am still glad I had a sibling as I had the benefits of having a sibling but also feel like I also had the benefits of an only child.

Thanks again to everyone who's shared their stories, I'm genuinely really grateful. I'm also really glad to see the majority of you have positive stories to tell. The thought of sleepless nights and weaning and tantrums and potty-training and all that carry-on fills me with dread (not to mention childbirth), but we've come through the other side now and it would be nice to even up the parent-to-child ratio a bit. Just got to work on DH!