How can I help 14 mo DS deal with DP's 10 week overseas trip?

[LittleMouseontheDairy]

DP is a New Zealander and for visa-related reasons needs to spend 6 months of the year in NZ. This has been going on since DS (14 mo) was born (also, through our entire relationship - 2 and a half years) and up until now, while it has been tricky of course, it has been ok as far as DS is concerned as he has been too young to really be aware of what has been going on.

However we are now coming up to one of the longest periods apart so far (10 weeks) and I'm becoming increasingly concerned about how best to 'handle it' so that DS doesn't get too confused/ upset now that he is older and more aware of how his little world works. Obviously there's not an enormous amount I can actually DO about it because DP will be gone however I approach it, but I was just wondering if people had any advice about how best to 'explain' what is happening to a 14 mo baby? We will Skype as frequently as we can but realistically with the time-zones it will just mean a little wave/ chat in the morning before DS has a nap or goes to nursery, and I don't want Skype to distress him either - ie if he can 'see' daddy but not touch him etc.

DP works from home so when he is here he is around all the time - so DS is currently used to spending a lot of time with him - possibly even more than he spends with me as DP looks after him on one of my work days.

Sigh. What seemed like a workable 'let's take it as it comes' approach to a long-distance relationship is getting harder when it comes to dealing with how DS might handle the situation! I just really want to make sure it doesn't hurt him. Even 'scar' him?!

On the plus side DS enjoys being around my brother, and he will probably step up to the plate and fill in for DP's absence quite a lot. So he does also get a pretty strong bond with his uncle thrown in to the deal...

Does anyone have a similar situation? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi. Sounds like a tough situation. I've had kind of a similar situation, but none of dh's trips were that long - longest was 3 weeks. However, dh normally works at home, sees a lot of ds, and his work trips normally included significant time difference. I found when dh was away and ds was still young, he didn't really seem to mind. We skyped, but it didn't seem to confuse or bother him - maybe because he was already used to skyping grandparents and the rest of our family? At 14 months I don't think he really minded dh going away. I'd always try and explain the day before that daddy was going away but not sure what he understood at that age. As he got older I'd find first couple of days of dh being away he'd be a bit more clingy to me (not massively so, just a little bit) and maybe played up a bit more (though that might have just been me feeling the pressure of having to do solo parenting). Most recent work trip of dh was when ds was 2y. DS got used to seeing daddy on skype, understood that daddy had gone on the 'big airplane' and again seemed fine. For convenience we normally skyped over breakfast - it helped to keep ds in his seat during the conversation (otherwise he'd get bored and wander away) and he got used to having breakfast with daddy.

Basically I suspect you'll find your ds will cope a lot better than you expect and I certainly don't think he'll be scarred. I think the hard bit is going to be on you, suddenly have to be a single parent for 10 weeks. Good luck with it, and glad you have your family for support.