In laws safety concern PLEASE HELP

[mumtolilh]

Hi

I have an 18 month old lb & I no longer wish for him to be around his fathers parents! I hate them with a passion admittedly but I have genuine concerns!

They smoke in the house around the other grandchildren & are heavy cannibis users! They also drink alot! I have concerns about them properly watching my son when he is alone with them! They have only watched him once on Saturday while my partner (their son) went to the barbers! I was outraged & oh has been spoken to! They have real addictions that need to be sorted!

I am happy for them to see him when their problems have been dealt with.Can I ban them from seeing him or do they really have some sort of rights? At this stage I am not even willing to let them see him with me supervising.Thank you

Not sure if they have rights. Could you do park/ soft play visits with you supervising. They get to see him but not at risk to the child. ( also needs to be made clear no drugs/ alcohol at the park)

Think your husband needs to speak to them and explain why.

Good luck, really awkward but understand your concerns.

Just tell them your DC won't be staying with them unsupervised unless they can be trusted not to be pissed / stoned. End of. You're the mother, in this case what you say goes. Don't enter into any arguments on the subject.

You can and should stop them from looking after your dc if you cannot trust them to not be drunk or stoned, for your children's safety. Even if they did have rights (which afaik grandparents do not) the children's safety comes first so they have forfeited any right to contact imo

GPs don't have rights, last I heard. Will your child's father back you?

Thanks for advice.Yes oh backs me that he shouldn't be left alone with them but not for them being cut out completely.My mil & fil aren't welcome to my home so the agreement was they could meet us outside or my oh takes our lb to them.Its not just their behaviour at home it's in general! I am completely embarrassed by them in public & I hate people seeing them with us! I feel like people are looking like OMG look at the state of them! I truly want them to sort it out! Where do I start in bringing it up? My oh doesn't seem to see what I see! To me they are quite obviously addicts & look like addicts! I really want to stop the contact all together temporarily.At least I know if I done this they have no rights :(

Grandparents don't have rights legally, it is up to the parents if and how much contact the children have with them. I do agree with you that they do not sound appropriate for your kids to be around. Children look up to the adults around them and learn behaviour from them - not what you want your kids to be copying. Maybe a serious talk with the GP explaining that you are sorry but they need to sort themselves out and not be using drugs before they can spend time with the kids again will be a kick up the butt for them to clean up their act. If not having contact with their grandchildren isn't enough to make them kick the habit, then they don't deserve to see them anyway.

Meant to say, have a serious talk with them and explain your reasons, but try not to let it get nasty - try not to burn your bridges with them, even if you hate them, as they are your children's grandparents still, and if they clean up their act properly then it would be a shame to prevent that relationship, for your kids' sake.

Doesn't sound like they give a F about them selves or anyone else. However they did manage to raise the father of your child. Have they always been like this or is it something new?Maybe an ultimatum will work and maybe having a GC around will be the making of them. Who knows, but you can try.

Update! My oh is going to tell them to clean up their act so they can continue the relationship with my lb! They haven't always been like this...always liked a drink but recent cannibis smokers & drinking has got heavier in the last 3 months! If they don't sort it then they will have no contact so we will see! Btw they didn't really raise my oh as his nan done most of the work & she sadly passed away before meeting my lb :( x

That's great news, mumtolilh. Has he done it yet? Hope it went OK.

No not done yet!...but I keep reminding him & I will not be backing down! ;)

Not easy for him, no matter how much he believes it's necessary.

Perhaps he could do it when they're really stoned and laid back.

Yea that's a good one ha!
That would be all the time then lol :)