What should I say to 3yr old about her facial skin tag?

[notanyanymore]

My DD has a quite large skin tag on her cheek that she was born with. Apparently due to the size of the base of the tag it will need plastic surgery to remove and that can not be done until she is 12.

She's been aware its there from a very early age, and has asked me what it is and to 'get it off', I'm never too sure what to say other then 'i can't get it off with a wetwipe honey, its your lucky nubbins! but we can speak to a doctor about it one day if you like'. Other children do ask her about it (she's looked to me to answer before and i just said 'oh thats her lucky nubbins', which seemed to satisfy them) and she is just about to start nursery.

As I say, other children ask her what it is/why its there, but never in a nasty way (so far). I would just like to help prepare her. She's a lovely little girl and always gets on great with other children.
When she starts school it will be in a very small one (max of 15 children in a year group) and will have her older sister and siblings with her 'to look out for her', the school also has a very good track record of no bullying.

However, it is an obvious thing for someone, at some point, to say something nasty about and I really want to help her in the best way I can.

Any ideas?...

Why can it not be removed till she is 12?

I'm not entirely sure. We asked the pediatrician about it when she was born, she made us feel awful for even asking! I spoke to the doctor at her 6 week check up (and mentioned it to another one at an appointment for something else) who said no one would remove it until she was at least 9 as it would have to be her decision and would require 'plastic surgery'(can't imagine she's going to want to keep it but who knows..?) I then rang a local private hospital who said she can have a consultation once she's 3 (she's 3 next month) but they would not operate until she's about 12.
I think it might be that at that age they could trust her to stay still to have it done under a local anesthetic (obviously don't want to face the risks of a general for something like this even if they would do it).
Its not THAT big, base is probably only about 1cm across, but apparently it will require 'surgery' to remove.

Struggling to understand that. DS was born with a cleft lip and palate (rather more serious I understand), but nevertheless, it's a good job they didn't wait until he was 12 for plastic surgery!

To answer your question though, we always taught DS to say 'I was born with a cleft, and it means I've had some operations, and will have more when I'm older to straighten my nose'. Although I did hear a rumour that he didn't always follow the party line, and said that he'd been in a fight! Just to reassure you, DS had never had any problems, teasing or bullying from school, and he was just honest and matter of fact. I can literally count on one hand the number of times it has been mentioned to him in a derogatory manner.

I know it's pointless to say 'don't worry', but try not to!

DS2 (2.10) has had something very similar sounding. I've also been a worried about how other children will react, as he's starting pre-school. Our tactic has been to be very casual about it, oh that's just a mark, it will go one day, mummy had one when I was little etc. If other children ask (which they do, but always curiously rather than aggressively so far) I've been equally casual. And we've tried to make a point that everyone is different etc etc. I love your idea of the lucky nubbin however! He is conscious of it though (he once asked if the Gruffalo was his brother because they both have warts, which made me want to weep). I was planning to give him a sort of script to follow if anyone asked, along those lines.

BUT - 2 weeks ago it came off by itself. Obviously no idea if it's the same condition, but things can change. He was referred to a paediatric dermatologist about a year ago. At that time it was about a cm long and he was pulling on it. She diagnosed it as a filoform wart, and suggested tying cotton around it. The long bit came off, but the base thickened until it was about a cm across, she told us to cover it with duct tape when this happened and prescribed wart remover. She also said there was nothing they could do until 3, at which point it could be removed under general, although we had no plans of doing this.

For what it's worth I was plagued by warts and skin tags as a child, constantly having them frozen off and the only thing that worked was hypnosis (really), though apparently they need to be 5 before it works.

I suspect that because it is essentially a cosmetic operation (unlike cleft lip which has other implications) they want to wait until she has an almost adult sized head to minimize scarring.

But that is an educated guess.

In terms of the age I was told it was 3 because the risks of general are less at that age - obviously loads of children have generals before then, but as Edwina says it's essentially cosmetic so they're not going to let a child have unnecessary procedure. We weren't give an upper age limit, but were told he would have to be much older to have it under local as they're just too wriggly when they're young (particularly as in his case it's na his eye)

Dd was born with a large skin tag on her cheek. They tied it off when she was a baby but its has left a tag that looks like a large white head. They said she would have to wait until she was about 12 too.
I know it's vanity rather than medical that means it will go but I know that as a 16 year old she will probably appreciate that we decided for her rather than a lifelong white head

Thank you for your replies, hopefully it wont cause her any probs and if she wants it removed before secondary school I'll face that battle then!