Are you worried about your children being "young carers"?

[Weegiemum]

I've got a degenerative neurological illness, which means I have lots of numbness, problems with balance, fatigue, proprioceptive loss (I don't know where my hands and feet are if I can't see them - best example is I can't clap my hands when my eyes are closed!).

18 months ago I couldn't walk, let alone look after the house etc, but with intensive OT and physio help its going well.

Today, though, has been a bad day. I couldn't lift the hoover, walk out to recycling bin etc.

When my dc got in from school this is what they had to do:

Empty and reload dishwasher.
Collect laundry from bedrooms.
Bring Hettie the hoover downstairs (I did the vacuuming) and back up.
Put recycling out.

I made a fairly basic tea for them (fishfingers with mash and veg) and they're now watching tv having done homework and music practice.

Later they'll make their packed lunches (with help) for tomorrow. I've always insisted on this, even before I got sick.

This is a day I've asked more of them than usual. But my gut feeling is that it's not too much. They're 9,11,13. I like to think they'd be doing a few chores like this even if I was totally healthy (and thus woh pretty much full time), I'd be asking the same. We're a family, a team. We all do chores.

I'm not asking too much? Or am I?

I agree with you that at their ages, it's likely they would do a similar amount even if you were completely able. I understand your concern too, DH and I both have disabilities and I worry and panic about during the bad times as well. I've found keeping an open dialogue about the why of bad days helps a lot as well as having lines of what I'm not comfortable with them helping with and making back-up plans to prevent it in a crunch.

Thanks

I make sure they don't do personal care - I get up and ready early enough that dh does my bra, dd1 13 very occasionally.

I mean they do my hair, nails, makeup but that doesn't seem too different from the children of able-bodied friends, I try o have dh push my wheelchair when I need it (apart from when we go to Lush, has to be dd1 as it gives dh an asthma attack and headache!).

From when they were little I've fostered independence, they can all cook, put laundry on, Hoover, put away laundry etc. always been involved with lunch, dd1 can now let herself in after school if I'm out.

Just as well really! I've done my best. Dh works long hours so he's out 7.30-8 but my home help ones floors, bathrooms etc!