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Parenting

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Original poster

Best consequences for a 6yo constantly pushing the boundaries?

14 replies

olivo · 28/05/2013 09:10

DD is nearly 7, and has been really hard work for the past few weeks. She is constantly and repeatedly doing things she has been asked not to do, sometimes only seconds before, and sometimes looking directly at us, really defiantly. She has also taken to blaming things on her little sister ( and being caught out!) and we have had a few lies as well.

How would you consequence these things? With having Dd2 as well, I haven't been able to cancel trips out, or visits to friends' houses or anything. she is usually allowed to use the Pc at weekends and during holidays, that has been denied to her, but I am not sure what else to try.

Any suggestions would be most welcome, even if not about consequences!! TIA.

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soaccidentprone · 28/05/2013 09:14

We used to do 'time out' and make ds's sit on the bottom stair for 5 minutes. If they did it again it was 6 minutes etc.

Most children do this. They need you to be in charge and give them boundaries with consequences if these are crossed.

Original poster

olivo · 28/05/2013 09:29

She does get sent out of the room until she calms down and then comes to apologise. I am trying to be consistent. As a teacher, I know how much boundaries are important, as well as being fair but consistent. It is just so much harder with your own children!!

She just then seems to do it again, minutes later, like the time out doesn't matter.

She broke something of mine yesterday, minutes after being told not to touch, and I have asked her to pay for it to be replaced. I was doubly cross as she blamed it on Dd2.

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ellesabe · 28/05/2013 14:20

I think it's a matter of trust. You need to be able to trust her to do xyz and if you can't, then...

Eg. You need to be able to trust her to not touch the ornaments in the lounge, or she won't be allowed to go in the lounge.

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Original poster

olivo · 28/05/2013 20:10

Yes, you're right, I can't really trust her at the moment. Today's revelation was that she cut her sister's hair..........

OP posts:

ellesabe · 28/05/2013 20:48

What's important to her at the moment? That might help to inform a consequence.

cupcake78 · 28/05/2013 20:54

Stop her doing something nice or take something off her shes very find of. She has to earn her privileges, these can be as simple as a bedtime story or stopping her from going to a friends party, watching TV etc etc.

If things get really bad you could consider emptying her bedroom of all toys etc, only leaving a few books and putting her in isolation.

cupcake78 · 28/05/2013 20:56

I've just noticed that your not stopping her from visits because of her sister. Can one of you take her sister and the other keep her at home. Yes it's miserable but if it works it would be better for everyone.

Original poster

olivo · 29/05/2013 08:33

I don't have anyone else to look after her when we go out, other wise I would definitely leave her at home.

It is so frustrating, she is not really a tv watcher, we've already removed computer privileges, which we thought would really bother her, but she doesn't seem to care. No parties coming up.

She knows that if we go out, she will not be getting treats- an ice cream, etc- until her behaviour improves.

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Original poster

olivo · 29/05/2013 08:35

I think it might come to removing toys from her room. Although, she'll probably just turn the toothbrushes into people and play with them!

She is such a good girl when she is at school or t other people's houses, people don't believe this naughty streak.

Oh, she has also lost her pocket money.

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soaccidentprone · 29/05/2013 09:54

Have you asked her why she is repeatedly ignoring you?

Is it attention seeking do you think?

Have you kept repeating the message 'yes we love you, and we always will, but we don't like your behaviour'

Keep repeating the action and consequences phrase. I still do this with ds1 who is now 17

Original poster

olivo · 29/05/2013 09:59

I did ask if there was anything wrong but she said no. It probably is attention seeking. I repeatedly tell her I love her but I don't like her behaviour at times, she just apologises and does it again. Se is also teaching Dd2 some foul rude habits like growling when we ask her to do something she doesn't want to do.

I was hoping she'd be over it by 17 but maybe I'll have to change my way of thinking

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Original poster

olivo · 29/05/2013 10:02

Interesting you ask if we have asked her why she ignores us - sometimes she says she didn't hear. We seem to get her hearing checked at least once a year but never have a negative result, so I don't know if she periodically gets glue ear, or if it is selective hearing.

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ellesabe · 29/05/2013 13:48

Have you read the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"?

Might be worth a read!

Original poster

olivo · 29/05/2013 16:19

Thank you, that's something I'll check out t the library.

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