Difficult 2 year old, Very Depressed.

[fluffymoo]

Hi there,
I am 22 years old with a 2.4 year old boy. He is extremely hard work, although I am told this is normal. I am depressed... Something is terribly wrong... as one day I feel great then the next day I just don't want to face any aspect of life whatsoever.
My son is suffering... I don't do anything fun with him like take him to toddler groups etc. As soon as we step out in public he runs away or attacks other children.
He does go to nursery twice a week but he's still in with the babies for some reason.
He's very rough, noisy, tantrums all the time, ignores me, runs away, spits his food out, potty training is just a no go, and he is absolutely obsessed with throwing things, usually heavy or hard objects at people (this has been an issue for a year).
I just physically and mentally don't have the energy for him anymore. Most days I despair so much I just lie on the sofa and sleep... Regardless of various objects being thrown at me etc.
I work evenings and barely have the energy to.
I am with his father who is in my sons eyes, god. I am invisible when daddy is at home. His father and I are ok although he doesn't understand my depression he thinks I am just lazy . We have different views on parenting but we get through it.
I shout at my son all the time and he absolutely infuriates me, no one understands... I don't know any other parents in my situation...
Do you??

Not much in the way of wise words, but I just wanted to say I hear you. It sounds all very difficult. Have you seen a doctor re the depression?

Ok first things first. Make a GP appointment in the morning please, yes? Ask for a double appointment - you need to discuss what support is available for the hitting/throwing your DS is doing and also to talk about how your mental health is under strain with coping with the tantrum stage and that your DP is not backing you up. See if your HV and local Children's Centre can help too?

Show me a mum to a wilful toddler who hasn't at some point felt blardy awful and unable to cope, and I will eat my hat!

You do need to chat through and agree boundaries and strategies with your DP and work as a team, if he's not backing you up then you will feel undermined and unsupported and that's not a recipe for a happy relationship.

The important thing is that you have the maturity to realise that you're not in a good place right now and crucially, you are seeking support. So well done you! you will get through this stage...

My son is 2.2 and although usually well behaved, if we don't do any groups/visiting other children for a few days he turns into a monster - I think it's when he's bored. I think you need to deal with your depression and get out and about more as with more stimulation he may start to behave better and will also see how other children behave and pick up on their positive behaviours.

Have you spoken to nursery, is he like this when he's there? Is he like that for his dad or is it just you? You also need to ask nursery why he's not moved up from the baby room, take charge a bit.

Thank you...
I have not been to my doctors because I don't even have the motivation for that. But I know I have to... Tomorrow I will call.
I forgot to mention that I did used to take my son here, there and everywhere . I tried and tried But it was such hard work I actually gave up taking him. I get very embarrassed by his behaviour and ashamed of myself.
My friends don't understand, only two of them have children and they are angels.
I've been so negative towards him that I don't believe he even loves me anymore, he wants nothing to do with me.
Sometimes I feel like I would rather be dead.
I have reached out and admitted my feelings to my partner, my mother and one friend but none understood and just told me to stop worrying.

Where are you based, fluffy?

Your DS does love you. 2yo's are such hard work - and you will come out the other side of this phase.

Small steps, one each day and you will soon be in a better place.

So tomorrow's step is to ring the GP and make an appointment.

I am sorry you didn't get better support when you confided in people close to you. If it helps, I found that writing down what I didn't want, with a corresponding action to get towards what I did want, helped me to frame my requests for help from DH a little better.

Update us tomorrow after you've rung the docs?

Yes please treat us as a support. We've all been there, or if not then by the grace of God and all that...

Hi fluffymoo, just checking in. How are you? Did you get through to the GP to make an appointment?

You would definitely find a Home Start volunteer helpful. Someone comes in for a couple of hours and does whatever would help. It's amazing. You HV can refer you or you can self-refer. www.home-start.org.uk/