DP and I are struggling massively with how to handle DSS2's extremely fussy eating, and would really value some advice.
My DS enjoys most dishes, as do his other step-siblings; they'll all give most things a go, and feeding them is easy - mostly a pleasure. (My eldest step-son actually said to me today that his enjoyment of different foods and flavour combinations has developed a lot since we all started living together!) But DSS2 (nearly 7) is making meals into an ordeal for us all - or maybe we are because of how we're responding to him? He will eat so few things. And because everyone else likes a wide variety of foods, I try to plan a good mix of meals, with DSS2 in mind too - i.e. there'll be some element of it he'll usually like (rice, bread, etc). We're not all going to miss out on the foods we like and stick to a limited menu, just to keep DSS2 happy.
Anyway, what we've taken to doing - because DSS2 whining/crying/tantruming (at length) about a given meal had become so commonplace - is saying that if, after trying a meal, he doesn't like it, he can have either of two very simple, plain, not-coveted-by-the-others alternatives that are healthy, super-quick to prepare and which we know he likes. And he has to politely decline the main meal and defer to this back-up without fuss. To an extent, this has worked - it's lessened the mealtime dramas somewhat. But I'm not sure it's the 'right' solution IYSWIM.
This evening, I cooked jacket potatoes with a variety of toppings (including a few I know DSS2 likes). I knew DSS2 likes roast potatoes, chips and boiled potatoes, so I thought we'd be OK (even if he left the skin). So we said that this was the meal tonight, that we knew he ate potatoes - cue an hour of melodramatic tears over a potato and insistence that he doesn't like them, he never has and we should know he doesn't.
This is all new to me. DP's not used to it either, at least not with his other children (although DSS2 has always been fussy, he seems to have become worse). We wonder if it's attention-seeking; with other family, he gets a big fuss made and a separate meal of his choosing cooked for him - and he thinks we're 'mean' because we don't do this. The tears did seem pretty OTT to be honest - but I just don't know. Whatever's going on with him, DP and I are getting worn down by it and how it takes over mealtimes. We end up feeling we've been too hard on him and feel guilty - but if we were to cave, we'd feel we'd been royally manipulated.
Ultimately, we just want DSS2 to have a healthy relationship with food, for us all to enjoy mealtimes without this kind of fuss/sense of entitlement, and for him to toughen up a bit because his picky behaviour is alienating his siblings. How do we handle this fairly, healthily, effectively?
Thanks so much.