Okay, I know it's a horrible age and it's hard work. I do. But I need to know if what I'm describing is on the hard end of the spectrum, or not?
DD1 was an intense child in that she needed (and still needs, at 4.5) a lot of attention and interaction. But she was also very happy, very social, very flexible with plans. Not physically adventurous, loved being read to for hours, generally a really rewarding child to be around. I am an excellent parent, I thought, I should have lots of these here children things!
And then DD2, bless her stubborn little heart, came along.
She has all those typical toddler behaviours, wanting to do dangerous things and getting cross when she's stopped. Fine. She's also incredibly, incredibly clingy around me, so all she wants is to be carried/climb on me, she whines and cries whenever I try and walk into another room, or just stand up. I often cook dinner with her lying on the floor screaming, because it's that or we go hungry.
She is so protective of her personal space that if DD1 comes near her when she's playing with a toy, she'll glare at her older sister and shriek. If DD1 is playing with a toy, she'll try and snatch it, and then shriek. She hates being at home for long, so she'll gather up shoes and hats and point at the door, and have a tantrum if I say no we're not going out yet (she can always play on our front deck unsupervised, but this isn't good enough). But she also hates the car; she'll submit to being put in the seat, but within five minutes will always be whining to get out, and the whining escalates quickly. Even if I take her somewhere she can run around and enjoy, it's not good enough; at the playground, she'll inevitably try and go on the big kid stuff and then get angry because she can't manage it on her own (or furious if I have to lift her off the high slide). And of course she also gets into a lot of accidents, and cries like she's dying even if she's just slipped onto her perfectly well padded bottom.
Each of these things is just toddlerness, I know. And of course there's the posting of useful stuff, the ruining of things, the distribution of mess all over the house, the spilling, the food throwing, the stubbornness, I feel like those are all par for the course. But the combination of the above things means that she's basically NEVER content or happy or anything. I mean, she is, for a minute or two at a time. She has fun. She laughs. Etc. But I am always on edge, waiting for the next whine, the next cry. I find myself giving in on the little things (standing up in the bath, asking for treats) just because I am so done with the negative energy. Which probably makes me a terrible parent, and is definitely setting myself up for more battles later.
But what I want to know is, am I actually dealing with a harder-than-usual toddler? Is this level of constant dissatisfaction normal? Because it's really factoring into our conversations about a third. We'd both like a third, but DD2 pushes us to our limits in a way that DD1 never did (and it's really not a matter of now having two, the logistics of that are fine, it's just having DD2!), so if we think it's DD2, we're more likely to say yes to a third, whereas if it's us, we won't. If that makes any sense.