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Parenting

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Original poster

In need of some help ASAP

16 replies

inneedofsomehelpplz · 09/04/2013 18:41

I have an adorable 7 week old baby BUT she will only sleep during the day on me & naps for 3 hours at a time - she will not go down in her basket/cot/chair - basically anywhere other than on me. Which means that I cant eat, go to the toilet or do anything but watch tv. So then when she is awake I feel guilty not playing with her so have ended up not eating. I will have a quick shower & a toilet break before playing with her. She will not sleep anywhere but in bed with me and therefore I am in bed at 7.30pm & she settled about 9ish but I can't then leave her as she knows. I have put her cot (minus the side) next to my bed but she knows. I have tried putting my smell with her but she still doesn't settle. I am feeding her (bf) every two hours during the night. I am self employed and can't work at all as she will not settle for a nap in her pushchair or car seat - it has to be on me.

I love her so much but can't see light at the end of the tunnel - I am so tired and can't nap when she is asleep on me as worried I will roll over. My poor partner sleeps on the sofa as I am so worried that a pillow or duvet will go near her that I often sleep with just a dressing gown on on the corner.

I know that she is to young for CC but what can I do? My partner tried to settle her in her cot one night but she was shaking from screaming so much.

I have just bought her an expensive swing that makes white noises plus music but this still doesn't settle her.

I am sick of reading on FB about peoples babies that give them an easy time when mine is a real clingy monkey.

Please don't judge me - I need some "me" time to eat and clean my house but she doesn't allow me. The HV said that you cannot leave them crying so will she learn to self settle the older she gets?

Glass of wine for anyone who has read the ramblings of a woman at breaking point :'(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Forgetfulmog · 09/04/2013 18:56

To you.

My dd is 6 mo & still will only nap or sleep on me. Sorry, not very helpful I know but she is now old enough to amuse herself whilst I go to the loo/shower.

I remember the first few months - dd was super clingy & screamed as soon as I put her down so I completely get it. The way I survived? I carried her in a sling all day (used a babasling) & could go to the loo/cook/clean/wash-up with her in it. She just used to go to sleep. I had showers in the eve & DH held her whilst I did so (I had to be quick though!). I bf & dd is still bf every 2 hrs or so day & night.

7 weeks is very tiny, your DC needs to be close to mummy & there is nothing wrong with that. Ignore anyone who tells you you're holding her too much or anything like that. You're doing everything right.

Get yourself a sling. Seriously. Mine was the best £40 I ever spent.

Have some more & a & 10 packs of cakes

Original poster

inneedofsomehelpplz · 09/04/2013 19:04

Thanks so much - I do have a sling but I have a really bad back so can't use it but my partner does :-( The only problem with the sling is that my job is manual labour so even if I could use the sling would need her on my back & no sling can go on the back until baby is 6 months old. Hearing that your daughter is 6 months old and still the same as my 7 week old is scary stuff. My teenage son was a doodle as a baby. This is a total shock to the system. I need to get back to work and she doesn't like it as likes her routine - up at 6am, nap on me 8-11 - play from 11-1 & nap from 1 til 5 then bath & bed at 7.30 - sleep at 9 after an hour or so on my boob.

How long can I leave her crying for before I have to pick her up? I know 7 weeks is tiny and I have to work - we need the money but she simply won't settle even in her buggy for a nap.

Thanks so much :-)

OP posts:

LittleRedDinosaur · 09/04/2013 19:05

Don't panic! She's only tiny. Keep trying the Moses basket/cot/pram and she'll get the hang of it at some point soon. Maybe try a co-sleeping cot (bed nest or similar) that is what worked initially with my very similar baby. She's 6 months now and still likes me to be near her when she sleeps. She sleeps in her big cot at night and when she wakes at I go in and she turns on her side and puts her little hand through the bars and holds my finger as she goes off to sleep again. Totally lovely!

I too thought that I'd never be able to put her down and there was no magic solution, just a bit of time. Your DD is still only little. You'll get there with her but I do understand how completely exhausting it is.

Wishing you sleep soon

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LittleRedDinosaur · 09/04/2013 19:09

I didn't really leave her to cry at that age- or at least not for longer than it took to have a quick wee. I am pretty soft though and I'm sure a few short mins aren't going to be a problem- someone else may be able to answer that better than I can! (I really am a massive softie)

poocatcherchampion · 09/04/2013 19:10

I don't know if this is helpful but we didn't do much in the way of playing until she was at least 4 months if not 6. if she is happy to lie and kick for a few minutes get in the shower and make a sandwich.

another idea re eating is if your ish makes a packed lunch in the morning get him to make you one or at least get lots of easy snacks around to grab.

I think you'd be a bit lucky working at this stage - I couldn't have contemplated it for months - are you sure you are not trying to do too much?

Original poster

inneedofsomehelpplz · 09/04/2013 19:15

I probably am trying to do to much esp with a third degree tear but my partner cant work his job + run our business as it is too much for him so I have to help out. We are in livestock so not as though we can leave the jobs for another day. I suppose having such a good baby the first time I simply thought she would be the same (LOL).

Think I need to take a step back then & just devote all my time to my teeny baby as she is growing up so quickly.

Thanks :)

OP posts:

lovelyredwine · 09/04/2013 19:23

My dd was the same. I also had a sling so that I could have her on me hands free - made eating, loo breaks etc easier.

You can stop it, but it does depend on how much you want/need to and how much crying you are able to cope with. I sort of sleep trained my dd from about 9 weeks old as I also couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel! I basically put her in her moses basket and left her and kept going back and picking her up and saying, 'it's nap time now, mummy's still here, it's safe to go to sleep now' etc every few minutes and put her down again when she calmed down (I know she couldn't understand, but felt the sound of my voice and the closeness of a cuddle would make her feel better). I just did it with the morning nap at first and spent ages going in and out etc, but she eventually went to sleep. It took a few days and she started going down fine in the mornings.

I also tried to take her out in the pram for a sleep whilst I walked most days so that was another way of going to sleep without being on me, and she got some fresh air and I got out of the house.

I couldn't bring myself to co-sleep so we basically had to do something to get her to sleep on her own as it was getting dangerous with the total exhaustion (nearly falling asleep whilst driving on several occasions etc).

I think some babies are more 'into' cuddles than other; I have friends whose children were never like this as babies and are very independent little souls who need pinning down for cuddles! My dd continued to be clingy and is still a very tactile child at 2.4 years; she loves cuddling and kisses, so that's something to look forward to with your clingy girl!

Forgetfulmog · 09/04/2013 20:55

7 weeks is too young for cc, but that said there is nothing wrong with you leaving your DC to cry whilst you pee - no one is a superhuman! I think you're coping very well to be working this early on after giving birth, but is there really no-one who could help?

I don't want you to be scared - yes my dd is still clingy, but I am able to shower, eat, prepare food etc whilst she amuses herself on her playmat, highchair - things do get easier the older they get so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, your DC will be 6 mo before you know it & you will have survived the worst of it.

Have some more

CreatureRetorts · 09/04/2013 21:00

Please take it easy after your tear. You risk making it worse.

As for naps on you - my dd and ds were similar but swaddling helped my eldest so some naps he'd take in the cot. With my youngest she was happier in the sling until 4/5 months then I used the pushchair and she started napping in her cot.

Have you tried swaddling? When she's in the pram, do you wind her first? Make sure she's wrapped up and not flailing about?

Don't use cc or anything like that.

Original poster

inneedofsomehelpplz · 10/04/2013 09:08

Thanks to everyone that has taken the time to read my ramblings & reply :) Am I allowed to leave her to cry in her basket/cot or chair if I am there patting her tummy? Or do I need to pick her up? She is in her chair atm but is so tired & fighting it but not crying yet. If she does fall asleep it is for a matter of minutes before waking up crying :(

OP posts:

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 10/04/2013 09:19

Sorry, that sounds pretty normal for a 7 week old. Put a sling on and you can get on with things. It will pass soon. I would never leave them to cry so young though

Eskino · 10/04/2013 09:21

You poor thing. I have a 2.5 month old who is the same. I think the more I need to do other things, the clingier she becomes! I'm doing the bare minimum so far and with a 2yo toddler as well. Yesterday I changed his nappy while I had the baby in the moby wrap but it was ridiculously difficult so I imagine handling livestock is worse!

I think you are going to have to force yourself to let things slide, while she is still small. If you give her loads of your attention now, she's more likely to be independent and un clingy when she's a toddler.

nilbyname · 10/04/2013 09:24

What sling do you have?

You need a moby wrap it is the BOMB for people with bad backs. I have a herniated disc, and I used it with both my babies.

Sling her up and go about your day. If she is close to you and still crying, at least you know she is near you and comforted.

Also have you tried...

cranial osteopathy
check for a tongue tie
infacol/coleif

She is tiny tiny tiny, please don't leave her to cry.

Forgetfulmog · 10/04/2013 09:24

Don't leave her to cry - babys that young cry because they want something - mummy hugs, milk, nappy change etc. it's perfectly normal. You're not going to make a rod for your own back by responding to your babys cries. If she cries, pick her up & cuddle her. She needs to know you are there for her.

This too shall pass. Repeat as necessary

Forgetfulmog · 10/04/2013 09:24

Babies not babys!

yogafan · 11/04/2013 15:36

Sounds like you are doing so much for your little one, you need a well deserved break! It will get easier, you will get more rest. Well done for toughing out these first few weeks. Not sure if this would work for you, but I did a version of "shush" and 'pat' from the baby whisperer - had one hand on her tummy and did a calming (for both of us) long shush sound, again and again until DD would settle in cot. Started doing it until she went to sleep, then practiced the art of 'less is more' and gradually withdrew...
Good luck x

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