s-called friends

[nailpolish]

i have made quite a few friends through dd1 and her playgroup, have regular playdates

but i feel as if i have MUG written on my forehead

certain 'friends' keep feigning migraines, food-poisoning etc and call me up asking for me to look after their children

today i am looking after dd1's friend from playgroup as her mum has a hospital appt. last week i asked her if she wanted to come round with dd1's friend, she said "oh i have a hospital appt that day can i just drop dd off?"

what do you say to that? im also annoyed cos her dh doesnt work fridays and he now has a whole afternoon to herself

at the same time a neighbour called me saying she has sickness, can i watch her baby. i had to say no.

end of rant

NP...Sounds like you are too nice for your own good hun. If anyone asks you again just say "not being funny but i have things to do places to go".

Don't let people take advantage of you.

xx

poor you -taken for granted and a damn cheek!

-you couldn't pick my dd1 up from pre-school could you ?

Oh and as for your "friend" today, you should have said " sorry but if you can't make it i have to go out to do XYZ, can't your dh have her?"

lol pelvic

people know that i have a small dd2 who naps in the afternoon so they ask me to watch their children in the afternoons

and after i had asked that last mother if she had wanted to come round for a playdate, she then knew i had nothing else on that afternoon

just f*cks me right off

i have always managed fine on my own and dont ask others for help, you just have to get on with it is the way i think

dont like liars either

just say "god im knackered could you take dd for the afternoon and then ill do the same for you next week" hmm hmm HMMM???

YES i should have pucca

Aw darlin, I used to be similar. I started keeping a line in my head that I could say. I often said "Sorry, I can't I'm seeing my granny that afternoon, she's 81 and I do her shopping" (true)

Next time you get the "can I just drop her off" try saying "em, yeah, that should be fine, could you collect her at ?? though because I've got ?? just after that". The slight hesitation lets them realise you have a LIFE and they can't DUMP on you. Its hard to begin with but it does get easier the more you do it. I used to blush and get tongue tied but I don't anymore.

Good luck honey.

Ring her dad and say something has come up,can you collect her.

Lots of folk are quick to take advantage. Put your foot down with this kind and only do what suits you.

Obviously it's different for the mums who are considerate and nicer people, they will return favours...

i dont even know when she is collecting her dd, i might end up giving her her tea

i should have said a time to collect

bet she gets away from 'hospital appt' then goes home, has a quick shag with her dh, nice relaxing bath, etc etc then comes round with a "oh my god i had to wait AGES to be seen at the clinic"

i have thought about that heavenis. if they are very noisy and wake up dd2 i will call him. or if shes not collected by 3

You do need to tell them. I had a 'friend' who kept asking me to have her kids before school, said she would pay me £10.

It was all fine at first but then she never paid me and started bringing them round earlier and earlier. She stopped asking when me and Xp split up but a few weeks later she was back again, wanting me to have them from 7.15 am.
In the end I just said 'sorry but i have enough to do with my own at the moment' and she was fine about it (well to my face she was).

dh says i should ask them occasionally, to look after one or both dd's

thing is, i manage fine without help

if i have a doctors appt i just take them

the dentist i go to on late night opening

i do the shopping/get hair cut/ etc at the weekends

you should have said 'oh never mind if you're busy, we can do it another day' and then started talking about something else

asking someone round for a coffee while the kids play is a long way from childminding

nailpolish, next time they ask if you can look after their dd, knowing your dd has a nap, say something like 'oh, i would, but last time X's dd disturbed my dd's sleep .. and she was so grumpy, so better not'

I have a friend who's dds go to the same school and she took libs for a while. I collected and looked after her dd1 quite a bit and she never returned the favour. She always used the excuse 'my dad/mum has a hospital appt could you ..?' Till one day she said she was still v busy, her dh would pick up dd1 .. and when he did (2 hrs late) her dh and dd2 let slip she'd gone out .. and i know what they meant!

thanks for all your tips - im going to put my foot down and stand up for myself a bit more

Practise being assertive and politely saying no. You don't even have to justify/explain yourself and don't prefix your answer with 'sorry, but..' as it weakens it. If it helps (as you are obviously a nice person who wants to be helpful) think about: ''If I say 'yes' to this, I will be saying 'no' to..(might be the chance for you to have a sitdown ans play on MN, or do houseowrk or spend quality time with your kids..)
Speaking as one who has had this happen a lot over the past 5 years, when I have been a SAHM, and therefore ''plenty of time on my hands!'' I have had to toughen up and be more assertive. Otherwise, resentment quickly builds, especially if it isn't reciprocated.

luckily they are playing outside, so keeping from waking dd2

(i am only on mn as i can sit here and see them out the window honest guv...)

reminds me of when the said friend had her dds round .. they played in the garden too and i have some lovely garden pics :)
They were such fussy eaters tho and kept demanding this and that :S

"i cant today" "its not conventient"

say it NOW

will keep that for future ref cod but today she knew i wasnt busy as i had already asked her round and she just dropped her dd off and went out

nailpolish

Can you let me have your address please? Only I'm having my hair cut next week and would like to drop DS round your house for a couple of hours. ta.

its

13 the lodge
Mugsville
Walkover county

I use the "oh I didn't realise you were busy, perhaps we'll do it another day" approach, completely ignoring the "can you babysit" part and only replying to the "I've got to go somewhere" part. On being asked one time if they could drop their ds off I just said "but it won't be nearly as much fun without a coffee and a chat, let's do it when we can all make it". So far so good and I haven't lost any friends...!
good luck

Can't believe you are looking after her children while her DH is at home doing bugger all

I do look after other peoples kids and it is rare for my friends to look after mine back but the difference is that I offer to have them when it is convenient to me.

Start saying no!