Should I stop him?

[DBoobs]

I have a 7 year old son who has never been "mr popular" at school, he has one proper friend and the rest of the kids either take the mick out of him, exclude him or use him when their own friends are not around.

Thing is I know why he isnt popular, he's different to the others...he doesnt care about football, he doesnt wear the clothes that the others wear (he wouldnt be seen dead in tracksuit bottoms!) and he often writes songs and takes them into school and sings them to the class... through all the laughter and piss-taking, it doesnt bother him!

So, he's a proper "individual" but since this is causing him a lack of real friendships should I stop him taking songs into school etc or just let him do what he wants?

aww bless him,let him be himself id say,my ds11 isnt into footie,infact he hates it&says he feels an outcast at school because he doesnt like football&doesnt have many friends infact just one clse one but in no way wudd i make him like football or stop him doing what he enjoys
goodluck to u&ur ds

Blimey, let him do what he wants! If you stop him taking songs into school you may find he's still not Mr Popular and now things are worse because he can't even do the one thing he really enjoys. He's got at least one proper friend and proper friends are all that matter in life.

He might not be Mr Popular but he sounds like Mr Confident. Better to have just one good friend and be brave enough to be different and do his own thing. It so difficult nowadays as we all want our kids to fit in so no one takes the mick. I think he sounds great.

When he is older he will be the unique,talented man with something about him-everyone will want to be friends with him then.

hope that my ds isnt a sheep either

It is great that your DS has the confidence to be his own person and he will be respected for that when he is older! He sounds great!

Stuff the cynical little gits who have grown up too quickly - let him be himself. :)

Thanks for your kind words :)

I am very proud of him and am glad he doesnt follow the others blindly...he's very funny too, you kmow that comedy sketch with the giant mobile phone that rings the nokia tune and the bloke answers it with something like "HELLO!! YES iM IN THE LIBRARY...I HAVE TO BE QUIET!!" and makes everyone jump with his shouting? well my son thought it might be a good idea to do this in assembly at school for a laugh and asked if I minded if the school phoned me!!! (I told him it probably wouldnt be such a good idea but I must admit, I would've found in hilarious if he had!).

I have spoken to the teacher before and she just says that my son chooses to act differently and seems to enjoy the others laughing at him! which he does but to be fair he doesnt realise they're laughing AT him, not with him. This morning for instance they excluded him from a game of football giving him the "red card" as soon as he started playing.

He wants to start guitar lessons so I will enquire about that, not sure if I will be able to afford it though :( he does Judo on a saturday morning and "badgers" on a wednesday night though.

I invited one of the 'not so nice' kids back for tea once and he was even horrible to my son here telling him he couldnt play on the playstation with him forgetting who's playstation he was on!

What a brilliant boy! He will get the last laugh when he is the famous and rich one at the school reunion!

He sounds wonderful. He has no problems (although the other buggers in his class obviously do). Let him sing ( you need to watch that billy elliot movie with your son. it reminds me of him). You are very lucky and have obviously raised your son to be himself and nurture his real self. Good for you!

shouldnt be too bothered, my ds was a little like that altho didnt do the singing thing. he is now sought after by the lasses as is more individual than most. so long as the others behaviour doesnt cause him distress then no worries.

ok horrible voice of unpcness.

i think your child has a wonderful talent. But maybe you should find another outlet for it - i dont know where! drama class? choir?

if you think its bad now - when he gets to senior school is a whole different ball game.

individuality is great. i love it. i have an ever so popular teenage boy and one who has only a small group of friends becuase errr he's not like other kids - i can't lable it but thats just it - hes a periphery kid, i was one.

he's lucky becuase if anyone touched him his older brother would be instructed by me to rip them a new arsehole ( term of expression colloquial)by me.

i am terribly sorry not to give the answer i know know know you want and i'm not being a cow for the sake of it - it often depends on where you live and the school he is in - or will most likley to be going to - and the culture of that school.

i wouldnt encourage a child of mine to be riduculed for the sake of individuality. becuase school days are long - they form a good part of our lives and of our memories as adults. i would not want my child to look back and remember the holy piss being took out of him.

i wouldnt surpess talent - i would re-direct it if i could.

perhaps he could write the songs as poems and they could go on the wall at school? perhaps you could help school give some kudos to a musical area - such as setting up a school band which your son could be part of

but standing up ramdonly in the middle of a lesson and singing - maybe at 4 or 5- but 7 no.

well said custardo,
I read the thread and was thinking yeh yeh he's a lovely individual but would I want my son to be laughed at.Kids are cruel and I think any way we can make our kids school/social life easier and more enjoyable for them is good.
I would redirect the songs aswell.

I would encourage the guitar thing, playing quitar is cool and a chic magnet generally. Maybe he would then replace the singing with playing music. I suppose that maybe some boys might be jealous but secretly admire him. Getting into music can be a lifelong scource of pleasure, I know a fair few lads for whom music, guitars, drumming etc. is a hobby, a passion and also a way to make a living (if not a good bit of money on the side). He is likely to meet other kids a bit more on his wavelength if he gets into music.

But they may learn to appreciate him if he keeps his head above the parapet, especially if he is a comedian. If he tries to be inconspicuous it won't necessarily help.

My ds1 was always very different to the other boys but stopping doing something, whatever it was, wouldn't have made him fit in any better. He would still have been the same person, misfit if you like.

However he did earn the respect of his class mates, even at secondary school, and I think they liked him for his dry sense of humour, though I know they still thought he was weird.

Hello,

This lad will go far I am sure. This is the sort of thing you hear famous people say they used to do all the time.

Get him the guitar lessons, It will make both of you very rich one day

I was the female version of your son. I deliberately bought several pairs of really hideous knee socks because a girl laughed at my quite tame but not elephant rolled down legs look socks they all wore. You can't laugh at someone if they are doing it on purpose and don't care.

I used to take in songs too.

I'm not rich or famous - but I do have a "talent" that people now envy. If they'd spent more time making music, or drawing or doing something with their sad little lives and less laughing at people for wearing the wrong pants (huh?) then they wouldn't be all envious now would they?

This is a hard one. But I think you could suggest that he modifies his behaviour at school. He can still do the things he wants outside school. But most of us find it is easier if we 'fit in' to a certain extent - and learning how to behave in different social situations is a useful skill to carry throughout life. He may be happy being the outsider now, but will he always be happy? Isn't worth developing the skills now, so he can decide whether or not to use them?