3 year old horrid to her friends

[Rachy]

HELP! My three year old is very badly behaved when with her friends. She bites, pulls hair, pushes, smacks etc, etc. The other kid always seems to come off worse. The behaviour sometimes starts because of a squabble over a toy but sometimes it's unprovoked. I have tried dealing with it in a calm manner, in a cross manner, in a firm manner but nothing gets through. To make it worse she tells me she does it because she likes it. I'm at the end of my tether. She's always been very willful but this is getting embarrasing.

Hi Rachy
Sounds like it might be time to introduce some punishment for her behaviour - obviously nothing else is having much effect on her. What about letting her know that she will be punished if she continues to act this way, like taking away some of her privileges, putting her in her room or giving her a smack..? I guess if she's willful then you're going to have to deal with her in a stronger manner, just to get the message across. I really think you'll have to nip this behaviour in the bud because someone may really get hurt one day, and it's also best to try and stop it now while she's still young enough. Good luck.

Just a quick thought, if your daughter tells you she does it because she likes it, can you try and make the punishment fit the crime, to reinforce how hurtful she is being.

As she is so very young, you'll probably have to do this immediately she is being naughty, rather than lecture her later. For instance, if she takes away a toy from another child, take it off her immediately and then remove it from the room, so no one gets to play with it. If a squabble is unprovoked, than remove her from the room or even go home and tell her it's because she won't play nicely with her friend. You may have to talk to the said friend's mother in advance, so she knows that you are keen on showing your daughter the consequences of her naughty actions - and this may mean a short visits for a while.

Also, if you think she is naughty to get attention - doesn't like mummy chatting to her grown-up friends and ignoring her - make sure she gets plenty of positive attention throughout and especially at the start of your social engagement, to set her on the right track. Again, you may need to tell all grown ups present why you are doing this, especially if their children are better behaved on much less adult input.

I had similar times with one of my sons, been there, done that and suffered!

Rachy - sorry to hear you're having problems with your dd. I totally understand what you're going through, as my eldest could be the same. It is very embarrassing and upsetting for everyone. My 3 are all willful children so I know how hard it can be to parent that sort of child - bless them. In situations when I thought my eldest would play up, I would (like Tigermoth says) basically follow him round and watch him like a hawk so that I could intervene at the first sign of trouble. Not alot of fun, I know when you'd much rather sit and have a coffee and a chat, but useful in the short-term to prevent outbursts. As a long-term plan, I think removing her from the situation and her friends might be the way to go. She's obviously a bright little girl as she knows just what buttons to press to get mummy's attention, so I'm sure she'll soon realise that she has more fun playing nicely with her friends than being all by herself in her bedroom, or being taken home. If it will make you feel any better, she will grow out of it, my ds now aged 5 has, and plays with his friends well (honest!). GOOD Luck!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate the ideas. I'll have a go at them all! I have her nursery involved now too as her behaviour there is deteriorating. What a nightmare...

Yes I agree with what's been said. You must never threaten to take her home, send her to her room etc but not go through with it.

Also don't make threats that you can't carry out like not going to a party or to a grandparents. As it may be more your loss than hers. R.