Dd very territorial over her room and things-do I just go with it?

[Molehillmountain]

Dd1 is seven and I have two younger dc, four and twenty months. Dd1 is a bit inconsistent and controlling over her brother (four) being in her room-one minute he's allowed in then next he's not. My gut feeling is that she should be allowed to keep him out if she wants space but that the inconsistency is not on and once she's invited him in she shouldn't push him out unless he's doing genuinely provoking things (on the wrong day his very breathing annoys her). I am trying to give her more one to one and choice, and praising what she's doing well as I think she might be trying to control life a bit.

Any thoughts?

We have exactly the same. I think it´s best to let her have her territory. It´s really hard for the younger ones but I get the impression, if I don´t let her have her own space (even if totally inconsistent) things get much worse.

Do you think it would be helpful to draw up some rules with her?
As a way to try and keep her space but also help smooth any confusion for ds.
Do you think she would respond to having a cosy sit down with you to have a good old talk about things and you can have a 'DDs room rules' poster - so she can think out loud to you about what she wants and you can help her understand some of her feelings?
I am of the opinion personal space is very important, we have to socialise, share and remember our manners all day, a space to metaphorically slump in our pants is necessary for me certainly.
It would also be a chance to remind her she can have special things ds can't touch but it's up to her to keep them tidied, she is allowed to ask him to leave but must be kind etc etc.
I had to spend several sessions of outward calm explaining to the eldest that however irritating dd1 was & even though I said he could ask her to leave picking her up and manhandling her out as she cried would still get him a telling off and, yes ds, that was totally fair.
I have had some surprising results from room rules chats & actually uncovered a school friend issue that had been avoided by son previously. Is she feeling a bit overwhelmed by anything or just being 7?

I think being allowed in one day and not the next is fine if it's phrased correctly - i.e. that being allowed into your sibling's room is by invitation only.

You know, you've all said things that confirm my gut feelings-thank you. I think the room thing and her relationship with her brother is a bit of a regaining control thing. Year two seems very hard work for her and she's doing really well with coping with the pace and expectation etc at school after a tricky start to the year. But at the end of the school day I think she's trying to be in charge a bit and ds is a convenient vehicle. Friends are a bubbling issue-she plays with lots of people but I think is a bit perturbed by being between best friends. And she has a mother who is doing her very best to redress her natural tendencies and stay calm whilst getting poor sleep (still!!).

I think I'll have a treat filled rules session with her on Saturday when we get a sliver of time for just the two of us. She does do well, and actually, it's fair enough to want space. The only thing is I think the minute by minute wanting him or not has to stop.