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Original poster

Has anyone left DC with GP for a week at 9mo?

46 replies

Cosmo89 · 20/03/2013 10:13

We'd booked a family holiday to NYC next week. DS has been very disturbed with SIlent reflux over the past few months (now on meds, getting better) but now has had a succession of illnesses since starting nursery part time. We've all been ill for 3 weeks, and any improvement on sleep gone. We're shattered (as usual) and not shaking off the bugs.

So we are thinking of cancelling the holiday - it's a lot of money to lose but going to NYC and walking him around in the wee hours in some hotel room would be a nightmare. I'm too tired to go out on major expeditions. This has been going on for months and I'm really at a low ebb, now that constant sickness has been added to the mix.

GPs have offered to have DS instead- so we can go and rest too. It's a great offer, but I'm torn. In desperate for a break but would miss him. I worry he's too young. I worry it'll really disturb him - they his mummy and daddy have disappeared. I don't know... I'm worried about everything. I already think he doesn't quite 100% buy into me as his mum (months of Pre diagnosis stresses getting him to sleep, with me in tears much of the time, I think has put him on edge around me ) and I wonder whether it would make it worse.

I don't know. Any advice welcome- did you leave your 9mo for a week? Was it ok?

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snowchick1977 · 20/03/2013 11:02

I personally wouldn't in case ds took a turn for the worse. I'd hate to think I was thousands of miles away if he needed me.

Also I wouldn't ask my parents to have ds overnight as they are hard work, especially if he is ill. I think it's not the grandparents place to look after your child if they are ill anyway.

It's a lot of money but there are plenty of years to go to New York when ds is older and can enjoy it more.

Everyone is different though!

Sillyoldbagpus · 20/03/2013 11:09

Go and chill out in NYC as a family. There are lots of lovely things do to that are more relaxing. You only live once, you will regret it otherwise.

ubik · 20/03/2013 11:12

Oh dear, awkward situation. I'm not sure I would leave a baby at 9 months particularly if they had been poorly. Could you go and stay with GPs and let them care for baby while you sleep/rest?

I'd be tempted by NYC but it really depends on how you think you will cope - there's no point being there miserable and worried.

Taking dS might work out - but obviously change if scene/routine might make it s nightmare.

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ubik · 20/03/2013 11:14

Could you stay with GPs the week before, get as much rest as poss then go to NYC as a family, fortified and determined to enjoy yourselves?

ArseAche · 20/03/2013 11:15

Tricky one. I would not enjoy the holiday knowing my baby might be unwell without me there, but on the other hand, you sound like you could certainly do with the break. Would you enjoy it having left him though that is the major question.

goodygumdrops · 20/03/2013 11:17

I couldn't. I wouldn't enjoy it. I would have to take him. A poorly child needs a parent too. Sorry, probably not what you want to hear.

ZuleikaD · 20/03/2013 11:21

I wouldn't - it's prime age for separation anxiety apart from anything else and this could really have an impact on him. A week is a very long time for a baby. Plus as others have said it's a lot for the GPs to take on and if he's ill then he needs you even more right now. Have you got holiday insurance that covers cancelling for sickness?

Atavistic · 20/03/2013 11:29

My eldest was 2.2, and we had 7 month twins when we left them for about 8 days. My parents and my MIL all moved into our house and it went really well!

My DH had won the all expenses paid, 1st class all the way, trip from his company, and it was also a corporate meet up, so good for his career.

All the kids slept through the night, however, and were all well. The grandparents all look back really fondly on that time. I think it depends on your parents. I wouldn't have left my kids with just my parents- my dad needs as much serving up to as the kids, and everything would have fallen to my Mum.

You are only leaving one child. You obviously trust your parents, and feel they are competent. Yes, they'll be tired, but it's for a finite time, and they can hand him back at the end of it. I really think you could do with the break. Your parents want to help you, so let them. You know that all grandparents want to be in change! think of it as your gift to them!

Plus, the detailed instructions you leave them, makes a fab momento of what life is like for you at the moment. Take the break x

vvviola · 20/03/2013 11:39

We left 11-month old DD1 with my parents for a week while we went on honeymoon, and they then all joined us (plus MIL, FIL, BIL & step-MIL!!') for a family holiday directly after.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat, BUT DD1 was extremely close to my Mum, spent a lot of time with her already and was very used to her house. Also my Mum is/was a paediatric nurse so I was even more secure leaving her.

I think it all depends on your child and your parents and the relationship they have. In our case it wouldn't have worked with, for instance, MIL, because she didn't have the same connection with DD.

Locketjuice · 20/03/2013 11:50

I would only leave my 1 year if I had to.. Like when I go in to have baby no.2, I would take him along, If you had said a weekend I would most likely say go as 1/2 nights break would be good for you and not too long for baby but a week is a long time for a baby not to have his mummy, could you not go on this holiday as a family and ask gp to have him for a weekend when he settles better?

Rororowmeboat · 20/03/2013 12:12

Are you sharing the same room in the hotel or have you got a two bed apartment - if its the later just go and take him with you. If your sharing the same hotel room maybe its worth cancelling and taking him up to the GPs for a weekend and you can book a night in a hotel for a relax and sleep!

Sharing hotel rooms is never fun and doesn't lead to relaxing breaks in my experience - villa holidays all the way.

Sounds like you may benefit from a weekend break but i thik you would miss him too much for a week to actually enjoy yourself

stacey212528 · 20/03/2013 12:48

My mum and dad left me at 9 months for a fortnight to go on their honeymoon. I'm fine! (: didn't suffer any long time damage. Is there anyway you could defer the holiday? Or stay with GP for a week before to catch up on rest? X

Original poster

Cosmo89 · 20/03/2013 13:10

Shoukd have said, DS has had a succession of bugs but, apart from a lingering cough, is fine. His meds are kicking in for reflux and he's an awful lot better than he was. His cough he's had for 3 weeks - GP won't give him antibiotics rightly or wrongly- and it wakes him at night. He can't self settle- so hence the night pacing.

It's me and DP who are ill. We've just not been able to shake anything because we've been looking after DS. His night wakings (major night upsets going on since November because of reflux) have really taken the toll at the moment , as we are starting from such a low base of exhaustion.

I'm very tempted by the offer. We're still considering it. GPs don't see him an awful lot but he does love them. Good to know you didn't suffer damage Stacey!

But I keep imagining being there without him and it just makes me feel very sad.

I think if we don't leave him we don't go at all. Thinking of a day like today- where I slept 4.5 hours last night- I'm too tired to do much so if in nyc we'd be stuck in some hotel room not equipped very well for crawling maniacs trying to entertain DS . We're sharing an apartment in an hotel with my parents and brother, so all a bit claustrophobic with night wakings etc.

Wish I'd never booked the bloody thing now.

OP posts:

Rororowmeboat · 20/03/2013 13:23

If your sharing an apartment with your parents and brother won't they be able to share the strain? Take him with you - if you have a bad night hopefully your parents can take him to central park whilst you get some rest.

Original poster

Cosmo89 · 20/03/2013 13:38

Well, to a certain extent they will. I'm sure wed be able to get a couple of mornings where we can sleep, but it won't be every morning. And it shouldn't be either - it's their holiday too (and their idea for a family holiday, I think they expected us to be in a much better place than we are now!) and we can't expect too much (they've all kind of planned outings).

OP posts:

Original poster

Cosmo89 · 20/03/2013 13:40

I think my point is that I'm worried the nigh waking is also going to impact on them as well, making them much less amenable to the idea if taking DS for a few hours etc.

OP posts:

ZuleikaD · 20/03/2013 13:44

I'm really sorry, I feel for you, but it sounds like a bit of a nightmare, to be honest, and jetlag on top of illness plus family expectations and the potential guilt-factor of feeling like you might be spoiling other people's trip... I'd be cancelling. Don't suppose there's anyone else in the family who could take your places and cut the losses a little?

Rororowmeboat · 20/03/2013 13:47

Have you talked to your parents about it? You sound exhausted and that you need a bit of extra support are they aware of this? lay it down on the table for them, tell them you're considering cancelling because your so tired - would they be able to pitch in and take DS out for one day whilst you recuperate. etc. Even one day or two lie ins would probably make the world of difference.

The other alternative is a bit of short sharp sleep training this week (prepares to be flamed) obviously you can't do if he is unwell but it might teach him how to self settle. It took 3 days with my DS - but obviously not for everyone.

Everything seems clearer and better and more possible after a good nights sleep.

Eskino · 20/03/2013 13:47

On the contrary, NYC will always be there but your baby is only a baby for a short time.

I couldn't leave mine, especially so young, especially if he's ill.

Rororowmeboat · 20/03/2013 13:48

Just cross posted - I see what you mean about keeping them awake

LillianGish · 20/03/2013 13:57

My sil left her dcs all the time when they were babies to go on holiday, I never did. I don't think either of us has had an adverse impact on our dcs. She could never (still can't) really enjoy a holiday if the dcs were there whereas I could never really enjoy a holiday without them. At the end of the day it's down to what you want - if GPs are happy to have him and you feel you'd like a holiday and it's already paid for then I'd go for it.

ubik · 20/03/2013 14:02

Do you know...if he is better I would be tempted to go. You and your husband could have time together, sleep, feel like a couple again -this is important when you have a difficult time with a baby and it may help the two if you cope better when you get back.

You will miss him, you really will but it may do you the world of good too. FWIW I had to go away for a week when DD3 was13 months and she shows no obvious signs of harm. When I came home she kind of stared at me for 5 secs then put her arms out and we had a big cuddle. She was fine after that.

bamboozled · 20/03/2013 14:07

How lovely of your parents. Yes, go, have a rest and have a fabulous time. Your ds will be spoilt rotten, your parents will love having him and you get a break. It's a no brainier, in my opinion.
I left dd at 7 months as we had to go to Chicago for 6 days and it was the best thing we could have done. I got in such a panic about it, thought she would feel abandoned, I wouldn't enjoy it etc - but it was blissful!!

bamboozled · 20/03/2013 14:10

Sorry, guess its your DH's parents - but makes no difference -Go, go, go!

Exhaustipated · 20/03/2013 14:12

Could the GPs afford to come with you to NYC? Have the baby in their hotel room some/most of the time?

Or just cancel and do it again at a better time. Perhaps baby could go to GPs for a weekend so you could just rest at home but be close by if needed?

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